DESPERATE AGAIN! NEED HELP PLEASE

[newmom7]

Well, now my ds is 13.5 months old...not yet walking but almost..cruising and a few stumbling steps here and there before he falls down crawling. He almost has his 2nd First molar in on the bottom. We think he is a spirited type mostly with a little touchy/grumpy too. (according to the quiz on this site) Anyhow. We are having major sleep issues every week AGAIN. This has been going on for months on and off and honestly, I just can't take anymore. When he doesn't sleep he is MISERABLE to be around. My dh can't take it either, honestly. We both feel like we were conned into this parenthood thing only to be sabotaged with the hardest baby alive. We cannot figure him out to save our lives. Lately, a weird pattern seems to have developed...not sure if coincidence but he has been fighting naps and nightime sleep every Monday and several days thereafter, usually at the beginning of the week then it seems to straighten out a bit.

From the problem solving we've been able to do (which aint worth much these days, or so I am beginning to think-I can't speak for my dh but my confidence as a parent is now non-existent) it appears that especially on Mondays, my son has a hard time keeping his schedule. He wants to sleep later in the a.m. (6:30 instead of 5 or 5:30 a.m.) then he fights naps all day, usually skips one, then goes to bed early under major screaming protest. He is clearly overtired by that point. The only thing that is different on Monday is that my husband goes back to work after the weekend, and he is usually the one putting our ds down for naps and nightime sleep on weekends. (most of the time) During the week I do all naps (I stay home) and some bath and bedtimes if my husband doesn't make it home in time from work. Anyhow, is it possible for a baby to be THIS sensitive to a change in schedule or routine? I just can't understand it. I mean if he is, he's going to have to snap out of it, b/c that is just not life. The world is not going to conform its schedule to how he likes it. As a baby, we can do our best to help with one, but there are just going to be days when it is not possible for my husband to get home from work before bedtime or other things will disrupt routine like special outings, holidays, etc. The only other thing that has changed (that I can think of) is that for the past several weeks (about 4 in a row) my in laws have come over to babysit for a few hours every weekend during the day on either Sat or Sun. He seems to enjoy their visits, and he ALWAYS sleeps for them (naps tested only). It just seems like I am the one he mostly acts up for with the sleep issues, although he also does it to my husband now and then, but not usually. We have been using the gradual withdrawal method (advised by our dr and also the one we chose based on our baby's temperament b/c walk in walk out seemed to make it worse, although I admit I didn't try for long b/c of this. He seemed confused by it though) Anyhow, we don't have to stay in the room every night  just to get him to sleep, only sometimes like on Mondays when he is hysterically crying almost the minute we put him down or else when it escalates a few minutes after we have left the room. We do usually try to leave his room first b/c sometimes he will fall asleep after a few minutes of an angry cry, but others times he won't and it escalates so we respond by going back in, comforting him/checking on him (only level of comforting needed), then putting his music box back on, laying down in his room while he is in his crib and ignoring him until he falls asleep then we leave. We have never made it out of the room so to speak (using gradual withdrawal from a bed in there) b/c in between there are some nights and naps when we don't even need to stay in the room. It is so confusing. Anyone have any insight I don't have? I feel helpless. Thanks 

[andibig]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Touchy/spirited-yep got one of them .

Sashas sleep always goes a little "off" after Nanny has visited.

Ok i think the reason he "acts" up for you (and now DH) is because he knows he can.he feels most comfortable with you and the most secure and that you will still love him regardless.Does that make sense??I think touchy toddlers are VERY sensitive to changes and while at this age its difficult for him when he gets older you can tell him that things are going to be different on a particular day (ie-ok nanny is going to give you your bath today etc)

Is his routine pretty consistent when in-laws are visiting?
basically is his bedtime the same time,the windown the same etc?
when the in-laws put him down to sleep do they do the same as you?

Is it possible to look at his routine?

Andrea

[newmom7]

Hi~Thanks for the quick reply! Umm...yes my in-laws do follow his routine although sometimes they may put him down for nap a bit earlier or something if he seems tired, but other than that they do the same wind down routine, etc. As far as his routine, it's  been a bit variable with wake up times lately...he was always an early riser. Here it is...

