too many issues to deal with.. where to start?

[Renee's mommy]

Lisa ... thank you for the tip... yes I have tried swaddling... and very hard by the way, but it seems to upset her, since she is not really used to.
What I observed yesterday, a very bad night. Is that she is waking up scratching her chest, she had a few spots of eczema before... maybe that is affecting... I really don't know...
One more thing is that I am about hit DH (he is not dear anymore). Yes I figure he should help more during the nights. And his only reply is well I don't hear her. And believe me there are times, where she is crying out loud and he is sleeping. All in the same bedroom. And I try to be this nice wife that knows that DH works very hard and he supports the family... but I am on the verge of collapsing... he says I am beyond quiet w/him, but I really don't have words. I don't want to do a big deal about this.
I planned not to give up BF until Renee was a year old, but I am starting to really consider formula, since I am sure her food intake would be more controlled, and she would not be used to me anymore, but then again it is not the reason to quit BF... is it?
You really did help, simply being able to consider all aspects helps to see really what is going on, since you have to put things in order and in perspective in order to post here...

[Andrea T]

Hi Erika!

I love your plan of trying to get your lo to eat the 5oz in the day.  It's amazing sometimes to find out how little the lo's are actually getting during the day, isn't it?  I'm hoping that if you're able to get more food into her during the day, hopefully your NW's decrease.  Good luck!!

As far as the A times go, I think you're definately right about extending the first one then, if the first nap is always hard to get a long one as you said.  It helped us so much to extend the A times, but I have to say that it was crazy around our house for about a week or two until things got sorted out, so be careful, lol.

I think it would be a great idea to give your lo a lovey that she can snuggle with at night.  Our lo doesn't seem to care which lovey we give him, as long as he has something to cuddle with.  It's cute to see him hug it at night:)  Although, I know some health professionals say that you should have nothing in the crib at all with lo's, so it's up to you.

Well, I'm hoping that great things will happen once you start upping your lo's food during the day.  Let me know how you make out, and take care!

Andrea~

[mumofalice]

Hey there renee's mommy

haven't posted in a while - don't know where the time goes these days . . . but I can see you're getting lots of good advice which is why I love this site so much.

Seems to me that things are improving slowly but surely - hope it seems that way to you - and have to say you're a fantastic mum for trying so hard.

Just thought I'd add a couple of thoughts / comments to the pot - these are only from my experience - and as I have only one LO who is 8.5 months old I have to say that my experience is very limited. We swaddled our DD up until around the 6 month mark - am pretty sure your LO is older than that now - but it did work for us. We started with a complete swaddle, then we did one arm when she was trying to find her thumb and we ended up just swaddling her bottom half. We only stopped when she started to move around and kick off the swaddle - and then we decided it was time for her to 'graduate' to the gro-bag.

DD has always had a 'lovey' in with her too - a little fleecy duck comforter. When she goes to sleep she puts her thumb in and pulls the comforter over her head - like she's trying to block out the world LOL!

Can't advise on moving your LO into her room - as we did it at 12 wks and our DD has never looked back (had been putting in her cot in her room for naps for quite some time so that it wouldn't be a shock to her) - in fact, our LO has turned into a cot addict and it's very difficult for her to sleep anywhere else - bless her touchy side!

One other thing I thought I'd mention - my DD is still having a catnap as well as 2 naps most days. I've been trying to get on a solid 4 hr EASY for a long time - so I've been constantly aiming for 2 x 1.5-2hr naps plus a catnap . . . and then I re-read the other day that LOs tend to drop the catnap around 7-9 months (I think). So once again I was revisiting my ongoing post with Melissa / Grace's Mom who advised me that if she needs it then it was okay to carry on - my DD can still only manage 2hrs A time (sometimes 2 hrs 15 mins) so she needs the catnap before we start our bedtime routine - otherwise she wouldn't make it til bedtime.

Not sure I've been any help, but just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about you.

Berni

PS I know what you mean about DH - I don't think my DH has ever woken from sleep when our DD has been crying. Someone told me it's because as a Mum you're programmed to hear your babies cry - and generally you do hear it almost instantly. Men, however are programmed to think 'Mum will take care of it' and therefore don't even stir. Lucky men, eh?!!

[Renee's mommy]

Hello all
Thanks for the wonderful help...

