pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged

[Sarina]

Another success story to keep you going... At seven-weeks i decided to really get serious with routine and had to do shush/pat to get my boy to nap. For the first four days I had to do it FOR THE WHOLE NAP TIME! (90 minutes). I nearly went insane. Then it shortened to maybe 30 minutes, then within 10 days it was five minutes and then within two weeks I could put him down and he would put himself to sleep, and most of the time put himself back to sleep when he woke up.

To this day we still use a variation (jjust shussing, no patting) if he wakes early from his naps. He's now nearly 6 months old and is like clockwork at nap times. Honestly, putting the time in when he was little was the best thing I ever did, even if I was totally exhausted at the time. He's a dream.

the other thing was that I was REALLY consistent (and by this I mean totally anal) about his nap times. In fact, I still am. He sleeps in his crib every nap and I just work around him. Sounds like a pain, but he's sleeping 12 hours a night and not waking from naps in the day. He loves the consistency and I love the sleep! Also, this routine is getting easier on me because he is now down to two naps a day. So I have plenty of time to get out and get things done.

Good luck and keep going! It really is an amazing technique and well worth the effort!!!

[hannahbanana]

I also felt that shush/pat (after a while) wasn't teaching sleep but blocking her emotions/cries.  Looking back, that's what I needed to do when she was that young.  At about 4 months, I started to move away from shush/pat (PU/PD didn't work for us, too upsetting), so I just kept my hand on her and stood with her as she worked through her feeling (i.e. cried).  I offered verbal encouragement, stroked her, etc.  Within a couple of days, the crying had reduced to only a few minutes; now we sometimes have NONE!  The thing is that she was old enough and capable of soothing herself--she hugs her bunny and sucks her fingers.  She could not do these things at 8 weeks, so I had to do the soothing for her.  Does that make sense?

It does take a long time.  But I think the next time around I'll be more patient with myself because I'll really KNOW that there is light at the end of the tunnel...and the tunnel is long but not never-ending.    Hang in there.

[lyndsy_p]

Wow....I was just checking on this post and am feeling totally lucky that I am involved with BW'ing. What a great support group this is, so much help out there for those who need it.

bla04017.....Being a Mom is hard. You are doing the right thing by helping your LO. 

Hey Mods...this topic gives me the warm and fuzzies......can we make it a sticky?

Lyndsy

[shanaz]

That's a great idea

[Sarah - Enfys' Mum]

Hey,
Shh pat IS hard - it almost finished me off but it was SO worth it.  We probably spent three weeks to a month doing shh/pat for every nap, bed time, and night waking.  I was probably too strict with the routine and made things maybe more difficult for myself than they needed to be.  I remember posting a very similar message myself and having a reply from someone saying, you know, if you can't handle it, you don't HAVE to use shh/pat for every nap (always do it at bedtime though) - it will take longer but sometimes if you have to use some AP, then do it.  I think the same person also said use the cat nap as a freebie - ie the car, pram.  Unfortunately, Enfys will ONLY sleep in her cot but she she sleeps great.  We do our wind down, swaddle, etc.  I put her down and she settles herself to sleep.  It was SO worth it.  Hang in there.

[Colin Macs Mom]

stickied 

[bla04017]

Okay.. Today the pat/shhh has taken anywhere from 40 mins-1 hour.  He starts to cry as soon as I swaddle.  So I try to sit with him, doesn't work... he just fusses and cries.  I put him down and do the pat/shhh. We recorded the sound of the faucet and play that with a recorder instead of the shhh.  He stays calm the whole time.  His eyes are WIDE awake and he just looks around.  I try to hide from him or he'll just stare at me.  He squirs a bit, but isn't crying.  As soon as I let up (with the pat and the shh) he starts to fuss/cry.  But if he is calm the whole time, should I continue with it.  Sometime he wakes in his nap but he isn't hystarically crying (so do i need to go in and do shh/pat if he isn't crying a lot??) 
I've heard people say something about a mantra cry??  What is that???

[Kimberly®]

A mantra cry is hard to discribe, but basically its when its not a full out cry. Usually one that stops and starts, if you know without a dobt it's not a real cry by all means wait. With time and practice you'll learn what your LO's manta sounds like, each has a different one.

40min-1hour is not bad at all. Good job.

Its up to you how you want to do it. If you want to stop when he is calm by all means do, but wait a few minutes by his side, if he fusses wait, you don't want to wait to long, but a moment to see if he settles again is fine.

Something that may help is when your pat/shushing, stop slowly, so don't just suddenly stop and move your hand. Slow it down untill its just your hand on him, then if he fusses you can even just try a hand on him, that can often work too.

Sounds like you are well on your way though

[Zoey]

What does your routine look like - could you be waiting too long before doing your wind down?  Maybe he is a touch overtired, therefore overstimulated?  Want to post your routine?

I totally agree with Kimberly, slow down on the pat before stopping - I think stopping abruptly can be startling. 

When you turn him on his side to pat.shh you may consider turning him away from you so he can't see you.  Also making the room dark may help.

Keep up the good work!

