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Author Topic: I need help sleep training 21 month old  (Read 10681 times)

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Offline JKL

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I need help sleep training 21 month old
« on: October 16, 2007, 16:55:55 pm »
I'm not sure where to go from here...

Here's where we used to be:  For months I put ds to sleep by standing over his crib.  He'd stand up and hug me for 5 minutes sometimes, and then when he was ready, he'd lay down and I'd put my hand on his back. This would repeat a ton of times, till the time when he'd lay down and fall asleep.  When he'd wake up at night (many times), I'd go in and do the same thing.

Here's where we are now after some GW:  I stand over his crib.  I hug for about 5 sec, then say lay down.   He does, then he stands up, gets a short hug. He lays down, and the process is repeated till he finally lays down and falls asleep.  No hand on his back.  For night wakings, I go in and give him a hug, and he lays down and I sit by his bed on some cushions that I put there cause he's starting to look like he's about to master escaping the crib..  Then he stands up, gets a hug, lays down....he process is repeated till he falls asleep. No hand on his back.

Now, here's where I'm stuck.  My initial plan was to use GW to slowly back away from the crib, standing, till I was at the door, then to use wiwo.  But, I'm finding that if I even move 1 step away from where I am now, I end up doing a sort of walk over, walk back where he screams, I walk over to the crib and say my phrase and give a brief hug, then walk back to my place.  If I'm having to do this and I'm only 1 step away, I feel like I'm never going to get out of the room!  Is this what i should be doing?  Or should I just forget the gw and do straight wiwo, where i leave the room (a wise BWer once said that it seems like i may be teaching him that when he falls asleep, I leave, which sort of what my gw is doing.)  But I'm torn cause he has never ever fallen asleep without me with him--I'm talking in his whole life.  So I thought a gradual method may be best.
 This has all been complicated by his lingering nighttime cough (allergies or asthma, dr says) that comes and goes and sometimes wakes him up, and his newly discovered climbing abilities.  I just ordered a crib tent, but I'm not sure if I should hold off on the sleep training till it arrives, or hold off on using the tent till we get a little farther along on the sleep training(he hasn't actually climbed out yet...)

Please advise!!!!!!  This is getting ridiculous!
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Offline MDHmommy

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2007, 18:27:07 pm »
Oh man, that is ridiculous! Hugs! I've been not exactly right there, but pretty darn close.

Have you tried sleeping in his room at all?

You might try setting up camp for a few nights in his room and talking him through the need for a hug, from the floor. So it would be something like at bedtime, after you've done adequate patting and hugging, go lie down on the air mattress or whatever you've set up and say, "shhhh sleep time, lie down and go to sleep" or whatever you can envision yourself saying as a "cue" statement for the next 18 years LOL...

Then, stay on the air mattress and just talk him through falling asleep. You might do some PD in there to make sure he understands that he needs to lie down. But after you PD, just head back to the mattress repeating your cue statement.

After he goes to sleep (eventually) you can sneak out for a little while, but come back when it's time for you to go to bed, hit the air mattress and treat night wakes exactly the same.

It seems like you've got a couple of props to deal with - the hug being the first one then you can tackle the "you in the room" prop. You're doing well though, considering that you had to have your hand on him.

Others may have some other ideas - that technique - above has worked for us in the past.

Good luck!
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Kate
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Angelle

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2007, 13:46:39 pm »
jen - have you ever done wi/wo? 
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andibig

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2007, 14:10:40 pm »
I agree with kate that gradual removal from his room sounds the best way to go.
WI/WO tends to be used more for toddlers who have been previously sleep trained and have a" blip "with sleep.

One thing I'd say is try and get ou of the room within 1-2 weeks otherwise you'll be there for ages.
HTH
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Offline Peek-a-boo

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2007, 14:35:38 pm »
Hi Jen, just wanted to offer hugs.   :-* :-* :-*
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Offline Zoey

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2007, 14:36:35 pm »
Hugs from here too - good luck with whatever you do, been a long time coming!  You can do it. :-*
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Offline JKL

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2007, 17:17:59 pm »
Thanks so much everyone.  I am coming up with a plan, and will post it to see what you guys think in a day or so....  DS is coughing his head off at night again, so that is putting me in an awkward position as far as sleep training :-\
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Offline Zoey

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2007, 17:25:55 pm »
I'm sorry that's not fixed yet  :-*
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Offline JKL

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2007, 12:19:13 pm »
OK, how's this sound...
 
