Working moms/mums - come share tips and get support too! #2

[lidiayy]

Does anybody want to join me to reactivate this thread?
I am going back to work on the next 23rd and would appreciate to talk about it to someone who has BTDT.
This thread was a good support for me when I went back to work first time, after DD1 turned 4 months old.
I am finding this time harder than the first one. Has anyone felt the same? Is it harder to leave the second LO at daycare (or wherever you left yours).

Thanks

[Khalam's Mama]

Hi I'm going back to work may 15th. I am leaving ds 1 and 2. I don't know. If it is harder this time or not. Dh and my mum will look after them. I am only doing 3days this time. I am not looking forward to it. I am still bf and getting many nw. Ds1 was sleeping through by the time I went back so would Luke to work on those.
How old is your Lo? What sort of work do you do?

[lidiayy]

Hey KM!
You're lucky to be going only 3 days/week. I am going to work full time. I am still BF'ing too and I plan to go on until DD2 turns 1 1/2 yo, just as I did with DD1. I hope she listen to me and don't wean before that. 
We still have 1 NW, usually to feed. At the same age, DD1 was already STTN. Actually, at that moment, my maternity leave was only 5 months. This time, I could get almost 7 months. I don't know if DD2 will suffer from SA 
DD2 is almost 6 mo now.
I work for an ice cream factory. The new flavors/products that the researchers develop on a laboratory scale, I bring to the factory and run trials and follow the first production run to check if they meet the standards. I love what I do, but I would also love to find a part time job. I don't think I would be 100% happy to be a SAHM right now, I need my work to have other subjects in my mind rather than just naps, bf'ing, night wakings and so on...

[Khalam's Mama]

I know what you mean about needing something. Last time I went back FT and hated it. I was already pg with  ds2 so it was better financially for mat leave. This time I am hoping 3d will be the happy medium. At least with B being 1 I can bf am and bt without having to Express or ff. He barely eats now but I am hoping he will eat more when he hits 1 and when there is no daytime milk. Last time I did not have to pump at work either tg. Will you?

[lidiayy]

What is "tg"?
I used to pump at work once/day. Before she turned 6 mo, I pumped at around 10 am because I was feeding her at 1pm ish. When we started on solids (around 6 mo), I could no longer leave work to go feed her at 1 pm, so I would pump instead. I 'weaned' from my pump when she was 8 mo. I am planning on pumping this time until DD2 turns 8 months or so... I don't know if I'll be strong enough to keep pumping at work. 
When DD1 was little, I had to pump in a meeting room, I used to lock the door and pray that no one would come until I had finished. I was quick at pumping, but even so I didn't like the rush. Besides, I have a lot of friends (men) who 'knew' what I was going to do, so you know when you have the feeling that they're backbiting or making fun of you?
On top of this I am dreading giving DD2 a bottle because I am so afraid of nipple confusion. I gave her a bottle of my milk last wednesday and she downed it in few minutes!    I was shocked because with DD1, we struggled a lot, it was one week before starting on daycare and she just refused! DD1 was younger than DD2 when she first got her bottle and I don't know if that has any influence. Having said that, I am only offering another bottle when we are closer to her start at daycare. 
I was thinking on starting a new topic to 'invite' other moms to join us, what do you think?

[Khalam's Mama]

Great. Tg is thank goodness, sorry. B has always had a bottle no problem switching. Ds1 refused after 4mo when I didn't give one for over 4w. Oops.

[jennandsophie]

HI,
I went back to work FT when my DD was 6 months old.  She then stayed home with DH until she was 16 months and went to a Montessori school where she still attends now (she's 4).  This time with DS I will go back FT in September when he's 9 months (he's almost 4 months now).

With DD, I continued to BF when I went back to work.  I pumped at night and in the morning to get the two additional bottles required for her during the day.  I did not pump at work at all since I was so busy I knew I wouldn't have the time and get too engorged.  I started weaning the two day feeds about 2 weeks before I went back so DD could get used to the bottle and not BFing during those times.  My body adjusted quite easily and I never had problems with leakiness during the day.  I continued to BF her for her early morning and bedtime feeds only until she was 1.  DF was done by bottle until she was about 7 months.  She was a great sleeper and slept about 11-12hrs at night by the time I went back without waking for NFs.

