Waking at night demanding cuddles

[Jesse]

Hi, some help would really be appreciated. My little girl is 3 in July and used to be a great night sleeper. However since we had lo number 2 (now 4 months) she's started waking in the night asking for cuddles. She wakes up and screams - I rush in wondering what's wrong (and l don't want her to wake up her sister) and all she wants is cuddles. I would be happy enough to do this if she settled and went back to sleep but she wants me to cuddle for the rest of the night. When I try to leave she starts screaming again. I usually cuddle for a minute or so then leave again, and she screams again. She used to scream for a while then eventually go back to sleep, but now she's started going into the corridor to scream or even our bedroom. I put her back to bed and have even shut her door with the light on (she's scared of the dark) where she'll scream for a bit then fall asleep. By this time this happens she's usually woken her sister, so I have another one to settle.

I don't know what to do, I hate the thought of not being there if she needs me but I think this is just a play for attention. Please help!

[Mama2C]

It really does sound like a play for attention. If you don't go in, does she just get up and run to your room? How do you feel about not cuddling her and just returning her to her bed without a word (or only a few)? I don't have experience in this but it sounds to me like your cuddling her is only going to encourage her to keep doing it iykwim.

I know she might keep screaming and wake up the baby but it seems like she is doing it anyway.

What if your dh went in to put her back to bed instead of you? 

[Lucysmom]

Can you talk to her about this during the day and say that instead of having night time cuddle times you are going to have some day time cuddle time?  So perhaps get some cushions, her favorite stuffed animals/dolls, a nice soft blankie, some books, and just sit for 15 minutes with her and cuddle, talk, read.  I know this will be soooooo hard to do with a baby at home but I think it will pay off in the long run (can dh take the baby for a short time?).  She is craving attention from you and needs to know that you are there for her still.  She hears the baby scream and you go running to them.  I think she wants to know you'll do the same for her.  Obviously being up a million times in the night is not good, so instituting some really special one on one time with her might help.

Huge hugs to you....this must be sooooo exhausting. 

[Lucysmom]

Oh, and I wouldn't let her scream on her own.  I think in her mind that would just "confirm" the false thought that the baby is now more important than her and that her place in the family has been taken.