I just put Renee for the second nap of the day, she just did 3 hours of A time, but the first nap was really really short and I guess as she was OT, it took me an hour to settle her. I'll be checking the 45 minutes mark... so no nap for me. By the way, I put her with a lovey, a small (15 cms) Pooh she kinds of show certain preference, I'll let you know Bernie and Andrea, if it does the trick

Also Bernie and Lisa, I'll give swaddling another try... leaving an arm out or something like that.

Yesterday we stayed in her room, and I mean WE BOTH, since she was so upset because I wouldn't BF until the right time came. We went to her room so we wouldn't wake up DH. I fell sleep in the nursing chair, by 3:30 am. I feel like crap today.

You know, besides thinking lucky DH! I am starting to fell resentfull. Yesterday as I was looking at him, while DD was crying, and I was on the verge of crying as well. I was very very upset. But then again in the morning I think well, what is the point of waking him up, if he can't BF, and it has been seen beyond proof that he cannot settle her. I have said to him, he is like the one that brakes the dishes when he washes them, he brakes them so nobody ask him to do it again.

Then he called a couple of minutes ago and says... "This is easy to solve, send her to her room and let her CIO" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Don't he want me to put the bottles with milk in the crib and let her look for them, as if she wants to survive, she'll have to find them right? (sarcasm there). Sorry but that is why a want to chew his head off.

And yes I have to admit certain things have improved, and forgive me my negativism but you know when you have three steps forward and one backwards, yesterday night was my backwards step and it was completely awful.

Thanks for the support ladies, I swear I apply every idea you put in here... it can't really be worse... (well it can but I know it won't)

Hugs for all of you.

[~Lisa~]

Maybe we should have a forum to complain about those DH!!!  I think that would relieve alot of our problems right there!!!LOL

Erika, I know you have your reservations about going to formula, but you have to remember that YOU are important too!!!  You sound like you are having such a rough time, and I feel for you.  I BF my 10 week old for 3 weeks (and was AWFUL for me as he was not a good latcher and bobbed on and off...?problems with reflux), and I cried for days when I had to give it up; but looking back on it, it was the right decision for me...I was able to see how much he was getting, and I wasn't spending 40 minutes on the couch every 2 hours while my 3 year old destroyed the house.  Yes, I am a true believer in nursing, however your mental, physical and emotional health is so much worth it.  Your baby has gotten a great start, and heck you outbeat me by a mile!!! HAHA.  I felt like I had more control after stopping; and your DD is running your WHOLE life right now.  I at least run PART of my life!  

I am new to this website, and I know I should be on the down low until I get a little more comfortable, but you really need to knock your DH (however dear he is) over the head in the middle of the night and see if he hears your DD then.  He needs to see your part. My husband didn't see it either until I ended up with postpartum dep. then he kicked it up a couple notches.  That was awful and that is all you need to add to your plate is another problem!!  

Be good to yourself, you deserve it!!

   Lisa

[Renee's mommy]

Lisa... your don't have to keep it in the low end at all. If something, I really like people telling things like they are straight forward...

I have been tempted in to kicking him when DD starts fussing, no matter if I am awake, at least I wont have to stand up.

I am really considering BB. Since I really feel sooooo tired... maybe that is the solution.
Eventhough I sure will finish all my alternatives before going there, but maybe I could try it for a couple of days, and pump my milk out, just for the sake of wanting to go back huh?
I don't know... I give it a thought I promise...

In the mean time, I'll implement a little of swaddling, more food intake during the day, lovey, her room and last and most important, talking to H (telling you he is not dear anymore). I'll kick him if that is what it takes for him to listen to her.

And yes a Hubby complaint board would rock...

Thanks and hugs...

[Andrea T]

Lol Erika! 

Just wanted to give you some encouragement on your new plan to do the swaddling/feeding more in the day, etc.  For our little guy, it took a little while to get him back in the habit of being swaddled after we had stopped for so long.  I think it took a few days of my really really really putting him in it tight before he started to like it again (well....he never really started liking it again, but it started working, let's say!)  We used a swaddle blanket that had velcro on it, so that I could put him in it really tight, and that worked some times, other times, I put him in this blanket (I'll leave the link here so you can check out the website):

http://www.lunalullaby.com/lunalullaby/soothing_blanket_info.aspx

And then sometimes we'd swaddle him as mentioned in this post:

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=1439.0

Anyway, HTH!  We used a variety of stategies as you can see, lol.

How is the pumping going?  Have you given any more thought to FF?

Well, hope things are looking up for you, take care~

Andrea