spirited toddler - why me

[Leesa]

I've come to the conclusion that I have a spirited toddler. I even thought to myself - hmm, maybe I'm just looking at this from the wrong angle. So I took that quiz, definitely spirited  At this point, i don't see this as a good thing.

She has been waking every night between 10pm and midnight SCREAAAAAAAAAAAMING. When I try to comfort her (and I only pick her up when she asks me to) she hits and scratches and kicks and screams. Then I put her down and she screams blue murder. I wonder if the neighbors think we are beating her!!

Some days her nap is 930-10 and 130-3 and other days when she wakes at 7ish I lay her down at 12 and let her sleep no longer than 3pm. (typical wake up time is about 630) 

She's not ill, definitely teething (canines) but it's never really been a huge issue. Nothing Motrin can't take care of anyway. It's just been the last week that she goes ballistic around that time.

Any thoughts? Typical behaviour for a spirited toddler?

Even when she is playing, I cannot just join in or change activities. I have to wind things down and make it clearly and slowly explain that this activity is now done. I can't just let her out of the grocery cart to walk beside me becuase she will never get back in (wont let us put her back in). I cannot go down the toy aisle because she'll cry blue murder until we give her a toy. We never give in ( I always put her back in the cart and dont get her a toy if she throws a tantrum). Part of me thinks that I am causing her all this distress  and yet my son was never like that (he was an angel personality though).  I am so not used to this... personality. I'm almost.. well I am very resentful. 

[rinajack]

Thoroughly recommend reading Raising your spirited child.

As for the NW, can't help, my 19mp still hs them all the time, she too is spirited. That book helped me understand her personality so that I can foresee issues a bit better and prevent them where possible.

[Leesa]

It's tough with a spirited lo eh? I am so not ready for this. Brayden spoiled me 

You are so right about the language.  Maddy has a little friend named Jacob. She calls him... Jacob. She calls her daycare lady ... Rose (thats her name).  She knows exactly what she wants and will walk us over to it and points to it as if to say "duh hello dont you get it stupid??" She reminds me to brush her teeth...every morning. Maddy is like this little wind up doll, if I let her go outside she would go and go and go like the energizer bunny. Demanding & Sassy. Gosh I feel so sorry for myself 

With Brayden, we could go anywhere, do anything, he would just put himself to sleep, wait until we had his bottle ready..whatever, whenever. .. Definitely not Maddy.

Thanks for the shoulder Stacy 

[rinajack]

Sassy is a word I use for my lo too, I actually like it most of the time, her antics (even when she is screaming) make me nearly laugh (I try not to LOL). Like Stacy, embrace it. Zara's latest is she won't let me choose her shoes, that creates an all out tantrum.  If we let her down in a toy store, we don't get the tantrum, we lose her!!!! Has happened a couple times now. She is also now trying to insist on dressing herself but she not able and she gets really mad if I try to help her, especially if I don't ask her permission to help her first!

[Leesa]

Thanks ladies  I should really learn to stop trying to stuff Maddy into my day. I don't think she will ever let that happen anyway 

As my husband always says, as long as she is happy, let her be. Stop trying to interfere.

I guess I had this image of this cuddly, soft sweet little baby girl and instead I got this aggressive sassifrass.  I suppose I'll learn to love it in the long run 

[Leesa]

Last night was the worst night yet. She went to bed ok (7pm) but woke at 3am screaming. I went in and offered to pick her up, she reached out to me, I picked her up and she proceeded to pulverize my face. I layed her back down without saying a word. She twisted and complained for a bit but settled down and went back to sleep.  5am same thing. Woke up screaming. I paused for a bit to see if she would calm down because she would scream, long pause, scream again, long pause and then go into a full blown screaming fit because I didn't show up right away. So I reached out to her, she reached out to me, I picked her up and she proceeded to beat me again.  I don't know what I did to make her this way. I don't know why she is acting so angry. 

[Leesa]

Yah she has two canines trying to break through and 3 molars. (Doc confirmed this, I took her in because I thought she had an ear infection).

Really? Seriously? I don't mean to sound as if I'm not comprehending but... if that truly is what happens then it would explain her behaviour...

[Leesa]

Maddy was never a terrible teether either. I've been able to keep her comfortable.  My son never had the problem so I never put the two together.

Seems as if Maddy is the same about waking in pain.

So do you give him a dose of tablets or Motrin when the 8 hours is up even tho he doesn't get up or just wait until he wakes up in pain?  (obviously giving him first dose before bed right?)

[lilmonkey]

Stacy,  reading your comments on Kaleb and how you deal with it really makes sense to me.  I guess that as a parent our job is not to make them fit into our mold of the perfect child but as their advocate in their growth as a unique individual (even if it didn't mesh with our personality. )

[rinajack]

It is totally right though.  And re the teething, Zara doesn't do those kind of NW but when she is in pain from teeth or ears or the like, she hits me during the day.  Out of frustration, anger, whatever.  If she doesn't hit me, she even hits herself.  As soon as the pain is gone, she stops the hitting. It is like she NEEDS a physical outlet in order to cope with the pain.

Out of interest Stacy - have you read RYSC? Just curious....