I can no longer cope with this situation.

[fearn]

hey there,

Good for you to take stock and reevaluate.  My situation is a lot like yours and some times my lo sleeps good and sometimes he doesn't.

I had mentioned that I have PPD, and it is really scary to admit it as there are so many stigmas and ideas that go along with it.  Why don't you try talking to your doctor (or try to edinburg test, it's what public health nurses use to screen mom's and is very accurate).  I truly was feeling the same way as you, obsessed about naps.  I thought if I could only get him to nap good I would be ok.  Well, I realize now that that probably was where I was focusing my frustration, but had ppd anyway.  PPD is a chemical thing and not something to blame yourself for.  That is why medication is one of the most effective things to treat PPD with. 

No pressure, just want to help if I can.  It is so hard to be where you are...Take care.  Try to get a good sleep a few nights in a row.  You will feel so much better!

Karen

[musicgal03]

So GLAD things are improving!! Just take it one step and one day at a time. It is a huge success that you got her back down! Awesome!! This might just be where it all turns around. Some days are going to be better then others. Sometimes I just write off a day and think that tomorrow is a new day and it will be better. But I have come to realize that babys naps can not make or break a day. If we only focus on that we miss all the beauty around us, and we become depressed. I was there myself only a couple of days ago. I was so frustrated over the naps that I just let it go. And guess what? Baby has been napping great! Not on cue and on the minute of our routine, but he is napping when he is tired. I feel so much better!! I think I read that Tracy said somewhere that one can't totally go by the clock, as long as we are following EASY. The times of EASY can vary. Our babies are not machines. Somedays they are more tired then others. Aren't we all too?!

About the PPD...There is so much open discussion about it now which I think is GREAT!! But I don't think that just because we are feeling low and depressed about something it is PPD. You ARE tired and get frustrated, especially trying so hard to do it all "right" and according to "schedule". Do you feel better when you get baby to nap? Or does nothing make a difference?
I am asking because I felt so down that I started questioning the PPD myself. But once I let go a bit and things are working better everything changed! I feel like a different person!

HUGS!

Annie

[Lucysmom]

Hi -

In regards to the PPD, only you can determine how you're feeling and if it might be PPD.  I thought I would throw the idea out there since I did "recognize" myself in your post.  However, that is not a sound diagnostic tool by any stretch of the imagination.  So that is why I pointed you towards the PPD board and in particular the Edinburgh test as that is a self-assessment.  When taking the test you have to base your answers on how you've been feeling for at least a week.  That way you can determine if this just might be a bad patch or if things have been rough for a while.  It is just a really useful tool to take advantage of in order to keep an eye on yourself.  Like others have said, if you do end up with PPD, it is nothing to be ashamed of as it is a chemical imbalance.  It is a real physical ailment and warrants treatment.

I hope that things continue to improve but don't hesitate to come visit the PPD board and I would recommend taking a moment to take the Edinburgh test just for self-awareness.  You do not have to share the results with anyone. 

Huge hugs!!!!   

[chars mum]

Hi MathildasMum,
Like so many who have already responded to you, I was there also when my DD was around the same age.  My LO is now 7.5 months old and things are better but not perfect in the nap department.  I recall feeling obsessed and really down about everything as the entire days routine revolved around naps...or lack thereof.  You feel like you have been locked in the house for days, in fact you don't even know what day it is anymore.  EVERYTHING takes 100x more effort because you are completely spent. 
What made all the difference for me was 3 fold: 1) realized that I was being obsessive and needed to just relax, taking one day at a time...always thinking that tomorrow in another opportunity for even a little improvement, 2) I stopped watching the clock and started watching, learning and acting on my LO's cues...they seem to gradually change as they develop so there is always learning to do, and 3) the unbelievable support I found on this website.  In fact, I ended up PMing another mum with a bub the same age as mine and having same issues and we have quickly become good friends.   
Try to get out of the house for some fresh air too when you can, even a little walk around the block, it will help clear your head.  I'm sure I read that scientific evidence has proven that exercise is as good if not better than antidepressants.   
So hang in there, you are doing your best and that is all you can ever ask of yourself.  Celebrate the small steps forward when they occur...like yesterday!  We are all here for you!  Big hugs    

[MathildasMum]

today is a very bad day

[chars mum]

How have things been last few days?  What is happening today?   Maybe we can help?

