Zander's Gradual Withdrawal Diary

[KellyC]

Hi everyone

I hope this is ok and that it might be useful to somebody else.  We've had so many sleep issues with Zander since Nate was born (though only partly due to Nate arriving I believe) and we're still working on them.  I'll try to summarise what's happened these past few weeks/months:

Zander has been a pretty good sleeper most of his life (once we got rid of those 45 minute nap wakings at least!) but lately has been taking ages to go to sleep at night, refusing his naps and waking during the night.

During the latest round of night wakings Zander was consistently asking for 'bed' and pointing at the matress on his floor which has been there for months.  He also kept asking to sleep on the bed at nap/bed time so we decided to bite the bullet and move him to the bed.  His sleep wasn't awful in the bed but it wasn't getting any better and I had no idea how to deal with him constantly refusing to get back on the bed or standing at the door (with a stairgate) crying.  We ended up always lying down on the bed with him (way too easy!) and I got sick of always waking up on his bed and not really remembering how I got there!  To cut a long story short(ish) I got him to go to sleep in his cot one night and when DH got home I asked him to help me take the matress out of his room.  Zander mentioned once that the bed was 'gone' and hasn't questioned since that he's sleeping back in his cot.  He's always slept well in it and I think he feels safe there, particularly as he's had so much change in his life lately with his brother arriving.  I'm so relieved he's back in his cot!

In order to get him sleeping well in his cot again we're doing some gradual withdrawal.  WI/WO worked well for him as an older baby but it's completely unsuitable for him now.  I know this because one night I left his room for as long as it takes to go to the toilet and he got so distressed that he was sick.  He has a little Thomas the Tank Engine cushion which I put alongside his cot and I told him that when he was lying quietly in his cot mummy would sit on the Thomas cushion and wait for him to go to sleep but if he stands up or makes lots of noise I'll wait outside the door.  A couple of times I've literally walked out and back in again (no counting) and he understands now that he must lie quietly in his cot.  The first few nights he wanted to have his hand held which of course we did but I started to see we could get stuck holding his hand forever so after 4 nights I moved the cushion into the middle of the room and he was fairly happy with this.

Zander has taken 2 naps since we started the GW, both whilst he was ill.  He seems to be at the stage where he doesn't need a nap (at least if we want him in bed before 9/10pm!) but if he doesn't have one he's rather grouchy by the end of the day so we're playing each day by ear.  Our past 3 days have looked like this:

Monday:
Wake 6.20am
Nap 2pm (in cot since 1pm) - 3pm (I woke him)
Bed 8.10pm (in cot since 7.20pm)

Tuesday:
Wake 7am
Nap None
Bed 6.30pm (in cot since 6pm)
Night waking at midnight, awake but dozing for approx one hour

Wednesday:
Wake 7.30am
Nap None (but went for a pushchair walk at nap-time)
Bed 6.10pm (in cot since 6pm)

When Zander woke during the night I literally walked into his room and sat on the Thomas cushion and he led down and started to go back to sleep instantly - I was amazed!  He took ages to fall asleep properly though and he caught me on my hands and knees in his doorway.  I was trying not to laugh at him peering at me around the cot bars and after a while he started shouting 'Thomas' and pointing at the cushion so I had to go back (and woke up on his floor at 3am!).

The early nights are hard as Nate goes to bed a little later than Zander when Zander doesn't nap.  The past couple of nights I've fed Nate and got him to sleep in my arms on the cushion on Zander's floor which I hope doesn't have a detrimental affect to his (thankfully!) great sleep.  Funny that his presence and the sounds he makes doesn't bother Zander!

I moved the cushion right over to the other side of the room tonight and it was fine (though the room is by no means big!) but I've no idea how I'll ever get to the other side of the door in a few nights!

Kelly x

[LORRIEc]

Kelly, it sounds like you're doing great, you'll be through that door and down the hall in no time.

