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Author Topic: Why I wont' do CIO  (Read 1910 times)

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Offline vacamex

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Why I wont' do CIO
« on: February 07, 2008, 17:55:13 pm »
Hi y'all: DD is 7 months old and we're on the second round of PU/PD. Last night she woke up at 11pm (for her dream feed), then at 1am (and resettled herself but still woke me up), at 4am (and took me 1hr to get her to sleep again) and finally at 6:30am.
As you can imagine sleep deprivation is killing me and I need to reinforce my idea of not trying CIO ever, no matter what. I think that saying out loud why I won't do CIO (or posting it  ;) )will help me with that; please feel free to add your own reasons.
1. DD could be teething. So if she is in pain, there is no other way to stop that than with mommy or daddy and Baby Oraljel help.
2. She is a textbook/touchy baby... separation anxiety is about to kick in so it would be the worst possible moment.
3. According to Attachment theory (by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth) the baby needs to know that her needs will be fullfilled consistently in order to develop a secure attachment. The secure attachment is the most positive one and it has been demonstrated it will impact the child's self esteem, self concept, etc. Not responding to her at night would be pretty inconsistent on my part.
4. Many people have told me (repeatedly) that they did CIO and it worked for them. Every single time, I've told them that wouldn't work for DH, DD and me. If I try CIO now they'll think I caved... childish, yes. But I don't want that.
Any other?
Thxs, and if anyone has a spare hug that can be sent my way I'll appreciate it  :-*
CC
« Last Edit: February 17, 2008, 14:07:53 pm by vacamex »
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Offline SiestaNoMore

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2008, 18:01:19 pm »
Sending big hugs and hopefully some sleep soon....

Been there too - it does get better and you'll feel so much better knowing you didn't do CIO!
{{{{HUGS}}}}
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Offline deb

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2008, 18:02:10 pm »
Sounds like you've got some really REALLY good reasons not to do CIO. I frankly think that what others think of me is THE least important reason to do (or not do) anything, but otherwise I totally agree. :)

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you, and hang in there!
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Offline ~*~Little Miss Sunshine~*~