[MathildasMum]

the last few days have been characterized by an amazing success with for four days running managing for the first time in her life to get a 1.5-2hr nap from her once a day at lunchtime.

it has also involved seemingly more crying than ever before, a complete deterioration of her previously excellent nightsleep, no routine to speak of and me becoming more and more upset that i just cant seem to predict and respond to her needs.

i feel like things are getting harder not easier and that this is just not what i feel mothering should be or what it was for my other children

i love her so much and seem to make it my lifes work to keep her from crying, but the harder i try the worse everything seems to end up!

my husband was very stressed about this morning and said he thinks there is something actually wrong with her - but i dont think there is think she is just very overtired because i still havent managed to sort out a routine that she can be content in.

[chars mum]

Excellent to hear you and your LO are starting to work out the daytime sleep.  That is a BIG step forward!!     What did you do to accomplish this?  Perhaps the little changes you have been making are just getting her a bit upset as she may be confused, not used to the new changes?  She just may need some time to adjust and settle.  What do you think?   
Can you post what your last 4 days have looked like routine wise? 
May also be developmental, my LO was very unsettle at that stage too.  Has she been doing anything new or different physically?  Any signs of teething?  Upset tummy?  Fever?  Change in intake (or output for that matter)?  I know you probably know your LO best but perhaps if your DH thinks there may be something wrong with her then maybe a trip to see the doc is a good idea.  If he/she finds nothing then at least you both have peace of mind.  But totally up to you 
It is so hard when you love your LO so much, want only the best for them, try so hard yet they still cry. 
BIG BIG HUGS!!! 

[MathildasMum]

To accomplish the nap I have been concentrating on the midday nap and giving up all AP - taking her to her dark room, swaddled with dummy and sit and sing with her until she is relaxed andn then stand up and rock until she is very drowsy, put her down in cot with white noise on. she will then sleep for her usual 30 mins and i go in at 28ish and wait for her very first movement - i then apply pressure to her arms and legs and she will go back off after a few minutes. once she is back off and over that hump she then sleeps nicely for about an hour after that.

MASSIVE success for us but doesnt seemed to have helped the general situation any, in fact it all feels worse!

the last few days have been

awake and eat about 7ish
asleep on school run by 8.30, sleeps fitfully
feed around 10.30/11
gets very overtired around 11ish because of previously short nap
begin windown and invariable lots of screaming and crying.. once i can calm her i do my naproutine as above
feed sometime around 2-3
another school run where she naps again fitfully
back home where she is overtired again
get her to have a catnap about 5ish
wakes up and is happy a few minutes before getting upset
do bedtime routine with her mainly upset
settles well normally at about 7
she has been waking recently 10-11 for a feed
previously she slept 7pm-5am and i found a DF just disturbed her more

the last 3 nights she has woken several times in the night, last night she was awake at midnight and wouldnt go back to sleep - this is a first, since birth once she settled for the night she has just fed and gone back off

if she feeds in the night the next days feeds are poor

and on it continues!

[musicgal03]

Sounds to me like she might be going through a growth spurt and therefore waking in the night. Since she never did before. This should pass in a few days. Also as you work on the days there are a lot of changes going on that might mess with her. I am sure this nighttime waking is just temporary. If a baby has slept well at night you know she will again.

Sounds like you have a great plan going for the day now though! That is a huge improvement from before. Have you talked with your doctor about possible heartburn or something like that?

Annie

[Andrea T]

Hi Mathildas mum!