[*Natasha*]

Just sending yo some encouagment you are doing great love

[KellyC]

Thanks ladies

Well yesterday went really well.  Zander didn't wake until 6.15 which was a solid 12 hour night and he stayed in his cot until 7.15 with me sat on the cushion in his room.  I could tell from early on in the day that he wanted to nap and he went off fairly quickly at 1.30.  I woke him at 2.45 and he was asleep by 8.30 at night ... then woke numerous times during the night and at the crack of dawn this morning    Are we really at the stage where any daytime sleep means a rubbish night?!  Today he didn't take a nap and was asleep by 6.55 (would have been earlier but daddy arrived home from work at the crucial moment!).  Nate was also asleep by 6.55 tonight and I do bedtimes by myself, magic hey?!!

Kelly x

[holdenlouis]

Your supermom for doing both by yourself. We went through and still a touch of some sleep issues. Your right about the hand holding I did it for 6 weeks I think. Normally gw worked for us but this time around he threw tantrums in his bed so I switched to wi/wo and it went better for us. Just wanted to send some hugs and night night Zander sleepy vibes

[shelliz]

Just reading along. I still think you are a superwoman!

 

[KellyC]

Lol, I'm so far from being a superwoman you can't even imgaine 

I must write this down, for myself as much as anything, before I forget - last night was rubbish.  Zander was awake at 1.30am but went back to sleep fairly quickly (not without my help though).  This morning he was up early, I'd guess around 6am but it's getting to the stage where I forget to look at the clock or don't remember if I do because I'm raaaather tired!!  Today he napped from 1.15/1.30 (DH doesn't understand I need precise times ) to 2.15 when I woke him and was asleep by 7.45.  Sounds like a good enough day, I just hope the night pans out.

K x

[LORRIEc]

I hope the night goes well too.  And I agree with the others, you are a superwoman 

[KellyC]

Bleurgh, up at 5.45    I think I was just managing to convince Zander it was still night time when DH got up to watch the Grand Prix    I gave in - sent Zander downstairs to watch the Grand Prix with daddy and went back to bed!!  We had family for lunch so we didn't get him down early for his nap.  It was 2pm and he was completely over-tired.  I woke him at 3pm and DH is in there now at 7.50 waiting for him to fall asleep for the night.  It's very quiet so I suspect they're both snoring 

[yaya]

hugs kelly!

[KellyC]

I think that's exactly why he's waking Stacy but this is how it has to be for the time being as his separation anxiety is really quite extreme at the moment.  Hopefully it will improve as time goes on and once we manage to get that cushion outside his door! 

[KellyC]

Luckily I don't have to feed a newborn during the night, he's been sleeping through from his DF since he was 10 weeks old 

Today Zander woke at 6.15am and I wasn't the most patient, I don't do well after only 6 hours sleep (my fault, I was up late on the computer but I was ordering our food shop and not 'playing'!!).  He slept from 1-2.30pm (I woke him otherwise he'd sleep all afternoon) and I think he's probably asleep now and it's 8pm.  At least I know he's not overtired.  Oh and I've also dressed him extra warm tonight as it's freezing in his room early in the morning.

The gradual withdrawal is definitely working, today I sat outside his bedroom door on the Thomas cushion   The benefit of this is that it's easy to move away into the office next door when he's quiet.  If he gets upset I go back and tell him to lie down quietly and he says 'Thomas' then I just sit for a couple more minutes until he's settled again.  It's less time intensive and I get an excuse to be on the computer next door!

I think after a few days of this we'll move to a wi/wo type scenario as this seems the next step.  What do you think?

Kelly x

[KellyC]

Thanks for your support again Stacy, I can always rely on you and I really appreciate it 

[*Natasha*]

Sounds like you are doing great Kelly well done

[KellyC]

Thanks Natasha - 7 days    Other people's pregnancies go so fast, all the very best and I can't wait to hear about your new arrival.  I know you're done being pregnant.

Last night Zander woke at 11.30pm (I think one of his toys fell out of his cot and woke him  ).  He was quite happy to have me sitting outside his room on the cushion but everytime I snuck off to bed and got settled he started whinging again so I ended up spending the first 2 hours of my night asleep on the landing outside his door!  The plus side of waking late evening is that he slept until 7.15 today and I *think* he fell asleep for his nap at about 1.30 so all is well 

Kelly x