Help needed! Don't know which issue to tackle first.

[cufren]

Hi all. Hope someone can help before my DH and I crack up with exhaustion.
My lovely 18-month-old son has a good night time routine and goes down to sleep by himself pretty well, including his daytime nap. It's bath, book, cuddle, bottle then down into his cot. He is pretty sleepy at this time and goes down well. But, he wakes in the night, anywhere between 1.30am and 3.30am. Unfortunately, I have been giving him another bottle when he wakes because he screams blue murder if he doesn't get any. Then, more often than not, when I try to return him to his cot, he arches and there's more screaming because he wants to sleep with us in our bed. I blame myself for allowing this habit to form as I was so tired and couldn't fight him for long enough during the night. Will moves around a lot when he does sleep with us so we don't sleep well and are feeling very sleep deprived. He does on occasion go all the way through, but I can't identify what the difference has been to his day/routine when this happens. We're just not sure what to tackle first to get things back on track, which method to use (WI/WO or PD) and how to go about the withdrawal of the milk. Hope someone can help. My little chicken will feel so much better for continuous night sleep, not to mention his Mum and Dad.
Thanks all,
Kate

[lilianaortiz]

Hi!
I had the same problem regarding the night bottle!. I always thought that he was still hungry, and my DS (16 months) also arched his back and pushed me away as he was very angry for not getting the milk, so  I gave it to him. But someone told me that if they have slept through the night before it means their stomach can handle 10-12 hrs. So the advice I got was not to give him milk, instead just the bottle with water (which is also better for their teeth). The first night I did it he took the bottle had some water, and kept crying. I let him cry but I was there the whole time just patting on his back and speaking to him that "he was not hungry, that it was bed time, time for sleeping, etc". I took me 1 hr before he went back to sleep on his own. Second night only 15 min, third night he did not wake up!.
From that day on, if he wakes up in the middle of the night I check him if everything is OK, try to calm him and lay him back in the crib. Next step I offer the bottle with WATER!, sometimes he takes it and goes back to sleep and sometimes he does not wants it...but I have never offer him milk again, and I think he knows there is no milk at night!
Good luck and hope this helps!

[kim&savannah]

I agree with the pp about eliminating the milk.  That is probably what I would try first because you might find that when he gets used to not having milk, he may stop waking up and then it won't be such an issue with him wanting to be in your bed.  There may be some screaming at first, but if you are consistant, he'll probably learn pretty quickly and then you can reassess where you are with the sleep issues.

BTW, it it makes you feel any better to know you aren't alone, there are plent of kids in the 12-18 month range on here who are still waking at night for various reasons (mine is one of them and yes, it drives me mad, especially since he hasn't bee bf at night for months and we stopped bringing him to our bed even before that, but that's a whole other post )  These LO's are tough to crack sometimes!  But keep working at it and you'll find what works for all of you.

~Kim

[cufren]

Thank you both so much. I have tried to give him water in his bottle but he goes bonkers. It sounds like I need to persist with this though. Should I keep him in his cot, not get him out at all when I offer him the water?

[Mydreamcametrue]

If you can get a book called 12 hours by 12 weeks by Suzy Giordano.  

It goes into detail on how to elimnate the night feed.

So you don't have to get the book unless you want to:  Here is what is bascially suggests:

So I make sure I have this correct, he is only waking up once?

Actually that is pretty easy since it is only one feeding:

How much does he drink at night? I am going to assume 8 oz.

Sunday night:  7.5 oz
Monday: 7 oz
Tuesday 6.5 oz
Weds. 6 oz
Thursday 5.5 oz
and so on until you are down to no feeding.

If he does take less at a feeding, then you start from there:
Example:
Sunday night 7.5 oz
Monday 7.00 oz offereed, but only drank 6.00 so
Tuesday you only only give 5.5 oz.

I hope this makes sense.  

Also you could try setting your alarm clock and getting up before he does.  I am almost certain this is mentioned in Tracy's book - Solve all your problems.

I think once you have gotten rid of that night feeding, he will sleep all night.

HTH
Wendy

[kim&savannah]

Wendy just posted while I was typing--kind of the same idea here.

I probably wouldn't pick him up, but it depends on him and his temperment, which you obvously know better than I do.  I know with my DS, if we pick him up, its usually that much harder to settle him.  But there are nights that he is just out of control and we have to pick him up to get him to a level of calm that he can then wind back down.  So at least with my DS, I don't have a set rule I follow--just try to read him and make sure I'm not sending too confusing of signals.

If you've tried the water and he's screaming too much for you to handle (or for him to calm donw), you might try a more gentle method--you can water down his bottle--maybe 50/50 and then 75/25, etc. . .until its all water.  That can be easier for some kids (although it takes longer than going cold turkey.)

~Kim

[cufren]

This is sounding encouraging. Thanks for the advice. Will only takes between four and five ounces so, in theory, your method shouldn't take too long Wendy. I'm sure it's not because he needs the milk, it's just become the tool that helps him get to sleep. 
Fingers crossed.
Kate

[Mydreamcametrue]

Good Luck.  My DS1 was the same way.  He just needed it to go back to sleep.  Of course back then a that age, I was not a BW and I did the awful cry it out method (thank goodness only took one night).  Not suggesting that though and I would never ever do it with DS2. 

Hearing them cry is the worst thing ever.

If you need any more tips from the book or more detailed plan, let me know.  I think it is pretty simple though. Just remember, if any of the nights he takes less than what is offered, that is your new starting point.

Keep us posted.

Wendy

[Mama2boys]

hello ladies,

i am joining the gang, DS is exactly there, I have been giving a feed at 4amish for so long and have not had a single nights proper sleep since he was born..make it 8 months of pregnancy. DS is now nearly 13mo.

Plain water has not worked, DS cries blue murder and then i end up giving milk, but his tummy is already full and he doe snot take enough milk so crazy cycle.

Am going to start the diluting trick now. But will tag along to see how you all are doing and what advise you are getting.

Thanks,
Mukta