Author Topic: Support for Raising Spirited Babies  (Read 95014 times)

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Offline hannahbanana

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #60 on: October 15, 2007, 19:06:37 pm »
JenandBen--To answer you question, yes, my LO (4 months, 4th week) has finally stopped crying when it comes to sleep.  Well, it's very minimal, at most.  Here's how we got to this point:

Around 9 weeks, I think, I discovered that I was putting her down too soon, like I said.  So, I waited for tired coos and then did a longer winddown that including reading 1 or 2 books.  Then, we shush/patted like crazy.

Then, last week, I decided it was time to wean from the swaddle and paci, because I wanted her to be more independent.  It's taken a week, but she now 1.) sleeps unswaddled, 2.) opts to suck her fingers instead of a pacifier--something she can control (and I was trying from almost day one to inhibit but now accept), and 3.) uses a stuffed bunny to snuggle.  And, this last nap (she's sleeping as I type), there was no crying and only about 10 seconds of fussing; in all, it took about 2-3 minutes for her to fall asleep, and I was tippy-toeing out of the room as she was finally drifting off.   (We're still working on me leaving while her eyes are open.)

To get to this point, I had to accept the fact that she was going to cry.  And she did.  The first nap without swaddle and paci, she cried for an HOUR!  It lessened each time.  Around the fourth day, I started to feel really positive.  I tried PU/PD, but it made her too mad (as it does for many spritied LOs), so I just stood with her, kept my hands on her, and used comforting words, like "You can do it...you're okay...."  I only picked her up if I felt it was really necessary, since putting her down always seemed to break her heart.

I'm not sure if I could've taugt independent sleep this way when she was younger, but I wish I'd have tried.  My advice would be to give shush/pat a go...but gradually lessen that amount of assistance you give your LO in getting to sleep.
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Offline maman_d_emily

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #61 on: October 17, 2007, 10:47:50 am »
Hi to all,
Welcome to you Rachael and let me tell you that you couldn't have done anything different during your pregnancy to change the way your baby is.  Some baby need less or more A time to sleep well, just go with your baby.  Since she doesn't show any tired sign, just put her to bed when she seem to be sleeping better (I mean after the amount of A time that you have noticed her sleeping better).  I do have to watch the clock for mine since she doesn't show much tired signs and that does work better, but mine need more A time then recommended.
Violetmum, my Lo is sometime cutting her naps short and this is more frequent lately but I've tried sh/pat to increase it but that doesn't work so I either let her in her crib until she cry or get her up if I find she had a good nap.  If she has a bad nap in the morning, usually the afternoon naps is better or she will get to bed earlier.  I prefer that then fighting with her, specially her being a good "naper" in general.  I did find that if I decided to put her back to sleep with sh/pat or putting back her paci, it would work better if I would go as soon as she would wake up.  If I would wait too long, then she would be fully awake and wouldn't go back to sleep. 
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Offline lawnseed

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #62 on: October 18, 2007, 21:13:42 pm »
Hi guys, things been really busy with us, so had NO time to hop on here!!

With us... Eden is dropping her 3rd catnap, so bedtimes vary from 6-730 depending on whether or not she's had it. Her spiritedness is coming out more and more as she shouts happily at everyone, and was crawling at 6 months having been commando crawling since four! So no quiet life for us ;)

Still don't have much time as need to dream feed in 10 mins, but just thought I'd say that I found A time to be much reduced with my two until they were about 12 weeks old, so for difficult naps and nights I would first try to reduce A time, but of course every babe is different!

Eden also needed lots of wind down initially, with very consistant sleep cues - now it literally takes me 30 seconds (useful as her spirited sister is downstairs!) as she gets annoyed with me for tyring to interfere with her going to sleep! So hang on in there, you are laying good groundwork!

Sorry it's so short :( hopefully life will settle down again soon!

Lorna xxx


Offline NoSleepBaby

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #63 on: October 27, 2007, 14:43:23 pm »
Hi.. my name is Erica, mother to a SPIRITED (Caps because its extreme) baby who will be 5mths on the 7th of Nov.

I thought I was just a bad mother who didn't have a clue when I tried what friends and family suggested to help soothe my baby.  I could never get him to sleep... there were MANY MANY days where his total sleep time would be 1hr in a 24hr period... I am not lying.  But you could tell he was extremely tired.  I would often cry and beg him to just please go to sleep!  It didn't make any sense that he was so tired, but just wouldn't close his eyes and go to sleep.  I told my husband that I had often thought about getting a divorce and or just packing my bags in the middle of the night and leaving Lucas with him.  I thought I was the cause of all Lucas' problems since I am the one home with him.  I hated wanting to be anywhere my son wasn't- it broke my heart, but on the other end, any time I was around him all he would do is was cry from being tired, but he wouldnt sleep.  I wasn't getting any sleep and I was starting to hate my little child. 

