Support for Raising Spirited Babies

[BensMamma]

Bens mamma - welcome!  Big hugs for having to deal with reflux on top of everything else. Our LO is 7months old now and still suffers from it but it only really shows by her poor sleep and sick because she laughs and smiles when she's awake and not tired. We've reached the point where she needs more gaviscon but if I give it to her she gets blocked so she's starting to feel the pain again. We've been finally referred to a paediatrician (to reassure me - Dr is happy with things!!) but I'm also trying to see if I can get a private appointment on our work healthcare scheme, which might be quicker.  If you need advice on reflux (eg meds, support) the reflux, colic and crying board is ace.

Thanks Mileshunt.  Don't you just love it when the doctor tells you everything is fine and you're telling him/her it's not fine?!  You're the one in the trenches everyday...not them.  I'll be sure to check out the reflux, etc. board....P.S.  Our Pediatrician has Ben on Axid and it seems to really help without any noticeable side-affects.  I hope your LO settles soon.

Bens mamma,
Welcome.

Thanks Sherrylnn.

Serena - I hope things are improving a bit for you.  As mentioned, I tried the pat/shh..., but it only helped for a couple of days.  I saw that he was screaming, covering his ears, and arching his back a lot.  So, now I don't say a word (unless I think he can deal with it), and I just lay a hand on either his chest or his legs...usually legs since they're constantly up in the air.  Occasionally I have to do PU/PD, but if he's arching his back, I just gently lay him back down and watch to see if I should do another PU/PD, or just rest a hand on him.  I also try not to make eye contact.  Also, I don't usually swaddle for naps, but if he seems to be on the way to hysterics, I quickly and quietly swaddle him, hold for a brief minute, then lay him back down.  This seems to have helped a bit as well.

I've been keeping Ben home over the past week to work with him on sleep training and have received tons of support and advice on the sleep boards as we go through it all.  I even hid all of the beloved pacifiers.  He does seem to be improving slowly but surely on his short naps and EW's, so I'm plugging right ahead.  Today he was able to avoid an EW with just me laying a hand on his legs for about 15-20 minutes.  And, he did pretty well with extending 2 of his naps today the same way...even though his first nap of the day was a nightmare with an hour of hysterics before getting him out of bed to go eat.  Last night he figured out how to turn over from back to stomach after we laid him down around 7:00 (had to remove the wedge pillow after I saw him flipped over on top of it and struggling).  I thought for sure we'd have a restless night after all of that excitement, but he actually slept better than ever! 

The main benefit I'm getting from BW [aside from this website ] is that I am much more compassionate, calm, understanding and patient with my spirited LO as he learns how to sooth himself.  I'm no longer taking it personally when he cries.

Have a spirited day/night everyone!

[treebutt]

hi all, thanks sherry for asking after me...its been a funny week or two.  still i think transitioning properly for 2-1 naps.  lots of OT from constant walking - really , he is just up the hallway, down the hallway, up, down, up , down, he NEVER CRAWLS, and squirms to get out of my arms to walk and the pusher too. he wants to push the pram up and down the driveway about 100 times b4 moving on to the next thing.  luckiily he will sit on my lap and read or watch a bit of telly just to come down. i can hear him panting....

still EW which i think is just from all the changes - a bit of OT perhaps?

so i am very tired and once i get tired i start to really doubt myself and anxiety gets the better of me - few tears and just feel like he is nearly one (next weekend) and i still feel like i have to monitor him constantly in case of complete meltdown. just exhausted. and i think can i possibly do number 2?? wat if number 2 is even more spirited - i dont think i could manage....and i feel bad wishing/ hoping number 2 is angel....thats not very nice!! anyone else feel that way? or have had number 2 and ended up with 2 spirited lo's??

i know my lo is textbook a lot of the time with everything else, and has responded well to BW once we caught on - but he has this spirited, possible touchly - moody like his mother perhaps?? lol. side that just drives me bonkers. which is why im on this thread!!  

my dh is moving back home for good soon so i hope that breaks up the monotomy - he will be home each night which makes me chill out a bit.....

anyhoo - hope all of you are having a better day, if not a good day!

beck ;o)

[BensMamma]

...and i think can i possibly do number 2?? wat if number 2 is even more spirited - i dont think i could manage....and i feel bad wishing/ hoping number 2 is angel....thats not very nice!! anyone else feel that way? or have had number 2 and ended up with 2 spirited lo's??

