Help 17mth boy who never sleeps!

[sue4zia]

Hi all

Need some advice. I'm a single mom with a 17mth son absolutely gorgeous in everyway but sleep!

my average day -

*wake around 8.30am feed in bed, 9.30 breakfast (good day eats most of it - bad day 2-3 spoonfuls) followed by another feed
playtime/playgroup til lunch 2pm lunch time same as breakfast (good day eats most of it - bad day 2-3 spoonfuls)followed by another feed. *some days nap will be before lunch normally it's after, some days it'll be 3 but can be as late as 4/5pm - can range from half an hour to 2.5 hrs.  time of afternoon nap detemines what time night one will be (ie) if he sleeps from 3 - 4 he'll go down around 10 if it's later he goes down later
*More playtime/shopping/out and about, sometimes another feed if at home if we're out and about doesn't usually look for it, dinner at 6pm followed by another feed. evening time play. 
*about 8 I'll put on his PJ's then start trying to get him to sleep for the night. he can feed 3, 4, 5 times over the next 4 hrs, on a good day he'll be asleep around 10pm on a bad day it's been as late as 1am.   
*once asleep he'll wake 40 mins for another feed then it'll be an hour/hour and a half or so for the next feed, then another hour/hour and a half another feed etc til morning and we start all over again. 

*by feed i mean breast feed and they can last anywhere from five mins to half an hour for each feed.  it can also take up to 20 mins just to break the latch as he can wake and cry and I've to start all over again or worse he can wake up fully and be up for a couple of hours.

Over the last couple of weeks some night sleeps are lasting up to 2 hrs! 

All advice welcome - have read the baby whisperer book for toddlers and there is a story (pp 254-262) there similar to mine but it didn't go into much detail and the father was also used in the solution which isn't much good for me.

Thanks sue 

[Layla]

Hi Sue & welcome

There are a couple of issues here.

I think the most important one is the feeding to sleep association. Are you looking to wean altogether or just the night feeds?

I also think he is quiet overtired. If he wakes at 8.30am, the nap should really be about 5-5.5hrs from the time he wakes & bedtime about 5-5.5hrs from the time he wakes from nap. I do believe that 10pm is quiet late for bedtime & if its any later than that then its really cutting his night short... hence more overtired & more night wakings.

So I would try to bump lunch up & aim for something like this:
8.30 - wakes up
breakfast
snack
lunch
1.30 - afternoon nap (1.5-2hrs long)
snack
dinner
8.30 - bedtime

You could do this gradually (weaning the night feeds) or cold turkey.
Here's a link to Gradual Weaning: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0
& if you want to go cold turkey: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0

Alot of babies don't need a night feed past 12months but how you want to do is is up to you.... you could say set yourself a goal of 4hr stretch... so if he wakes earlier than 4hrs into the night then you would do wi/wo or pd & then extend that to 5hrs (so no feeds until the 5hr mark), 6hrs, 7 until he is sleeping all night. He certainly doesn't need to be fed 40mins into the night & then every 1-1.5hrs thereafter. He is waking up at every transition (from deep sleep to light sleep, etc...) & using the breast as a prop to return back to sleep. Have a read through that link... I think she also talks about introducing an object or something that will help him with breaking the habit.

Yes it would be much easier for a male to do the night wakings & it would also be easier if you would wean altogether but you don't have to wean & can still do this on your own... you'll just have to be extra strong!

Good luck & let me know what you think.

We'll be here to help you get through this....
Layla

[sue4zia]

Hey do,

Thanks for your reply!  Been keeping Conor to a lunch time nap for the past few days and today he came up to me at 12.45pm all tired. went out for a walk last few days but today we were at home so put him into the pram and was rocking him and singing at first then as he was starting to go i just sang and stopped rocking and would you believe he actually went to sleep - i'm still in shock!!!!!!  Gonna move on to putting him down in the bed and singing in a couple of days once the 1pm sleep is fully established.

Night time hasn't been as sucessful, putting him down for 8pm but he's been waking up at 8.45 and not going back to sleep til 12ish! 

But i feel that i've made some progress with the day so hopefully the night will follow - gonna keep at it and start to try the gentle removal plan at night.  Thanks for the info 

Sue

[Layla]

THats great to hear

Let me know how it goes