HELP - unsure of what I am doing and losing confidence

[KMET]

I have a three week old ds who up until this point has been frequently falling asleep while nursing. Despite trying to wake him up after feeding before sleeping, I have to admit that I often put him in his crib already asleep. The other times I have been trying shh/pat with limited success. Sometimes he would go one cycle without sleeping at all. As I know that nursing him to sleep can cause problems, I decided that I would ensure that he was awake after feeding starting a few days ago and now I have a huge problem. Once he is awake, he only wants to suck and his hands are frantically moving about. He resists being swaddled, no matter how tight I swaddle him or how many times I repeat it. Despite trying to wind down, he quickly gets to a point where he is inconsolable and screaming. The shh/pat does not work at this point. I really don't want to use a pacifier as we tried that in the last three weeks and he was using it to fall asleep and woke up every time it fell out. As well, we noticed that his feeding was affected by its use. I am totally at a loss of how to proceed. Is he just adjusting to not having the breast to aid him to fall asleep or does he truly need to suck. Any advice would be great as there is nothing that I can do to console him right now and it is breaking my heart. HELP PLEASE.
Other than this, we are loosely following a 3hr EASY schedule and he is content the rest of the time when he is not falling asleep.

[isaac'smom]

First of all...((HUGS)). I know how challenging this can be and how hard it is when your lo is inconsolable.

Have you checked out the gentle removal plan on the props board? It's in the FAQ section, I believe. It's a great way to gradually eliminate the sucking-to-sleep association. Did you try to stop cold turkey? Might be too drastic of a change for your lo. The basic idea of the gentle removal is that you start removing him from your breast earlier and earlier each time you put him down to sleep, thereby reducing the amount of help/sucking he needs to fall asleep. It can work but takes awhile and a lot of consistency. I liked it because it's very gradual and easy on the baby.

You might also want to check out the Aussie Swaddle technique in the General Sleep board in the FAQ section. (Sorry, I can't remember how to properly link to these).

Have to run, hope things improve for you! Will check in later...

[Shaota]

**HUG!!!** I've been there & know how heartbreaking & frustrating that is. My first few weeks with my LO was exactly like that, but, since she was preemie & jaundiced, they told me that it was what to expect & that I should wake her when she'd sleep at the breast so she would get enough nourishment. They suggested I wake her by rubbing my thumb in circular motions in her palm. Well, that didn't work, & I know it sounds horrible, but, the only thing that helped was keeping a cold drink nearby & when she'd dose off & stop eating, I'd touch that for a second against her back through the onesie & she would immediately wake & start eating again, lol. She wasn't mad unless I touched her with it too long. I didn't totally confirm to the BW & EASY plan till she was amost a month old & she could stay awake longer.

As far as once she awake & then overstimulated & wouldn't go to sleep, I got some great ideas from advise I got on these message boards & from my SIL. When I was having this problem with my DS, and the shh/pat would only make her cries escalate, I have a white noise machine that I put right up next to her cause I could "Shh" loud enough (they say you  have to "shh" louder than your LO cries). So, I turned the white noise machine up as loud as it would go & while she was swaddled & on my shoulder, I put her little head near the white noise & patted her. Almost immediately, she quieted, stopped squirming & her eyes closed! I couldn't believe it!!! So, I moved the machine to a table right next to her crib & put her in it & she drifted off to sleep. It really does help to shut out the outside stimuli. If you don't have a white noise machine available to you, & want to try this anyway, you could use an AM radio on a channel that has no station (just white noise), or there was advise from another mom on here that said that when she had this problem with her LO, she took her into the bathroom & turned out the light &  on the fan & that worked for her. Some people have used the vacuum cleaner or a hair dryer for the white noise affect.

It gets better, I promise! It's tough at you LO's age, but, there are some great people with great advise on these message boards, so if what I'm suggesting doesn't work for you, I'm sure someone here can help.

Good luck! 

[KMET]

Thanks for your advice and suggestions. I have read the link to the gentle removal, but the problem comes mostly when he had fed and has had a bit of activity time and then I see his sleepy cues and we start our wind down. That is when he gets frantic and only wants to suck. As I said previously, even though I really don't want to use the pacifier, I think that perhaps it is the only solution. But I am wondering if I push on through just trying to comfort him for the next day or so whether he will overcome this "accidental parenting" (the three day magic as suggested in Tracey's first book). Does the three day magic work for an infant so young?
If he is too young - could someone please suggest the appropriate use of the pacifier, so that he does not start using it as a prop. If I am correct, I could let him use it to fall asleep, but then remove if once he is asleep so that he doesn't use it while sleeping (and so I don't need to go in every ten minutes to replace it).
Thanks so much!

[*Nicola*]

Oh big ((Hugs)), the newborns days are hard work aren't they!?

I think a couple of things are going on. Firstly he is so young that his activity time should be absolutely minimal.  You would be looking at him being up for no more than 45 mins-1 hour at a time.  This would include feeding, changing, burping, cuddles, wind down, kwim.  So 1 hour max from coming awake to actually being back asleep.  Is this what you are doing at the moment?  If not then I think you should definitely start 

If you are breastfeeding then your baby might not be able to make it to the 3 hour mark between feeds.  You might find that a 2.5 hour EASY works better for you both.  I think the most important thing at this point is getting the sleep to come after the activity rather than after the feed, kwim?  Easier said than done though isn't it?  I would continue with the swaddle, tbh.  You will probably find that he gets used to it and it will help him settle down.  What you could do is feed, change bum half way through if he is falling asleep, feed again, burp, swaddle and bed.  In the very early days I would sometimes feed right before bed again, so that DD was sleeping/drowsy and then put her down.  Gradually as she got older we put her down more and more awake using pat/shh.

It definitely sounds like he is getting OT and that is why you are struggling to get him to sleep. See how the 1 hour A time works for you both. 

I have never used the dummy with my girls so I'm afraid I can't help with that.  I used to offer the breast lots with DD2 to ensure she had lots of sucking time.  Hopefully someone else will offer some wisdom in that area