  I think you're right, Kate, that I have created 2 props:  The hug/me standing over his crib, and my presence in the room.  So tonight, I'm going to put him in bed, hug, and then lay down and just use my voice so he knows I'm there.  Then, I'll sleep in there, and do night wakings the same, like you suggested, and try to GW back over the next few days.  Thank you!!!
  Part of the reason for the hug is that ds likes to reach into my shirt and hold his "milk"--that has become his lovey.  I've tried over the past few months to intro several new lovies, but had no success.  I thought I'd try letting him pick out a special toy at the store today, and see if that works any better.  It's safe to let them sleep with stuffed animals now, right??? 
  I'm just going to take this one day at a time and see how it goes...Will post tommorrow, cause I'm sure I'll need more advice.
  One more thing, I don't want to start using the crib tent at the same time I start this, cause I think that will freak him out more.  Does anyone think it's a big mistake to wait a few days on this, till we're further along in the sleep training?  Of course, if he climbs out tonight, I'll have no choice...
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Offline Zoey

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2007, 13:07:25 pm »
I think a small stuffed animal without anything that can be removed (no bead eyes, strings, ribbons, buttons etc) is perfectly safe at this age.

Personally I would start the crib tent now.  I believe in doing everything at once - I believe in showing him how you would like him to sleep, one time and not changing the situation after the new way is introduced. Consistency is key!  It could be disruptive to say ok, this is how we are going to fall asleep and then in a few days once he is getting it, change the situation again by placing a tent on the crib.  If there are going to be changes, doing them all at once may be far less confusing for this age.  Of course that's just my opinion! ;) ;D

Not letting him hold your breast to sleep, and not standing there hugging/touching him is going to be a change, he will most likely be upset/frustrated/mad - I think it's important to let him have these emotions, validate them but to stand firm with what you expect and the new way of doing things.  You can do this Jen!  One day at a time, we are here to support you! :-* :-*
« Last Edit: October 20, 2007, 13:09:10 pm by Zoey »
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Offline Peek-a-boo

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2007, 21:47:34 pm »
Jen--If that little man is sophisticated enough to pretend to snore (ROFL), I have every confidence that he will understand what you're saying to him when you explain that things are going to be different.  I would explain before you start your wind down and before you put him in the crib that things are going to be different tonight.  He may fight it and be angry, but with your calm reassurance, he'll get it.

You can do it!

Go Jen Go!
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Offline JKL

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2007, 22:43:07 pm »
Zoey, DH sai exactly the same thing that you did about the tent.  So...crib tent is up, new lovie is bought (cookie monster--he seems to love it).  I let him hang out in the tented crib this afternoon and he seemed to love it.  Here we go........
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Offline Peek-a-boo

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #12 on: October 20, 2007, 22:51:18 pm »
Awww, cute, cookie monster.   :-* :-* :-*
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Offline Zoey

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2007, 23:04:18 pm »
Jen I'm so proud of you!  You can do this, Chase can do this!  I know it! :-* :-* :-*
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Offline JKL

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Re: I need help sleep training 21 month old
« Reply #14 on: October 21, 2007, 00:04:38 am »
Well, he's asleep for now.  That was horrible, but short.  We talked about it all afternoon.  I put him in the crib with cookie monster and stretched out on the floor beside him...And he went crazy.  Oh my, he was so so mad!  First screaming cookie out!", so I took out cookie monster.  Then screaming Mommy up and balling up his fists and pounding his legs.  I kept talking him through it, though I must admit it was so traumatic for me (I know, what a pushover!) that I was crying with him sometimes, but didn't let him know.  A few times he gagged and almost threw up, but never actually did.  After he figured out just pure screaming wasn't going to work, he started pulling the tricks he uses to try and get out of bed usually--first said he was wet (cause sometimes I get him out and change him), then saying boo-boo and making the kissing sound, then he asked for "kleenex"--which I did give to him, cause he had snot poring out--I just wiped his nose and went back down to my spot.  He was so sweaty!!!!! ) When all that didn't work, he went back to screaming Mommy up, till after almost exactly 30 minutes, he just sort of half-collapsed down, got up one more time and screamed about a minute, then lay back down and went to sleep.  So, thank God it was short.  But oh, I feel horrible!  I should have done something about this a long time ago, when he was younger!!!!!!  Anyway, we'll see what the night holds....
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