Transition to big boy bed was going well BUT gone AWOL...Help needed pls!

[kirsty_167]

Hi

Jakob is 27months old and last week went into a bed. We decided to put him into a bed as he was waking loads due to hitting his head on the cot rails.

The first night was awful but every night since had been good...........UNTIL now that is. He wont stay in bed and performs the minute we try to leave. He gets down and runs for the door. We put him back but he grumps and grumps and fights bedtime.He gets up, tries to destroy anything he can,kicks the wall till we think he wil put a hole in it! He basicaly is running riot in his toyless room!
(I have removed all toys and left books and only soft toys. He has 2 cars he is allowed to take to bed. he has a blankey.)

What can i do? Do i really have to stay in his room and put him back in bed millions of times until he relents and goes to sleep?  He is very strong willed and gets a awful scream on when he gets mad............I dont know how to deal with this.

Any tips,advice gratefully received.

Kirsty

[M and N's Mom]

No advice, just sending you {{{Hugs}}} and marking my place as my DS is still in the crib but sounds very much like your DS so I'd like to hear the advice!

[Claire Anne]

Do i really have to stay in his room and put him back in bed millions of times until he relents and goes to sleep? 

OK someone else who has experience may different advice but for what it's worth...!!!!
I think you need to stay out of the room. Just put him back into bed and leave. Otherwise he may be playing to the audience! And I think you do have to keep at it until he gives in  - and realises who is boss!!! I have not had to do this myself yet as DS does tend to stay in the room but I have a strong feeling DD will be a different kettle of fish. I would take that approach though. But tell him the 'rules' before you do it so that he knows they are rules and that you will stick to the rules.
That is what I would do. He will give up!!! Just make sure he gives up before you do!!!!!

Hey even if the advice is rubbish, have some moral support!!! These things are exhausting!!!

[Lana]

When E first realised he could get out of his bed and came out we walked him back and put him back to bed and said "it is bed/naptime".  After the third time we only walked him back and said nothing and gave him no reaction at all.  He only did it for two naps and one bedtime and then stopped doing it.  Oh yes and we did leave the room

[mari]

Hello there Kirsty.
I think that Previous posters are right in saying that you need to keep putting him back into bed and leave the room.
Just one question though, what is his bedtime routine exactly?  Do you go in his room for any amount of time. ie for a story?

[kirsty_167]

Hi and thanks for the advice everyone!!

To clarify a few points...

* Jakob doesnt come out of his room as he can not open his door. He only gets out of bed and bangs on the door or walls
* We have always had a bedtime routine of stories for about 20 mins. At the moment it is 7.30pm. His routine has not changed during transition.

OK someone else who has experience may different advice but for what it's worth...!!!!
I think you need to stay out of the room. Just put him back into bed and leave. Otherwise he may be playing to the audience! And I think you do have to keep at it until he gives in  - and realises who is boss!!!
Hey even if the advice is rubbish, have some moral support!!! These things are exhausting!!!

 Thank you Claire your advice is so not rubbish, I appreciate it all!!!



So........What I am not sure of is when i leave the room,close the door and go into the lounge, he gets straight out of bed. ( i hear him thump onto the floor) What do I do?

Questions

A)  If I hear him out of bed do I leave him to it or go in and put him back into bed time and time again? (he is in his room not out wandering around)

B) I put him in bed and he performs.............do i still leave. At the moment I calm him down until I can get out without him screaming. (he is still complaining but not screaming)

Jakob has proved to be a challenge for all new things. He is so strong willed it is difficult. He takes great glee in doing what he truley knows he shouldnt...and believe me he does know. I ask him bedtime rules and he tells me "stay in bed".................so when he gets down he actually laughs hysterically! (geee where is the funny side, i fail to see it lol)

I know it is about making it clear that bedtime is just that....so what do i do now?

Thanks
Kirsty

[mari]

You could try leaving the door open and saying that you will be just outside if he needs you.  That's what I do if Alex is having a bad time settling.  She absolutely hates the door shut, so I never do that, but if she is unsettled I find something to do upstairs and she finds it easier that I am nearby.

A bed is a big step and they feel rather exposed I think (Alex does anyhow!)  A cot offers protection because it is closed in, so they like to feel safe shen they first make the transistion.  That's the way that I looked at it.  I also promised to get her a Fifi and the Flowertots bed if she stayed in it! lol  So, you could always try bribery too!

[Two mummies]

Here's what we have done with Riley, she transitioned to the big girl bed 2 weeks ago. First up we put a baby gate on her bedroom door as we aren't big believers in closed doors (too hard to peak in later and see what's happened). We started with the normal bedtime routine, kiss goodnight then leave. Of course the first thing she did (and still does) is leap out of bed! She basically does one of two things...tanty cry at the gate or quietly plays in her room.

At first we tried to put her back in bed everytime she got out and ended up putting her back every minute for the next hour and a half!!! Figured out pretty quickly that Riley thought that was the funnest game she had played in ages!!

So next we decided that whoever didn't tuck her in (we take turns) would go in after a couple of minutes put her back in bed, say it's sleep time now, and then leave. At this point we set the timer and wait at least a full 5 minutes before going in and putting her back in bed (we do this silently with no eye contact). Then we set the timer for 10 minutes....we have had to do it again after the 10 minute timer (ie. another 10 minutes) but no longer.

Obviously if she get's genuinely upset (at this stage we can tell the difference between tanty protest cries and genuine distress) we go in straight away and settle her back in bed.