Yup! DH and I talk about this a lot! What if? Could we handle it? I believe that God gives us only what He knows we can manage, so I have faith that everything will be fine. We also have to remind ourselves that we got what we wished for...a very bright and outgoing child.  Of course, we too often think that an "Angel" for the next one would be nice...you never know...

Glad to hear that you'll get some relief from your DH soon.  Hang in there.

[treebutt]

i agree - god or the universe, has given me my lo for me to learn more about myself, which i have, and perhaps, became a better person (getting there)...and at other times, i think this is just sooooooooooooooooo mean and wat have i done to deserve this!! especailly at 4am!! i am so sick of learning my lessons!! 

just one day of selfish decadent i know everything bliss...maybe for mothers day?? 

thanks

[sherry lynn]

Beck,
You're killing my dreams
Everybody says - oh, naps get better at 6 months. Already loosing hope on that. Then they say - oh, once they start walking they sleep really well
I'm beginning to think that my LO will never nap well. We get a good nap here or there, but over all. Never really napped well. Beginning to think I will never find his correct A time to get good naps. Oh, well. I hear you about the 4 am nonsense. I hope it ends soon for you.
I hear you guys about the fear of the second child   Hey, after this we'll be pros, right....? HA, HA. We'll have forgotten all these "lessons" we are learning. I swear I forget from week to week. I'm like didn't this happen last week, heh.

[treebutt]

hi sherry

lo naps well now and i have no trouble putting him to bed at night (occasionally have to resettle, like at the moment, when OT) but will nap 2-3 hours when he has one nap. so yes, for me naps got better and longer once closer to 8 months and then again once walking, so very tired, give you back some hope??! 

- but its been the nights that have been unpredictable - EW especially.  i think it has certainly all gone a bit crazy since walking so i am HOPING that once he settles a bit, the nights will too.

[Naomi72]

...and i think can i possibly do number 2?? wat if number 2 is even more spirited - i dont think i could manage....anyone else feel that way? or have had number 2 and ended up with 2 spirited lo's??

I worry about this constantly.... I'm so worn out by my spirited lo that I dont know how anyone could have more than one child!!!

[clareharley]

Hi,
I've been away from BW for a while trying to find another way out of our mess. Yes, I'm terrified of having a second, too. I don't know if I will. My LO is now 10 months and naps have dwindled to almost nothing now. It's now 13.34 and I'm still trying to get him down for his first nap. I try for an hour, give up, try a while later, give up and that's pretty much how my days are now. He's been waking at 5am since Jan and, although I now just feed him back to sleep, it hasn't helped with day naps. I've started to leave him to cry because I don't know what else to do. Yesterday he had the grand total of 50 mins sleep from 6 am to 7 pm and today it doesn't look like we'll be quite as lucky. He's up on his feet and is incredibly active, I thought he would be physically worn out and sleep better but things are getting worse and worse and GOD KNOWS what 's going on here.
He's been screaming too long now. Must go and do something.

[BensMamma]

Hi,
I've been away from BW for a while trying to find another way out of our mess. Yes, I'm terrified of having a second, too. I don't know if I will. My LO is now 10 months and naps have dwindled to almost nothing now. It's now 13.34 and I'm still trying to get him down for his first nap. I try for an hour, give up, try a while later, give up and that's pretty much how my days are now. He's been waking at 5am since Jan and, although I now just feed him back to sleep, it hasn't helped with day naps. I've started to leave him to cry because I don't know what else to do. Yesterday he had the grand total of 50 mins sleep from 6 am to 7 pm and today it doesn't look like we'll be quite as lucky. He's up on his feet and is incredibly active, I thought he would be physically worn out and sleep better but things are getting worse and worse and GOD KNOWS what 's going on here.
He's been screaming too long now. Must go and do something.

