Am I fostering a bad addiction here or is it ok to keep this going?

[Purplecattypants]

Jess, all I can say is 

 

[jess, lukeys_mom]

Ladies I need to revisit this subject with you please!  Admittedly I am now moving beyond the realm of toddler sleep with the continuation of this post so mods feel free to move if it is better somewhere else...

So we have been using the paci at home for more than a month now, and is going fine with sleeping. Luke is very spirited though, and has just entered into a tantrum phase, doing lots of screaming to say he wants something, and when he doesn't get it (or if we do something like change his diaper or put his shirt on!). These can create major meltdowns.

Now he really wants his pacifier all the time. He knows where we keep it (despite me changing the place), and goes over there pointing and pleading, which then turns into screaming for it.  I have decided that it is only for sleeping, and have not been giving in.  I try to explain to him that no, that is for later when we go to sleep. On the occasions where he has managed to get it beyond sleep time, he takes it and walks around with it, and 80% of the time his meltdown is over.

DH has a different opinion and has challenged me on only letting him use the paci to sleep. He feels like if Luke is asking for it, or if it makes him feel better, then why not. I guess I couldn't exactly come up with a reason, except I have this strong idea in my head that it's AP, and that at his age he shouldn't be walking around with a pacifier hanging out of his mouth.    Does this make sense, and are there AP risks involved if I just let him have it when he asks for it?? Or do I need to just lighten up?

[skatty]

Leorah does the same but I am quite insistant on the dummy only being for sleeping. When she is ill or teething hard I sometimes let her take one while we read a book or something and as soon as she drops it out of her mouth distracted it goes away again.My view on one hand is that it is great she can calm herself down by getting her dummy and lovey but it is another thing altogether to have it all the time which stops her from attempting to talk, KWIM?

[shivi]

Oscar still has doo doo...was weaned once but the the BBB transition caused us to re-introduce it and it stays under his pillow in his bed....around a year he started wanted to have it after wake ups but we turned throwing it and his bunny into his cot into a game and now it's just part of his wake up routine.....he can't leave bedroom until bunny is tucked into bed and doo doo is under the pillow.

[jess, lukeys_mom]

katt i have been doing the same thing, putting it away right after he lets go of it. but at the moment he seems to notice after 5 min and wants it back.

shiv that is exactly what i have been trying to do. take his lovey with him and say 'let's put him back to bed' and then have him put the paci in there too. he is always ready and willing to put both in. but then when he notices we are leaving the room he wants to go back for them. if we keep leaving the room he looks at me like i've tricked him, and has a huge screaming FIT. and i start question whether i am being cruel, and can't find reasoning for keeping it away from him anymore... does that make sense?

[shivi]

Jess, does Luke have dummy in his mouth most of night? do you take it out or does he spit it out when he falls asleep???

[Tatumsmom]

Hi Jess,
Just wanted to add my support.......Tatum is 2.5 and still has her sucky,she loves that thing and i love it to. She only gets it to sleep. When she was sick I let her have it longer but then I was fighting with her to leave it alone. We ended up telling her the only place she was aloud to use it was on her bed. Somedays she would disappear and we would find her in her bed happily sucking away.
I work in the dental field and asked all the dentist I work with if soothers are bad. They all said the samething,  NO!! but they did recommend getting rid of it by the end of the 4th year.

Kim

[elsasmom]

I don't really think its APing to give them the dummy during the day.  But, I agree with all of the reasons for wanting to keep it only for sleep. 

I can't remember how we got our DS to use it only for sleep.  Up until 1yr I let him have it throughout the day, but then I switched him to just sleep...and weaned completely when he was just over 2yrs.  (I think the main reason for me not wanting him to have it during the day is that I find it a bit odd to see an older toddler with one.  I believe its soothing to sleep with, but when they get to the toddler stage they should be able to self-soothe in other ways.  But, that is totally my view and I don't judge others for keeping longer.)

I'd agree with you to stand your ground on this one.  But, I don't really have any suggestions on how to reason with Luke to get past the tantrum stage.  Good luck....

[Colin Macs Mom]

Jess, the thing about your husband's perspective is that the older Luke gets and the more attached/more often he has it, the harder it will be to get rid of it when you decide to do that. Are you ok with that? Can you handle that? Is DH volunteering to do the work?

[Vicku]

Hi Jess!

