pat/shh success stories PLEASE POST, really discouraged

[noahgena]

Thanks Inara for your post, it's just what I needed as today I am in despair as we are 4 weeks in to 40 min naps with my 17 week old DS.  My hair is falling out like no tomorrow and I'm not sure if it is just post-pregnancy or stress?!?  Some days/naps are great so just when I think I've cracked it, our day/naps go back to being a disaster.  Your post is a great reminder to stop stressing, to stop being so hard on myself, to stop expecting that I should have all the answers, to stop being rigid and by the clock and that I am a GOOD mum of a beautiful LO. 

[Mia's Mommy]

I just started the EASY routine 2 wks ago and got REALLY discouraged w/ the pat/shh method, not to mention sooo exhausted. Like you, my hubby is very supportive but I'm a stay at home mom too, and it's sooo tough during the days by myself. Right now, to aleviate stress, my hubby and I are rocking baby to sleep... I know this defeats the whole purpose but I too am so tired...

I'm glad I logged in today and read everyone's posts. My hubby gets back into town tonite (he was gone for 4 days!!!) and will talk to him again about doing the pat/shh method again... wish me luck...

Also, do you all know how to calculate EASY schedule for preemies? My LO's actual age (from birth date) is 8 wks and 5 days. Her adjusted age (from due date) is 4 wks and 1 day. I'm not sure how long awake time should be. And what are the sleepy cues to look for? I found the following link for sample EASY routines, (http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=164027.0), just not sure if to use the 4wks or 8wks???

Help!

[~Sara~]

nlvroman--Go by her adjusted age for A times.  Here's a link to average A times, but keep an eye on her as she might need a little more or a little less.  Every baby is different and these A times are a guide.  Also, keep in mind that shh/pat also takes time to implement and to figure out the pattern or variation that your LO responds best to.  Good luck!
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64158.0

[Mia's Mommy]

Thanks Sara!!!

[Mia's Mommy]

I feel your pain... I really do....

Here's my story which is a little different since of course all babies are different...

I began the ssh/pat method 3 days ago. Spent a good 40-45 mins of doing it until my LO fell asleep. And then, she'd only take a nap for an hour or so. IF, I'm lucky...

Well, my hubby and I changed our approach a little bit. It took a lot of energy doing the ssh/pat for that long of time, for each nap. So we began doing the Four S's for wind down two days ago. She fusses and cries a little while I'm holding her doing the ssh/pat, the first sign of her getting drowzy, I lay her down in her crib. Sometimes she continues to close her eyes when put down, but most times, her eyes fling wide open, as if completely awake. Well, I pat her a little and do a little more sshing, say comforting things, and leave the room. And come to find out, she's falling asleep on her own. No more rocking her to sleep, nor doing ssh/pat for 40-45 mins.

I really believe in getting to know your baby, reading her cues, and combining different methods for your own LO. Each baby is sooo diff. Of course, this takes trial and error. My biggest advise is be patient. AND KNOW YOU'RE A FABULOUS MOM, WHO CARES SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR BABY!!! Trust your instincts!!!

[jakobsmommy]

i totally agree!

i also do natural horsemanship (or did before i lost my horse ) and always held in my mind that 'it wont take longer than 2 days', DS2 is a textbook/spirited and took about 3 tries at shh/pat to get him down to 12 mins from 30. hes 13m now and often goes down without a murmer and rarely cries.  persevere xxx

DS1 is a grumpy/spirited who we did CC with and he still struggled to fall asleep till he was 3 (and still prefers to be with us)

i havent had time to read all posts but in case you are still debating it, i hope your mind is erring away from CC.

xxxx 

[LifeGiver]

I have to say that perseverance is the key!

DD was using a paci to sleep, so it was easy to put her down. WHen she found her thumbs she gave up the paci (around 3mo) but wouldn't find them to self-soothe, then I was rocking her to sleep. Sometimes she'd fall asleep independently but when she'd fuss I'd rock her. When she was around 2,5mo I started doing shh/pat. I gave up for a while because sometimes it'd take me a long time (that's why the paci). But she she was 3,5 I decided to really take it seriously.

I started doing the 4S and shh/pat. DH mocked on me and even said that patting her on the crib would be the same thing as rocking... I insisted, showed him how I was doing and he still didn't believe. We put DD to sleep on her side for a while so it was easy to pat her back. After sometime it was easy to put her to (back) sleep just patting for a while but she wouldn't put herself back to sleep at night without me patting her, then I realized I was becoming a prop for her.

One day, she was almost 4mo, I watched her cues, did the 4S and put her in the cot (on her back), kissed her, said "have a good nap" and left the room. She babbled and complained (not cried) but fell asleep independently! After that first time I did the same over and over again and she sleeps! no need for me to pat her anymore!! sometimes when she wakes up at night she whimpers and go right back to sleep!!! Of course that if she cried at naptimes, bedtime or at night I go for her, but it's not my first option!

I mean, it works! If I have had the same consistency from the beginning she'd probably have learned to sleep independently much earlier!

Get to know your LO, you'll find a way that suits you both best!

[pondofstillwater]

I just want to say to those moms who are frustrated: hang in there and be consistent!

I started this method with my DD when she was 4 weeks old... it was like a suicidal mission every nap and bedtime. DD would cry and cry and arch her back and fight with me. The average was about 30min to 1hr to put her down. And if I missed the sleep cues, things would really sort of get out of control.