This time around I will likely wean entirely before I go back to work not because the pumping was a hassle (although sometimes it was and I'd be late for work in the morning trying to get enough out), but because of DS' intolerances, I'm off dairy and wheat and I'm having a hard time keeping healthy through the BFing.  I will likely start the weaning around the 6 or 7 month mark when he starts solids and move him to Alimentum formula.

What I found really hard about being a working mum was:
1) Feeling guilty that I chose to go back to work rather than be a SAHM when people would make comments about how they quit their jobs because the life of their LO was so much more important than any job.  My colleague wisely told me that she was a much better mum when she was fulfilled and happy.  I feel the same way.  I wish I was cut out to be a SAHM but I honestly love working and would be very unhappy to lose that.  I deeply admire and respect any woman who choses to be a SAHM like my own brilliant mother was for 13 years for the sake of my sister and I.

2)  I was exhausted all the time.  On top of the stress of having young children who may still possibly be waking at night for various reasons, you have to be alert enough to function at a high mental level for work next day instead of having a nap while your child naps (which I did for a few months before I went back to work).  I was very tired during my usual nap time for a long while until I readjusted to having to stay awake all day.

3)  The daycare drop-off.  I do not look forward to that.  On top of the SA for both mum and baby, DS will be much younger than DD when she started.  He'll be the youngest one there, pretty much.  I feel sad thinking about it but I know they will help stimulate his social and emotional growth.  It's still heart-wrenching to leave them though.

All that being said, while I love my DS, I am really counting down the months until I can go back to work.  I just miss the mental stimulation and creativity of my job and having to think about something other than buying diapers, extending naps and dream feeds.

[~Sara~]

Hi ladies!  Just joining in   I am not sure how much longer I will be working as originally, I was supposed to quit at the end of this month...but it's hard giving up the insurance and the pay and the bonuses...we're trying to see if we can find somewhere for the kiddos to go 2-3 days/week so that DH can focus on work.  Right now he and my MIL split up watching the kids, but she's moving to Australia in a few weeks so we have to work something out.

What I am hating right now is how utterly exhausted I feel all day long, even though DH gets up with DD during the week.  I just have to wake HIM up because he sleeps through her fussing

And I hate that no matter how much I pump, DD can't be exclusively bf.  I get about 9-15oz a day, but have hardly anything at her BT.  I'm not really sure what to do to increase my supply as I can't step away from my desk anymore than I already do, iykwim.

[lidiayy]

Hey Jennifer and Sara! Welcome.
I am happy that you've joined us because keeps my sanity to think that I am not alone.

Jennifer - thanks for sharing your experience re pumping. I keep thinking about it all the time, whether or not to pump at work. Actually, I am planning to do so while she's still on 4 daytime feeds (7, 11, 3, 6). I think that when we are full established on solids and she switches the 11 am feed for solids, I can stop pumping at work.
I also feel guilty for going back to work and leaving them at daycare. It's a mixed up feelings thing. Part of me says that I need to work because it's my ME time. It's when I think about myself and what I can do except from feeding, sleep training, changing diapers or dealing with tantruns. It's the big people world which I would like to be sometimes! On the other hand, like you, my mom was SAHM and would take us to ballet classes, swimming classes, languages, lots of activities and playing time that I miss doing with my LOs. *sigh*

Sara - If I want help from my DH, I need to wake him up too... LOL. I think that's why women give birth and is in charge of feeding LOs...
And I was surprised to see that you pump that much! 9 -15 Oz is a dream to me... If I could pump this much, I wouldn't have stockpiled my milk! I hear you about having anything at BT. When I wake up, I have big mommy boobs, as the day goes through I end up with a young teenager boobs. 

