WI/WO or PD???

[meltown]

I am not sure which of these methods I should be using.  B is 13 months and as long as I am in the room he isn't crying.  he will stand and stand and stand but not cry.  as soon as I walk out he starts to scream, throws his paci out of the crib and cries until I come in and give it back to him and lay him down.  he is then fine until I leave again.  it is just tonight it has happened but I thought pd only worked when they were crying so I'm not sure what to do.

[Peek-a-boo]

Hun--

I'd give wi/wo a go.  I don't think there's a right answer, but, even from a PD point of view, if he's not crying, you're supposed to leave, so to do PD right, you'd basically be doing wi/wo. 

The other option is gradual removal--stay in the room in chair until he's a sleep, gradually moving closer to the door over the course of several nights. 

However, if he was at one time an independent sleeper and this is just a blip, I'd try wi/wo.   

[meltown]

Thanks Bethany!  That is what I was thinking.

is there a place where it tells you how to do WI/WO?  I havn't been able to fins it so far and I would like to be ready for the next time it happens.

[elmarie]

Hi Mel,

Definitely agree with B.  about the wi/wo for that age.  My lo thought that PU/PD was a big joke and game until I tried to leave the room and would then also start screaming....

[skatty]

WI/WO works here too! (thanks again Elmarie  ) We also get the throwing the dummies rage but I soon figured the crying was anger not true distress and now she takes a max of 3 WI/WOs as she knows it is bedtime and mummy aint playing no more so I amy as well give up!!

[andibig]

Mel
AT the top of the Toddler board in the FAQs theres a post explaining WI/WO.Do you want me to give you the link??

[andibig]

heres the link for WI/WO
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.msg696517#msg696517

[meltown]

Thank you all!!  yesterday he napped really well and I put him to bed his usual amount of time until tired but maybe I needed to wait a bit longer cause it took him 1.5 hours to go to sleep. Thanks for the link I will read up on it so I can do it next time!!!

You ladies are great!

[meltown]

skatty- what would you do when your lo would throw the paci?  or you hear it drop out tof the crib and then they cry? do you go in and give it back and then leave agin?  this has been his lovey he chose ( I still don't like the Idea but it was what he chose so I have to go with it).  If I walk out and he throws it he is usually standing up and wont sit until I come in so me putting a bunch in the crib wouldn't help either.  do I just go in if he is really crying even if he threw his paci.  ( I think I know this answer, I think I'm just hoping I'm wrong)

[meltown]

ok 2 more questions.  he started screaming which he has never done before ( it is nap time and the same thing as last night).  it wasn't like screaming crying, it was just screaming like someone would do to scream at someone else.  I assume this is anger and not needing you??  am I right? 
secondly-with shh/pat there is a 40 min rule to take a break, with pu/pd there is a rule that you do it until nap time is over.  is there a time limit type of thing for this?  if the are not napping do you give them 30 min and then take them out and try again in 20 min or something like that?

last nigth it took him 1.5 hours to go to sleep and nap time today was almost 1 hour.  so I think that's better but I am wondering if I should be taking breaks in there.  if not that is fine, I know it will get better with time but I just want to be sure we do it right for both our sanities!

[Peek-a-boo]

I've never read anything about taking a break for pu/pd.  I don't think it would be wrong, but I wouldn't do it personally.  At this age I think your LO would very likely read it is a you caving to his cries and would motivate further resistance--at least I'm pretty sure that would be the case for my LO.  Personally, I'd go until his nap time is over. 

My LO did a mad "holler."  At first I went in for that, but  it made everything much worse--it wasn't an "I need you"; it was just him expressing his feelings and everything went better if I gave him space to do that and waited for genuine "I need you" cries.

HTH

[elmarie]

I had to do a modified wi/wo with my dd.  When I couldn't leave the room I started with PD (took 2 weeks for her to settle and then it became a game).  I then did GW, totally ignoring her if she stands, when I finally got to the door (took nearly 2 weeks as well) I started leaving-she would scream and cry.  I then started wi/wo.  I had to wait 1 min, instead of the 10,15ect sec, as it was too stimulating for her.  you really need to take your lo's temprament into consideration when doing this.  I would then go in PD say my little thing (sleepie time,mommy loves you or what ever) and leave-even if she cries or stands up.  I would then start timing again.  If she mantra's or even stopped crying for a sec I would start all over again.  If it's a angry cry I would also leave it as it usually would stop before the min was up...

HTH

[andibig]

Mel
I know you asked Skatty about the paci but DD still has one .In the UK you can buy a holder for them (probably something similar in other countries).Basically it clips onto her clothes and the paci is attached by velcro on the other end.
Now it does say don't uses these holders for sleep but the velcro part is not very long.so its a personal choice if you decide to use them.
Regarding the break for sh/pat I think its probably to do with the age you use it.Invaribly you start using it when they are quite young and after 45 mins if they are not asleep they will be hungry,hence the reason you need to take a break with it.
HTH

[mum6791]

My lo uses a paci as well and we did wi/wo with her.  She would throw it on the ground (I could hear it from outside the room).  I would wait until she cried (that never took long) and then I would go back in, give her the paci, lay her back down and leave.  It never became a game because I would only go back in if she was really crying.  I'd definitely wait for the "I need you cry" before going back in.  It is hard because you know it is coming (they want the paci back) but if you go in right away it will quickly become a game.  It worked really well for us and she raley throws it on the floor anymore.

Good Luck,
Jess

[meltown]

Thanks everyone.  we had a rough night last night he cried for a minute or so and I was doing the dishes so I couldn't hear him when I went in he was ok and his paci was in the crib and everything.  I got him to lay down and go to sleep and 35 min later he started to cry again which he often boes when Ot so I expected to go in and pop his paci back in and off he would go again.  we I wen in to find him covered in throw up and I am home alone in the evenings.  so I got it all cleaned up and sat with him and he ended up throwing up 2 more times before he had nothing left in his tummy.  he ended falling asleep again by 10:00 and slept until this morning.  I think he has some deal with cheeses other then chedder.  this is the second time this has happened and both times he had a kind of cheese other then chedder.  so It hink for today we will try the wi/wo but I may have to do a modified thing because I worry about his little tummy.  Thanks for all the info!