5:00-5:45a.m. wake up (big variation here....sometimes as late as 6:15 a.m. or 6:30 a.m. but not very often)
7:00 or 7:15 breakfast
9:00 nap until around 10 or 10:30, depends on when he falls asleep...usually sleeps anwhere from 45 minutes to 1 hour 30 min
Snack when wakes up
11:30 or 12 noon lunch
1:30 or 1:45 nap until around 3 or 3:30 (usually 1 hour 30 min but sometimes 2 hours even....I wake him up by 3:45)
5:00 p.m dinner
Bedtime usually around 7-7:30p.m. (usually after 4 hours A time)

Come to think of it, he has been having some night wakingsoff and on lately too....I just chalked it up to teething with his molars. A few weeks ago I had to go in his room and stay with him for several nights at least once a night to get him back to sleep, but last week I didn't need to. He still woke up a few times at night and seemed to be really restless all night. Those times I waited a few minutes and after a few short cries or fusses he went back to sleep. As of last week, and last night also, he almost ALWAYS wakes up between 3:30 and 3:45 a.m. like clockwork. I hear him on the monitor. That is when he is apt to cry out the most. Also, I hear he is restless around 4 or 5 a.m. but he could hear my dh getting ready for work. Hope this helps solve the mystery?!

[andibig]

The NWs could very possibly be teething related.Molars are the worst,well they certainly were in our house,so if they are on the move they could possibly be making him restless (and also causing short/no naps).are you giving him any meds for the teething?

When sasha was an early waker i had to start limiting her daytime sleep.so her AM nap was 1hr and PM nap was 1.5 hrs.this eventually added more night time sleep.
My other thought was possibly hunger not that i think you should start feeding at night!!!but does he have anything after dinner like a milk drink or a bedtime snack?

[newmom7]

Andrea,

Yes, I give him Infant Motrin or Tylenol for teething pain...depending on what we have in the house. Motrin seems to work better, or at least it lasts longer.  The homeopathic stuff never works on him at all unfortunately, so I gave up on the teething tablets. Orajel doesn't seem to help much either and he doesn't care for teething rings of any kind...I've tried them all including a frozen washcloth.

I wondered about limiting his daytime sleep too. Especially since our ds has suddenly gone from sleeping 10.5-11 hours at night to around 9.5 or 10 and then taking longer naps during the day.

Yes, we do give him a bottle of milk before bed. He usually drinks between 6-8 oz. It is part of our bedtime routine...bath, bottle in glider chair in living room, then bedtime story in his room, music box then we put him down in his crib awake but tired, and leave the room. Unless of course he cries for more than a few minutes and it is clearly not a mantra cry, then we go back and try gradual w/d.

Last night, he screamed for like 25 minutes before he fell asleep. My husband put him to bed and went back into the room to do gradual withdrawal after ds wouldn't settle and was crying hysterically. DH said after a short comfort he laid in the bed ignoring him. Eventually our ds just went to sleep but he still cried for quite awhile when dh was laying down in the room.  Comforting him too much just seems to fuel his crying and hysterics, so we only do it when he is truly REALLY upset and we can tell he won't be able to calm himself down. Sometimes he reaches that point quicker than others. My philosophy is, at least if we are there and he is crying, he won't feel abandoned. Anyway, ds never made it thru his first sleep transition last night...after 45 minutes he jolted awake (from OT) so I went in that time and comforted him. He was so upset I had to pick him up and hold him for a few minutes standing by his crib, then I put the music box back on and put him in his crib and laid down in his room. He cried for about 10 minutes then back to sleep and he slept through till 5:30 a.m. his normal wake up time. This morning he fought his nap at around 9, but fell asleep after I had to go back in once and retrieve his lovey blanket.  Sometimes I think ds purposely throws his 2 little blankets on the floor so I will have to go get them. He won't really sleep without them or at least it takes him forever to settle. I sense that he might be manipulating me by this behavior, but I'm not sure. I don't give him any reward when I go in...just pick up the blankets, put his music box back on and leave. Sometimes I have done this though and it is a mistake...once he sees me he throws a screaming tantrum b/c I left.

[andibig]

I know sasha at that age was getting 2.5hrs daytime sleep.thats about average although some may be a little less.regardless of what time she woke up the amt was the same.
the only thing i would vary would be her bedtime,so if she woke earlier then bedtime would be pushed up.so maybe introducing a few early bedtimes after the weekend would help.possibly he is over excited from the inlaws visit at the week end and needs more night sleep .

throwing his lovey out-thats pretty common and a lot of toddlers do that.many a time i've had to go in and retrieve DDs doggys from underneath her bed.i don't say anything,just put them back in the bed and walk out.

I would be really tempted to do gradual withdrawal at bedtime.so do your normal routine and sit in the chair (or bed) once you have laid him down until he is asleep rather than waiting to see if he will settle then doing it.he may only need this for one day if you are lucky but i think it would help settle him after the weekend visits.
hth