[Khalam's Mama]

So glad I don't need to pump as I hardly get anything these days. 6w until I go back. Ds has major sa so I am really hoping this has calmed down by the time I return.
How are you organising your routine to fit in with your new Wu? I need to be up 6.30 but ideally I want 30mins to get ready before Lo gets up. Hope I don't wake them.

[~Sara~]

And I was surprised to see that you pump that much! 9 -15 Oz is a dream to me...

LOL, and see, I just see that amount and get frustrated that it isn't a few ounces more.  Ideally, I'd like to get 15oz between 3 pump sessions at work every day.  Most days I end up with 10-12: the first AM pumping yields about 7-9oz; the others I'm lucky to get 3...which I KNOW is not enough for DD as she's eating 4.5-5oz at each meal while I'm away from her, and sometimes DH has to supplement with a few ounces of formula.  I do have a small freezer stash (like a couple day's worth of feeds), but I don't want to dip into that too often, just in case.

I hear you about having anything at BT. When I wake up, I have big mommy boobs, as the day goes through I end up with a young teenager boobs.

LOL!  I just get old lady ones by the end of the day

How are you organising your routine to fit in with your new Wu? I need to be up 6.30 but ideally I want 30mins to get ready before Lo gets up. Hope I don't wake them.

Mine hasn't changed at all from what it was before my maternity leave.  I wake up at 6ish, am gone between 6:45-7.  DH gets up with the kids in the AMs, except for Wednesday when he out of the house by 6am.  Not normally a problem, but today DD decided she wanted to eat at 6:20

[jennandsophie]

I thought it was only by DH who could sleep through absolutely hysterical wailing.  LOL.  It happened the other night.  He was giving me a break by dealing with DS's NWings during his 3-4 months sleep regression.  He was sleeping in DS's room and I was in our bedroom.  I woke up when I heard DS wailing away.  I go in and find DH fast asleep and DS unswaddled and hysterical flailing around.  Men obviously got the night deafness gene that women don't seem to be born with.

Lidia - I'm determined not to feel guilty this time around.  I was Jennifer long before I was Jonas and Sophie's mother.  It's important that I be happy so I have the energy and ability to make them happy.  Don't let other people make you feel bad either.  We all have to do what is right for us.  It's not right for anyone to judge our decisions.

[jojojo]

Hi there. I'm a working mom of two who made it work twice over! With ds 1 I went back to work at 6 mnths. I had a frozen stash but I was obsessed with pumping at work as I was worried about supply. It made life very stressful as I work in an operating room and often get only very short breaks or none at all. Anyway I finally talked to a colleague about my stress with pumping and she told me she never pumped at work and she was still able to feed on days off and weekends. So I gave it a try and sure enough no problems. I didn't give my breasts enough credit. So now on round two I've been back tonwork for 5 weeks with ds2. I feed him before I leave for work and then pump a bit too. I bring my pump with me but only pump if I really really have time or I'm working really late. So most days I don't pump at work.  When I get home I feed him if the timings right or I pump.  And on weekends or days off I have no problem feeding him during the day.  So bottom line I'm way way lesser stressed this time and my supply is fine. Hope this helps.

[Khalam's Mama]

I also found with ds1 I could not feed or pump and still feed on my days off.esp as they get older it is produced more on demand than routinely.

[lidiayy]

So we've started at daycare two days ago. DD2 is doing fine, except from the naps, which have been ridiculous. She took 2x 30 mins naps on monday and tuesday. Today she had 3 naps (30, 30 and 45 min). Oh, how I hate short naps... She's miserable at the end of the day, almost begging to be put down. She can barely nurse properly as she's so tired! Tomorrow I'll try to ask the caregivers if they can resettle her(they don't know anything about EASY and I felt it was pointless to start explaining as they won't follow it anyway  ).
I've been pumping once a day, at midday - 1:00 pm, same time as I am planning to pump when I go back to work on next monday.
I am not looking forward to go back. Seriously. If only she would nap properly, I would be happier. I feel sad.