2 weeks ago was awful!  It was about 9pm and we had already been trying to get him to sleep for an hour.  He began his crying at 830pm and just wouldnt stop.  It would get louder and louder.  After an hour of it I couldnt take it- I hopped into the car and drove for two hours!  When I came home DH said he cried for almost 3 hours total before falling asleep about 10mins before I walked in the door.  That is just horrible that someone so new to the world can cry like that.  It was making me hate myself because I couldn't give my son whatever it was that he wanted

Well, I had found The Happiest Baby on the Block and tried those methods.  It worked wonderfully for 62 solid hours.  After that..nada!  I some how managed to find out about BW this week and went to go buy the book but couldnt find it but thankfully the library had it. Now I am trying to read it and use it properly before it has to go back on Nov 1.  So far, the past 36 hours have been GREAT.  Hoping not to jinx it
« Last Edit: October 27, 2007, 15:05:11 pm by NoSleepBaby »

Offline NoSleepBaby

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #64 on: October 27, 2007, 15:01:08 pm »
Now that I think about it, my little monkey wasn't even easy as a newborn.  I guess I have just blocked it out because it was horrible then too.  I remember when my sister came out to visit while my DH was gone for 6 weeks (when son was 2wks-8wks)  We had to take turns trying to get Lucas to sleep because we would wear out before he did.  She commented that he was difficult to get to sleep like I had been telling her on the phone all the time.  Now I remember all the nights my DH and I sat and tried to rock him to sleep, the nights of putting him in the car seat and driving around until he fell asleep only to reawaken the minute the car turned off.  The nights of having to put him in the stroller and wheel him around the house.  The days where I would cry and plead with him to just take a nap so I could shower or god forbid pee.  I was so angry... I even screamed once :(   I can't believe I am just remembering all this stuff and it was just 2-4 months ago

Offline lawnseed

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #65 on: October 27, 2007, 15:19:09 pm »
WOW - you surely do have a spirited one! Let us know how you get on. I'm not on here as much as I was :( not enough hours! I really hope BW works for you!

Lorna x


Offline benandmichelle

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #66 on: October 27, 2007, 19:46:55 pm »
Hi nosleepbaby.....I feel for you. I can relate. Welcome to the club of having been given the gift of an amazing little charachter and being so freaked out and pushed to your limit that you feel your soul is being ripped out. (maybe a little extreme but that is sometimes how I feel)
I am sorry I can't offer a total sucess story and say everything will be great as we are only still in month 5, but I can say that without the baby whisperer I don't know what I would have done. Although we are still battling naps, feedings and so many other things, the hard work with sh/pat and windowns and everything else that I have done in the last 3 months has shown SOME improvements and given us a bit of direction. Although we have routine problems and I have been weak lately and given up, I thing BW is an excellent philosophy and has many good ideas in a very difficult time when it is almost impossible to 'get it right' or even know what is right with a new baby. We have to have some ideas and direction and although it is no quick fix in my experience, it is an extremely helpful set of guidelies and logic.
You are not at all a bad mum. This is the pot calling the kettle black but the fact that you even think that indicates that you are sensitive and loving to your baby and a smart person.
I know the hell you ahve felt and are feeling but I notice from your posts that you say 'the days when we rocked him to sleep, I have blocked it out' If you think about it, things have probably progressed....not gotten EASIER but progressed. I know that is the case with us. Hang in there.
I know I have ot been a help but can offer support.
I believe that we will look back  and really reap the rewards of a spirited baby. Try to think when things are bad and he won't sleep how every second he is awake he is learnign something about the world that other babies are missing by sleeping. It helps me. I have a friend who had a spirited LO who hardly slept for the first year. She was constantly in tears from overtiredness but she was talking by month 9 and now at 3 years is she totally independant, happy to play alone and has little need to be constantly entertained.
My point is...it is hard for us now but from what I have heard....it becomes easier later when many other toddlers are hard to deal with.
Anyway, sorry for rambling but I just wanted to reach out my arms and give big

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Michelle
The simplest and most obvious cause which can there be assigned for any phenomena, is probably the true one. (David Hume, 1737)


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Offline maman_d_emily

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #67 on: October 29, 2007, 13:24:25 pm »
Hi Erica,
I do hope everything will improve with BW, it did help me, my husband and our daughter, even though we still have rough time once in a while.  It took me until my dd was 5 months to say that I really enjoyed her because before that I was going crazy.   I did also cry, plead and scream  :'( 
Lots of hugs
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Offline NoSleepBaby

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #68 on: November 01, 2007, 22:47:12 pm »
Things are improving somewhat.. a little better each day, although some minor setbacks.  I will say that I don't tell him I am going to sell him to the Gypsies any longer so that has to be good.. right? lol

Just a question... are "Spirited" ones even difficult as they grow older?  Or will working with them now turn them into textbook or Angel babies? 