Just wanted to also give you some encouragement, and tell you to keep going, I know it sounds cliche, but things do get better.  My DS is now 5.5 months old, but we got him on EASY at 4 months and he was doing well until about 4.5 months when things starting going crazy.  He would nap for 30-45 minutes at a time, and woke up every half hour or every hour at night, so I know how you feel.  I get together with a mom's group that all have babies that are in the 4-5 month range, and most of them look like they want to pull their hair out and scream!  We call it the 4 month sleep regression, don't know if there is actually such a thing, but it seems to be a trend anyway.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're definately not alone.  I also was not a big fan of PU/PD as I found it exhausting (my DS is over 20 pounds already and very heavy for me!) but I got some great advice from another mom on the BW website: try extending activity times by 15 minutes for 3-5 days and see if that helps you to extend the length of the naps.  So for example if your lo wakes at 7:00am and usually goes down for a nap at 8:45am, try waiting another 10-15 minutes before putting her down to sleep, say 9:00-ish, and see if that helps.  I know my little guy was a bit tired and fussy while we tried to extend his "A" time, so I would just walk around the house with him for the 10-15 minutes to calm him, and then put him to sleep, and it worked wonders for me.

Hope this helps, I'm definately not an expert at this, but thought I'd share our experience in hopes that it'll help you.  (Another thing that helped us greatly was just to take a few days and let our lo sleep wherever and whenever he wanted, just to fill his "sleep banks" so that we were all a bit more rested before we started trying to get back on track again.)

Anyway, this is a long post, so I'll go now, but really hope this helps you!

[BensMamma]

Hi Mathilda's Mum,
When Ben was the same age as yours, it took us a few couple of weeks to extend LO's A time without overstimulating him, and then the naps were very fitful.  I know it's hard to keep them awake while in the car.  Unfortunately, you have no choice but to make your school runs.  The NW does sound like a growth spurt to me too.  If you can get more calories in her during the day, perhaps she'll last longer at night.  Mine still wakes up once in the middle of the night at 5.5 mo's, when previously used to sleep longer, but he's EBF so I just live with it until we start more solids.  I also think their brains are more active at this age.  They discover how much they can do with their hands, feet, bodies, voices, etc. that they just can't stop.  Keep doing what you're doing for the nap extensions, and try to take some deep calming breaths.  Hang in there, you're a good and loving mom.

[MathildasMum]

Ill aswer properly soon but just wanted thoughts on this

our experience of the DF is that it makes her wake more but what do i do now she is waking up at around 10-11 i was considering trying an early DF - about 9-9.30?

[texasmom]

Rebecca,
Just wanted to say that I'm still here, thinking about you.  Miserable, right there with you.  Went to the doc today (special interest is sleep), and he said CIO.     I just don't understand why the sleeping is so bad for some of our babies. 
xx Brooke

[MathildasMum]

Hi Brooke

CIO is just so hideously awful, I think it would finish me off. I think I could almost consider it if she wasnt so touchy - she gets upset enough with every day things never mind being left to cry.

I have had some success with extending naps Brooke - have you tried it? Absolutely nothing worked for me, but this did. Putting her down (getting her down is the hard part) in the cot and I hover over her for the full nap and the SECOND she starts to move I was leaning right into the cot, lying my head on her chest and holding her arms and legs still - to my absolute amazement it worked and it seems once i get her over the 30-45 minute hump she actually goes on to sleep quite well.

This was killing my back so I have adapted it a bit by putting a cushion on her chest (keep the room cool and adjust clothing to compensate for extra heat) this gives her the feeling of weight on her and when she makes her first stirs I push down on the cushion and this evenly distributes some weight over her arms and legs and works really really well.

Now, all I need to do is work on getting her to actually go down in the first place and have more than one nap a day!

It is so, so, so bad - your LO is touchy too isnt she? I wish she woud just have a slightly more laid back temprament we would both be so much happier.