Sending you a really BIG HUG!!!

[sherry lynn]

Clare,
Thanks for coming back to check in. I've been thinking a lot about you. As there are several times I feel like giving up. I used to try for an hour also, I've now gone to just trying for 20min or so. It is better for my sanity. Today I'm also trying the walk in - walk out. Last night was awful, awful, awful. So I'm thinking that maybe we just slacked too much on the indpendence thing when we were on vacation. I'm hoping this will help. I'm not sure where your from. I'm from the U.S. But if you live somewhere else is there a nurse or somebody who can help you. Seems like in other countries they have more resources for this sort of trouble. I would give my right arm right now for somebody to come help me.

[clareharley]

Thanks for your hugs and kind words. How much sleep do your los manage in a day? Am I worrying too much about this? He only got 20 mins today and I'm currently in the process of trying to get him to sleep for the night. I'm also doing the walk in walk out thing. I've never left him crying for longer than 10mins before but it felt like an hour. He doesn't calm himself down or tire himself out when he's crying but it doesn't seem to help if I'm in with him either! I'm in Switzerland but am English. I've managed to find a (sort of) English speaking person at a mother and baby centre so will go along on Friday. I don't really bother speaking to the pediatrician about such matters anymore because they all just say that some babies don't need much sleep and anyway mine doesn't LOOK tired. Well, thanks!
I changed things over the weekend and cut out the morning nap. As he was only napping 20/30 mins in the morning and at lunchtime I thought I'd try cutting one out to make the other longer. It worked! On Friday he slept 2 hrs, Sat 1hr, Sun 30 mins and today nothing (apart from conking out for 20 mins on the bottle). I really thought I'd cracked it but......back to the drawing board!

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Hi Clare,
Have been thinking about you too. sorry things are not improving. I didnt know you were in Switzerland, how are you enjoying that? Sounds cool.
Anyway, just a thought, re cutting out the am nap seeing as it worked the first day, what I would do and a lot of people do this with the 2 to 1 transition is to do 1 nap one day and the second day go for 2, even if they are short, they should keep chronic overtiredness from setting in. Please pm anytime you want a chat, it's hard being a Mom but even harder when you are away from home as I know only too well. Do you have anyone to help you out at all?

[sherry lynn]

If he is giving you trouble going to bed at night, and waking at 5, then I would think he's not getting enough sleep? I know 10 months can be a tough age. Did you look at the thread for that age?
I would say he was OT on one nap. It can go like that when they are OT. Great the first day and then down hill from there. I know you've tried all different amounts of A time too. So, I don't know what else you can do. Have you checked out the sample schedules for your age and tried a few that you think might work for your LO?
I too am away from home. So thank goodness for this board. I know I would have given up a long time ago without it.
Great idea on the naps Leahsmom.

[clareharley]

OK, so alternate between 1 and 2 naps? How long should I do that for before just doing 1 nap a day everyday?
Switzerland's OK but I don't know anyone and although I'm trying to learn German, I'm not really making much progress at the moment. I'm good at languages so thought it would come easily but it seems my brain has shut down for a while! Are you away from home, too? I remember you moved recently.

[clareharley]

Hi Sherry Lynn,

It just seemed too traumatic for both of us to attempt a day nap more than once a day. I know he's overtired and I've tried so many different approaches. On 2 naps a day, by the end of the day I'd spent literally hours bent over his cot until my back was numb with often no nap but usually with no more than a 20 mins nap. I'm sure he has started picking up on my anxiety so I thought, in order to save my own sanity and his, 1 nap might make the days less stressful. Although he wakes at 5, I've managed to get him back to sleep for an hour or so for about a week now so he's been doing OK at nights. He'll often wake up around 2 or 3am but I can usually get him back to sleep after 10/15 mins. During the day, he doesn't stop. I don't think I've ever counted more than 10 seconds of him being still. I struggle to keep awake for as long as he does!

Yes, although I've now broken most of the BW rules, I do still really appreciate all the support from this website.