I have to say I miss the old days of popping her in the cot and not having a peep out of her!!!! It is a difficult transition for us parents but we have lowered our expectations and come to expect that she will pop out of her bed initially. Hopefully if we stick to the routine she will start staying in bed of her own accord or even putting herself back into bed after she gets out!

It's a real pain but the big lesson we learned is not to constantly put them back in bed as that's part of the game.

Hope this helps.

Soph

[Lana]

A)  If I hear him out of bed do I leave him to it or go in and put him back into bed time and time again? (he is in his room not out wandering around)

You have two options really, you can just leave him to it and he will eventually go to sleep (maybe on the floor) or you can leave his door shut but not latched(that is how we do it) and if he comes out you just keep taking him back

B) I put him in bed and he performs.............do i still leave. At the moment I calm him down until I can get out without him screaming. (he is still complaining but not screaming)

What do you mean by performing?  If he is not genuinly upset I would leave him be TBH

[kirsty_167]

Thanks everyone for the help.....I am just feeling so lost right now

B) I put him in bed and he performs.............do i still leave. At the moment I calm him down until I can get out without him screaming. (he is still complaining but not screaming)

What do you mean by performing?  If he is not genuinly upset I would leave him be TBH
[/quote][

Oh by Performing I mean.......moaning at me not wanting to go to bed, trying to clamber past me down onto the floor etc

At first we tried to put her back in bed everytime she got out and ended up putting her back every minute for the next hour and a half!!! Figured out pretty quickly that Riley thought that was the funnest game she had played in ages!!

Soph

Sounds  exactly like my son!!!

So next we decided that whoever didn't tuck her in (we take turns) would go in after a couple of minutes put her back in bed, say it's sleep time now, and then leave. At this point we set the timer and wait at least a full 5 minutes before going in and putting her back in bed (we do this silently with no eye contact). Then we set the timer for 10 minutes....we have had to do it again after the 10 minute timer (ie. another 10 minutes) but no longer.

Soph

Great idea!!!!!! Thank you

Currently I leave the room as soon as he stays put on his bed. The I leave him to it until I know he would be dog tired,which is about 30 mins later. Then I go in put hm back on bed if he is down and leave. The i dont go back in until after 9pm which by this time he has always passed out,(always on the bed in the end). Then I put his pjs back on, which he always strips off , tuck him in and leave.

I guess Im trying to learn how to teach him to stay in bed when he is put there in the 1st place!! My older DD who is 12yrs old, never once got out of bed and was an angel baby/todder/child................Jakob is 100% opposite and as different as 2 children could possibly be lol!

Thanks everyone...all tips greatly welcomed!!

Kirsty

[Lana]

Probably you could just keep on doing what you are doing as long as there is nothing in his room that he can hurt himself on then just leave him to it.  Eventually he will go to bed and stay there

[kirsty_167]

OKay.....last night was the WORST night EVER!!  He did not give up and go to sleep until 11pm!!!!   AND only after his daddy went in and lay down with him.

AND he still woke at his usual 7am!!

Today I took the day off and completely took out anything he could play with or destroy (he got into his drawers last night and found creams which went everywhere )  He now only has his bed and drawers left in there.

Im so lost and this is proving to be a major transition challenge!!

I have only read all the success stories I seem to be alone on this nightmare?

Tips greatly appreciated!

Kirsty

[Lana]

Kirsty

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} for you.  I am sure you are not alone in this one. 

Although I think that taking all things out of his room was the best thing to do , now that you have done that you just need to stick to your plan.  Make sure to tell your dh that he doesnt want to make a habit of laying with him to go to sleep unless he wants to do it for the long haul. 

[Claire Anne]

Do you think he is overtired by the time you get back into him - if you are leaving him for 30 mins then maybe that is too long?
My DS gets totally wired if he goes past his bedtime and is capable of taking ages to get to sleep (involving a lot of messing and that kind of nonsense too!) so I do know how hard it is. I have to be really firm, stick to the rules like nobodies business and absolutely NOT stay with him at all as that makes him much worse! It's not being cruel to leave him alone - he needs the peace to wind down. I only cause him to stay awake.
I really feel for you. I know how tough it can be. But honestly I'd have as little interaction with him as possible - your physical presence (in and out of the room) should be enough to let him feel secure. Something a bit like walk in walk out might help. You could just leave the door open, and when you hear him out of the bed, go in and put him in again. If he fights you, do the best you can to get him to lie down but if he hops straight up again I'd still leave the room and wait outside for a minute or two before trying it again. Maybe you could do a night night kiss the first time, and say night night the second time, but say nothing after that. He will get sick of it. (Hopefully before you do!)

In any case, I hope you have a better night tonight. It's an absolute disaster when this happens at the end of the day and you're at worse lowest energy level!
 

But whatever approach you decide on, stick with it rigidly as it may take a week or two to really take effect......

[kirsty_167]

Thank you for your replies!!!

My Dp only lay in with Jakob as i was sooo shattered and had work supposedly the next day. It was out of sheer depseration basically he did so...it defintely is not a regular thing and never will be.

Last night was better. Jakob did his usual perforamce at bedtime but settle qucikly, i mean lets face it there was NOTHING to do in his room BUT lay down lol   I went in 20 minslater and he was nearly asleep but looked up and told me he had done poos (oh bugger) Anyway he settled quickly after a change of nappy and went to sleep. I tucked him in when i went to bed. He cried out at 11pm and my dp went in, at some point Jakob had got out of bed and lay down on the floor. He was cold so he woke. Dp put him back in bed and left.

In the morning I went in and he was still in his bed...so yay for one good night! Fingers crossed for more of those.

Kirsty