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2008, 18:11:21 pm »
~~~~HUGE HUGS~~~~
Stay strong!  YOu know you can do it! And we are here to help!!  :-*

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Offline RachelC

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2008, 18:20:53 pm »
{{{{hugs}}}}
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Offline Samuel's mum

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2008, 18:28:05 pm »
HUGS from me too.

I wouldn't do CIO because it makes no logical sense to me. Why would my parenting style be different because it's dark outside? Imagine going to a friend's house for lunch and you've both popped into the kitchen for a moment and their child starts crying in the living room - obviously needing mum's attention - and the mum said, "I'm not going to him. He needs to learn to sort himself out whatever it is. We're practising CIO".

And I think this baby time is so fleeting and precious I don't want my LO to feel for a moment that I'm not there to offer support and comfort. CIO seems such a lonely fate.
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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2008, 18:34:17 pm »
Quote from: Samuel's mum on February 07, 2008, 18:28:05 pm
And I think this baby time is so fleeting and precious I don't want my LO to feel for a moment that I'm not there to offer support and comfort. CIO seems such a lonely fate.

Got that sentence made me feel weepy! I so so agree with that!

Hugs to you, lots of great reasons there :) Forever thankful I didnt do it with DD, I hadnt dicovered bw when DS was born and I did CC with him, I will regret it forever  :-*
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Offline shelliz

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2008, 19:46:31 pm »
GREAT BIG GIANT HUGS!!


You are soooo doing the right thing and I KNOW it will pay off for you down the road! I have multiple friends who have done CIO and issues are resurfacing now. You just watch how your dedication and hardwork will pay off with your children! Your child will be comforted always knowing that you are there if she needs you. Later, she will have the self soothing qualities she needs to do it herself without wearing herself out and falling asleep in a puddle of tears.

GREAT JOB in listening to your mommy instincts and not jumping off a cliff JUST b/c everyone else did!  Come back for support any time!

  :-* :-*

Shelby
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Offline Colin Macs Mom

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2008, 23:47:01 pm »
I think that as a general rule, a parent should probably not do something that goes against their instincts, in the pit of their stomach. CIO does, so why do it? That this-is-wrong feeling should tell ya something  ;)
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Offline vacamex

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2008, 01:41:29 am »
Thank you all for the hugs and the extra reasons.
All of them are very good. Samuel's mum, your example is great... I'll use next time someone suggests (again) CIO for us. Jessica, you're so right about the instincts... whenever I hear DD crying I have this gut feeling and I know that I HAVE to help her stop whatever is bothering her... I couldn't deal with hours of fighting that feeling because I leave her to CIO.
Again, thxs for the hugs and the advice.
CC
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Offline MJMom

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2008, 03:50:00 am »
Hey.. want to hear a good one... I mean really good one...

It can possibly impair brain development.  Seriously.

Reading a book called "A General Theory On Love" that talks about the development of the Limbic brain, which is shared by all Mammals and how it is the emotional center of the brain.  Just read a bit yesterday that cited studies with monkeys and puppies how leaving them to CIO caused heart rates to go up by 3 times normal rate as well as a myriad of other physical issues.  We're not talking a long time.  We're talking 15 minutes!  And how further socialization skills can be negatively effected.

We're talking SCIENCTIFIC evidence!!!  (Granted... not proven in humans, but do you actually want to run that test?  yeah... didn't think so.)
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Offline hiriskmommyX2

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2008, 04:19:50 am »
I know during those quiet, sleepy nighttime hours, it's tempting. I never did it and I'm glad. I agree with SHelby. The work I've put in on sleep training and falling asleep independently is going to pay off ten fold now that DS is adjusting to daycare. It is only day 3 and he had a great day of play and naps (one where he even fell asleep independently). He came home happy and was all smiles.

Another reason I couldn't do CIO is that it just absolutely breaks my heart when my son gets so worked up. I can handle the fuss, but I can't handle the cry. I don't want him to feel alone. I don't want him to cry for me and me not be there. I want my son to know that when he's so young and dependent on me for everything, I will be there for him. When I pick him up and he continues to cry, I want to give him all the love and comfort he needs to get through whatever is bothering him. I also want him to know when he's not so young and not so dependent that I am still here for him. It's my job as a mother to take care of my boys no matter the age.

I wouldn't leave my baby alone to figure out how to sleep, any more than I would leave my 3 year old alone to figure out how to read, or leave my 4th graders alone to figure out how to multiply. Children need love and care and guidance at all ages. IMO, CIO is not in the job description.

Diana
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Offline elf

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2008, 06:05:27 am »
I too have never been able to let my dd cry it out.  She is a good sleeper but we have had a few nights where she has cried and yes I go to her!  One night she was crying (Because she sleeps well, when she does cry I DO assume she needs me) and I went in and I just put my hand on her chest and she held it and took a few deep breaths in between her little sobs and then calmed down and went back to sleep for the night.  So yes, I think she did need me.  Even if her good sleep habits changed I wouldn't do it...  People say I don't know what it's like because I do have a good sleeper but I just know that I wouldn't do it.  I get so many comments about how happy and SECURE she is.  I put her to bed, give her a kiss and her little duck toy and thank her for a lovely day and tell her that I look forward to seeing her in the morning.  I have seen some children whose parents have used controlled crying and yes they have good sleepers but do they have secure and happy children?  What is the point of having a fantastic sleeper if they are not confident that Mum and Dad are there for them...  And the reality is some children don't ever learn to sleep through the night (I have a friend who's second son didn't sleep through until around 18 months) but she is the most amazing Mum I know and she just used to go back and have a nap when she put her kids down in the morning...  Her two boys are beautiful, secure confident and happy and they love their Mum.  CIO always seems so cold and I just know that I could never do it - I would be the one crying.  How would I know if my dd had stopped crying so I could here her but was still sobbing quietly to herself all alone thinking that Mummy didn't come to her?  Good on you!
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Offline Katet

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2008, 07:30:49 am »
My response has been... if my dh was calling out from the back yard calling for help in a needy way I wouldn't respond "Oh he'll work it out if I leave him to it" so if I wouldn't not respond to my dh need for help (even if it was he couldn't find a screw driver LOL) then I'm not going to not answer my child.

Heck I've hardly had an unbroken night sleep in 4.5years, still don't often get them with toilet calls from my 2.5yo BUT I've adjusted my lifestyle to deal with it AND I was a person who needed 10hours before children & now I survive on about 6.5hours (often in 2 lots)
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Offline MJMom

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Re: Why I wont' do CIO
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2008, 14:25:29 pm »
Quote from: Katet on February 14, 2008, 07:30:49 am
My response has been... if my dh was calling out from the back yard calling for help in a needy way I wouldn't respond "Oh he'll work it out if I leave him to it" so if I wouldn't not respond to my dh need for help (even if it was he couldn't find a screw driver LOL) then I'm not going to not answer my child.
So sage! 
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