And thank you all for the warm welcome.  I hope to learn a lot from you all
« Last Edit: November 01, 2007, 22:49:20 pm by NoSleepBaby »

Offline pbmom

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #69 on: November 02, 2007, 01:21:51 am »
Can I pop on here?  Boy, do I wish I took the quiz earlier!  Just as I thought...Brooke (4 mos tomorrow) is Spirited/Textbook.  It's so obvious, but I was just thinking it was me and something I was doing wrong.  Her spirited side rears its head first thing in the morning (she's so loud), at sleepy time (hates being held, wants to settle on her own, but then gets mad), and feeding time (when she thinks she can hold the bottle) and pretty much most of the rest of the day - LOL!  I actually thought she was going to crawl today - it was ridiculous.  Boy does she let you know if she likes or dislikes something!  Whoa - I never knew a newborn could be so loud!!! 

I wish I knew there was this support thread earlier in her life (like at 3 weeks on when I cried all day everyday).  I should have known - is it genetic - my toddler is Angel/spirited.  Although her spirited side is now coming out at 2 yrs old.  I too at times would say I was going to sell poor Brooke to the gypsies! :)  So glad I have BW though.  I know it would have been a worse hell without it (is that even proper grammar - I'm so tired from the NW).  These boards have been so supportive and I am thankful everyday for them.  So happy now knowing there is a board with other mothers of spirited lo's who understand.  All are helpful, but feel good to talk to those who live it - iykwim. 

Robyn :)
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Offline maman_d_emily

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #70 on: November 02, 2007, 17:32:29 pm »
Welcome Robyn.  Hope you will find good support here.
Erica, I sure hope they (spirited babies) improve a bit when they get older but not sure about that.   
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Offline masqito66

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #71 on: November 03, 2007, 22:08:37 pm »
Hi all

I'm Sarah, this is my first time posting. my DD is 7 weeks and very spirited Lo :D I can relate to everything thats been posted here and I'm SO relieved as I was feeling like a complete failure and very alone. today my little one took 2 short naps and one long one then bed early this after 2 days of almost no naps and a very sleep deprived baby. I'm going to start an easy routine and pretty nervous about it as when I tried the routines before she was having none of it and cried all day till my neighbors gave out. She hates being put down for more then 10 Min's or so, so the need for a routine is imperative as I can't get anything done .
any advice ? look forward to charting with you all

Offline pbmom

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #72 on: November 04, 2007, 01:03:04 am »
Hi Sarah - welcome!  That's how mine was at that age too.  Not sure I have any advice except hoping you have a baby bjorn.  Mine took naps in it until I felt like I could get her over the OT.  Once she seemed rested (after a few days of that and early bed, I started the easy routine.  It immediately made a difference and I felt so much better.  Of course, we are having difficulty now, but that's another story.  Good luck - you will find great support here...I have!
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Offline maman_d_emily

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #73 on: November 04, 2007, 12:19:21 pm »
Hi Sarah and welcome,
My LO did start to wanted to be in my arm all the time around that age too and I went along with it until someone told me about BW when she was 3 months and I started to put a routine.  My advice is to begin as soon as possible for the routine. This is my experience:  I was letting Emily sleep on the breast and keeping her on me for sleep before EASY and when I started EASY, I try to have her sleep in her crib without BF and it was really hard.  I think that I should have started with no BF but letting her sleep in my arm and established a good routine and then go with putting her in her crib to sleep.  You can try the following (as it did help us with Emily) : swaddle your baby and hold arms and legs if necessary, try a pacifier and put her down to sleep as soon as she seemed tired.  I did find out, after some time of writing down every little information about the routine, (ie: how long it took her to fall asleep after x amount of A time, etc) the best time to put her to bed since she doesn't have much of tired signs or can even be too early.  It is still true at 7 months except that I have to adjust a bit since she can stay up longer.  Good luck and come back if you need support! 

For the one that had to change time this weekend, how did you do?  We didn't so great since Emily decided this weekend not to go back to sleep after her 6:30am feed so she was up this sunday (on the change of time) at 5:30 (being 6:30 for her clock).  All the others days for the last month, she was sleeping until 7:30-8:00 after 6:30 feed which would have be good.   :'(  Let's say that we are not at home so I hope it will be better at home and I will also try a W2S around 4:30am to try to push the wake up later.  I'll give news later about that.

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Offline benandmichelle

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Re: Support for Raising Spirited Babies
« Reply #74 on: November 04, 2007, 13:25:48 pm »
Hi Annie,

I thought the time difference went without a hitch. The first few days were normal (never good anyway) but the last 4 nights Ben has been waking up at 5 or 6am. I am sure it is because it is lighter outside although the room is as dark as we can manage :'(

God it'Äs hard! So hard to know if the early wakings are due to that or someting else!

Michelle
The simplest and most obvious cause which can there be assigned for any phenomena, is probably the true one. (David Hume, 1737)


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