Lois does the same too. She only had it for sleep since about 1 yo, apart from when teething bad or ill, then we let her have it a lot more (and after that each time suffer the consequences). She also does the thing where she puts them (she has about 4/5 in the cot usually ) back in her cot after her sleep, and she was very good at only having them at sleep time for a long time.
However when we went to UK for 2 weeks she was teething really bad, got a cold and conjunctivitis and of course all the new places and people made her a little insecure and as she had it on the plane there, she kept asking for it and having tantrums... by the end of the 2 weeks she had it constantly in her mouth :-/ I decided to go back to the 'old' rules as soon as we came back home, and since then she's started doing what you describe, and having major meltdowns and tantrums over it if she can't have it when she wants it.
 
It does seem to get a bit better if I stay very strict for a few days, but I do also feel horrible sometimes and unsure if it's the right thing to do, or if I should just let her have it ...so I know what you mean. Think a lot of it is them wanting things when THEY want and wanting to decide things for themselves (like toddlers do) and with that in view it's not really about the paci itself, more about them asserting themselves. That said, her dummy is her most favourite treasured item, and I'm sure she'll never stop asking for it at times in the day, so I figured I'll just have to either be prepared to take these fights when they come, with a view to win, or decide she can have it whenever as inconsistency makes her way worse! Easier said than done though I've realised, but I'm trying to stick to my guns and allow it only for bed.

One of the main reasons I want her to only have it at sleep time is that it always 'worked' much better then than if she had it through the day. It makes going to bed a pleasurable thing for her, and a bit special. Kind of like appreciating something cos you can't have it all the time. So you don't take it for granted...

Btw my cousin's a dentist and she also said it's not bad for teeth til after about 4, unless they have it constantly.

[jess, lukeys_mom]

Thank you for the feedback ladies.
Shiv to answer your question he has it on a little safety clip at night, otherwise it falls out of the crib at night. So it must go in and out during the course of a night.

Vick that's the same way that I feel and exactly what is going on here. I'm glad little Lois is over her illnesses!  You are exactly right about inconsistency, and I think that is actually the biggest danger we are facing.  And as Jess mentioned (LOL!) dh is probably not prepared to do the work, so we will just have to keep it for sleeping. (PS Rachel Ikwym with seeing older kids qith pacifiers...it just doesn't look right to me! Kim thx for the dental support, I definitely hope to be done with it by end of 4th year!!!!)

I tried hard to do it this weekend with moderate success. I guess it was 100% success in that I didn't give in, and most of the time it was ok.  I've been getting him to put it in his bed after he gets up. Then he wants it back right away and is upset when he can't have it. And now he is wising up and won't put it in his bed. But usually I can get it.

One hard thing is though, I think that just about EVERY toddler in this whole country uses a paci during the day!!! So what do you do when a playmate is using one? A friend babysit Saturday night and another friend and her 2 yo came over to have dinner with her and Luke. The 2yo friend had a paci in his mouth the whole time and our friend/babysitter said that Luke was trying to grab it from his mouth and getting really frustrated and screaming till finally she gave him his....


Totally separate note here but I haven't been around much lately and love your new avatars. SO CUTE xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Vicku]

Hi Jess! Really nice to see you here again!

We have that problem here too, as it's much more common for toddlers to have dummies here than it was in UK. It's not an easy call... luckily e don't have many friends who use a dummy during the day so don't have to face it very often. When it has happened, I have tried to tell her she can have hers for sleeping later, but I must admit I have sometimes let her have it as I felt sorry for her as it was so unfair in her eyes that the other kid got to have his.
don't know what's the right thing to do in that situation...
Does he only have it for sleep at daycare? Does any other kids have them other than for sleep in daycare?

[jess, lukeys_mom]

he only uses it for sleep at day care - they discourage letting any kids older than 10 months (the cut-off between the infant and the baby group) use them for the same reason! x

[Vicku]

That's good as at least he's not used to using it during the day from there.
Well, not sure what else to say as I'm also unsure. Trying to stick with my intention of her only having it at night though and if there's an odd occasion where she has it apart from in bed I try not to brat myself up about it, as long as it doesn't become a habit as i know then I'm in for more fights.
Hope you're both well btw! You must be busy with your new job. Hope you're still enjoying it!

[jess, lukeys_mom]

thanks vicku, we will just be in this unsure but trying to use it just for sleeping boat together i guess

new job is GREAT. i'm not even as busy as i felt in the beginning as our routine is feeling normal now and dh is not working (for the summer - he got a new job as a teacher!) so that helps. but i'm on the computer most of the day and rarely feel like gettingon again in the evenings. i might have to do a biz trip to sweden for 4 days in october tho!! i will def keep you posted!!
i hope you have been feeling good. hugs xx