BUT, I stick with it... at around 10 weeks I start to notice the crying time starts to cut in half. At about 12 weeks which is when DD about to turn 3 months, there was no crying any more. It was a miracle. It was like all of sudden I am going deaf. Now at just about 4 months, I just have to swaddle DD and lay her down in the crib, draw the curtain and she will start to drift to sleep. I still stay at her side just in case she needs more time to settle so I would Shh a bit. But on the whole, she is putting herself to sleep and is able to go back to sleep between sleep cycles.

So the Shh-Pat does work, and it is not a prop!

[rustysunshine]

Hang on in there! You are doing a great job of one of the most frustrating processes ever!
Shush pat worked for us...but only after a few weeks of feeling like we were getting nowhere and lots of tears (not just DDs! - I remember sitting by her crib for practically the whole day twice, just in my pjs, faithfully shush patting while she absolutely refused to nap!! - even though I had put her down when she was showing tired signs etc - ALL day!). I
 was ready to give up and even tried a couple of other things but felt if shush pat worked it seemed to be the nicest way to do things and it made sense in theory - that you help to sooth them while they are lying in their crib and reassure them that you haven't abandoned them, they build familiarity with the crib and (eventually) more of a sense of calm and confidence when in there.
OUr DD is 9 weeks and at bedtime she falls asleep independently, I think the routine of bath, swaddling etc has helped with that too. Then at naps, provided I put her down before she is overtired, she (usually - only in the last week or so though) either falls asleep quickly without fuss or makes 3 or 4 bursts of quick noise or yelps then drops off. Be encouraged that it is a longer process than you think but it really should pay off. I didn't even see much improvement until she just kind of got it - so hang on in there and well done for persevering! x

[gloriapearl619]

My success story!
My baby girl (7 months old) had been taking 30-45 minute naps since she was about 2-3 months. After 4 months of this silliness, I was SO incredibly fed up, cried out to the Lord for help and came across this website!

A couple of days ago, I decided to start the shh-pat, and do it until she went back to sleep, no matter how much she fought it. (to extend her naps.) So, I did. I shh-patted over the side of the crib, with my smart phone in hand, reading success stories while I shh-patted!! haha, that helped pass the time. Imagine my surprise when after 30 minutes of patting, SHE FELL ASLEEP for another 45 minutes!! The next time I tried it, she fell asleep within 25 minutes, and then 5 minutes, then 3 minutes! And she sleeps for another hour and a half usually!!

Incredible. DON'T GIVE UP!!!

[ebmgothicgirlie]

I have been doing shh pat for 2 days and am hoping the same ... please start working !!

[MarciaMSPT]

Not sure how to quote from a past post but:

"Sh/pat is used for bedtime, if your lo is crying at other times you can comfort him in other ways."

Uh oh... really?  Does that mean I CAN'T use sh/pat for naps?  I'm trying to diminish the bouncing prop right now for naps and bed time but wondering why we can't us sh/pat for naps?

I understand the support of a wonderful hubby but it's all on me during the day... we live so far out that it's hard if not impossible to get people to come this far to help.

Hugs to everyone struggling... it must be a huge boat we are all in!

xoxoxo

[MarciaMSPT]

This may be a little early to say "Yay!" and I'm guilty of trying several new things at once and sticking to what is working better...

Sh/Pat never worked in the past - seemed to make my LO angry and he screamed all the more (14 weeks old now).

However,  I recall in one of Tracy's books that sometimes smaller steps worked better...

I'm trying to replace the bouncing on the ball for the sleep prop with the sh/pat.

So... I'm still keeping one arm swaddled for now... except for the morning nap which is the best nap.

The other two naps aren't so successful but even though you aren't supposed to pick you LO up, if the sh/pat isn't working after about 4-5 minutes, I've picked my LO up and sat on the ball with minimal bounce if any (weaning it away!) and replacing with a bottom pat and then a chest pat.  Yes, I'm picking him up, yes I"m bouncing a little bit... but I'm slowly weaning things away.  When I get braver and he's used to the sh/pat, I'll start doing it for more time before picking him up.

I have one question though for anyone out there... is it reasonable to let my LO cry for 4-5 min and try to resettle himself before going in to sh/pat?  I think I made the mistake today and ran right in with no faith at all in my little guy that he could resettle - although he has in the past...

Open to suggestions, opinions and help from anyone who this resonates with. 

Hugs to all... motherhood is very hard - no one could ever have prepared me.  My little guy is adopted - had him an hour after birth... I really want/must protect the trust that he has in me and be careful not to do anything that would break that.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I think "bedtime" means any sleepy time yk?

Is the cy a mantra cry? If so by all means let your lo have at it unless it becomes an "I need you" cry. Sometimes it is hard to tell (my DD2 had a loud mantra took ages to figure it out and I swear she was relieved when I left her alone!).

[Purplekali]

Hi, I've just started trying the shh/pat with my 11wk old a few days ago. It does work but he screams his head off during it before eventually calming down after 10-15 mins. Is this to be expected or does his sting reaction mean he dislikes the shush or the pat and I should try another variation? He also hates being swaddled so the crying normally starts then, meaning I have to move straight to the shh pat as he'll just cry if I put him straight in Moses basket swaddled. Also have noticed he cries MORE now than when I started this rather than less. Any tips gratefully received