[zed]

Okay.. Today the pat/shhh has taken anywhere from 40 mins-1 hour.  He starts to cry as soon as I swaddle.  So I try to sit with him, doesn't work... he just fusses and cries.  I put him down and do the pat/shhh. We recorded the sound of the faucet and play that with a recorder instead of the shhh.  He stays calm the whole time.  His eyes are WIDE awake and he just looks around.  I try to hide from him or he'll just stare at me.  He squirs a bit, but isn't crying.  As soon as I let up (with the pat and the shh) he starts to fuss/cry.  But if he is calm the whole time, should I continue with it.  Sometime he wakes in his nap but he isn't hystarically crying (so do i need to go in and do shh/pat if he isn't crying a lot??) 
I've heard people say something about a mantra cry??  What is that???

I am sorry to hear that things are not working out at you hoped.  I am wondering if it wouldn't be easier on you and your baby to stick with wake, eat sleep cycle but maybe do a little more in the way of feeding on demand.  With both of my boys I fed on demand for the first 3 months.  Sometimes that meant I fed them to sleep.  I know that BW doesn't think that is a good idea but   IMHO, it is way less stressful on every one.  I am of the opinion that as long as you start sleep training just before or at 3 months you still have a pretty clean slate to work with.  You will also have a baby who will feed better and be able to eat enough at a feed to go longer. 

This brings me to my next thought.  Are you sure that your baby is getting enough food to feel satisfied before going to sleep?  Is your baby suffering from gas or reflux?  Maybe there are reasons why your baby is crying before each sleep cycle.

Personally, I found that going with the flow worked best for my two boys.  I did spend a fair bit of time cuddling my boys before sleep.  I practice the cuddle until mostly asleep but still aware that they were being put into the crib. 

Best wishes to you, I know that the early baby days with your first can be a confusing time

[bla04017]

Again, thanks for the support.  I'll write more and give ya'll an update, but for now I've got to go.  THANKS!  HUGE HUGS TO YOU ALL TOO! 

[kyleighb]

We have had our first proper success today!! Finally!!

Sebby has been a chronic 45min napper since about 4 weeks. He was usually happy the first few times he woke up after 45 minutes, but the real problem came at around 4-5pm, the witching hour.

We are now on a 3.5 hour EASY (trying slowly to transition to a 4 hr), and for the first time today, I have not needed to go in to him at the 45 minute mark and resettle (using shush/pat and paci) him to sleep!! (I went in anyway, just to make sure, but he's all good!).

It has taken A LOT of perseverance, and even though this might be a one off, I know we are heading in the right direction!

[lilmonkey]

Way to go!

[sophieschoice]

Hi, Jackson William's mom!
How is it doing? I hope things are better, but , as others in PP said: it is a log term game. My DD is almost 9 months now, but it took me/her until 3 months old at least, to learn to fall asleep in the crib, by herself, and even then - not every time. Since 3-4 weeks old, she was often crying her head off, before falling asleep, I was doing the ssh/pat, but sometimes she would arch back and my DH discovered that it was better to put her on our bed and ssh/pat her lying there, then put her in her bassinet, once calmed down.. or not:I started to ssh/put her in her bassinet, with my upper body/ arms  around her, till she would finally calm down. It could have taken 45 minutes to put her to sleep, I almost hated the BW book ;-)  I thought I had a super Grumpy/ Spirited baby. I didn't know yet, that she needed , for example, an earlier Bedtime, not 7 PM rather 6 PM.  And didn't have much support form In-laws in trying to establish a routine for the baby. So this to say I too felt like all my days are about putting her to sleep. But eventually about 4 months  age all  things started falling into place.
I read the book " Healthy sleep habits, Happy child"- helped me to understand a lot about the mechanisms of sleep+ gave support in my defending her naps against  the relatives. If you skip the CIO method the author of this book advises, you can get good info from there, just use the BW methods to teach the child independent sleep.They do learn it with time and parents consistency!
At about 4 months baby's brain  sleep patterns "mature" and get better organised so they can sleep through the night ) almost), and learn naps schedule. So what you invest in the baby now, even if you don't get immediate success, you will receive later, trust me!

Hope it helps, I know how hard it is in the beginning, especially with the first child

[bla04017]

Hi Sophie's mom,

Thank you for checking up on me.  I thought the pat/shh was going good for a while... but then I think he got used to it and started fighting it like crazy.  I began to feel hopeless.  About the only thing that seems to work is to rock him and then put him down.  Even with this he is a huge catnapper and I feel like I spend my whole day putting him to sleep.  It is really frustrating!  I don't know how people have more than one kid. 
Things seem to be a little bit better and I just try not to stress over every little thing (easier said than done sometimes)  Sometimes I just have to get out of the house, run some errands, go on a walk, or go visit my mom... and that is about the only thing that keeps me sane.  My baby too is a gumpy/spirited baby.
And ya know, I just keep telling myself that in a few more months, hopefully things will just work themselves out and life will not seem so bad and I wont spend all of my time putting him to sleep.  I've noticed a trend where people say thier babies just eventually get better once they get a bit older.  Therefore, I wonder if all of these methods are pointless at this point, thus... I try not to stress about doing them consistantly. 
Thank you for your thoughts.... it really helps to know that not all babies are perfect sleepers and that mom's have been through what I am going through now. 
Thanks again.