Feel like a meany then end up giving in

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Lately I've been fed up with Charlie not eating her food at meal times and then wanting snacks.  GRRRRR!

To combat this I have been telling her that when we eat breakfast, she must eat.  Not later.  When we eat lunch, she must eat.  Not later. blah blah blah

What I WAS doing was leaving her plate on the table for up to two hours to give her the opportunity to eat it.  For example at supper time she won't eat.  I say that's fine if you don't want to eat but you are not getting a bedtime snack.  Just milk.  She says okay.  At bedtime she can be found most nights at the table eating her dinner and then getting bedtime snack.

I want to avoid this so I hav been saying you eat it when we eat.  Then after 20 mins its going in the garbage and no snacks till morning or next meal.  If she doesn't eat her meal she gets no snack and has to wait until the next meal.  FWIW I used to run to the fridge constantly during meals pulling our anything I think she'd eat.  I get so upset when I think she's not gotten her daily intake of stuff for the day.  Now that she eats the entire plate ... later I know she will eat what I cook the first time. GRRR!

So is it terrible for me to tell her she eats when we eat and if not she doesn't eat ANYTHING until the next meal?  I usually give in and give her a healthy (protien laced) snack.  !!!!!

TIA

[Mydreamcametrue]

I am sure you will have a ton of opinions about this, but several book I have read about eating and when we went to the feeding clinic say that kids do not have to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner per say.  Their bodies are not set on a B, L , D schedule like adults.

I think you are doing right by saying if she does not want dinner now, fine, but when she is hungry later, that is what she is getting. 

I know it would be nice for her to eat when you eat, but if she is not hungry then, she want eat. 

I would tell her that if she does not want dinner right now with the family, then she still has to sit there (for how ever long you choose), then she may get down and play.

From the books I have read though, say that kids at this age, do not need to have dinner when the rest of the family does. 

What time do you eat dinner???  Maybe she could eat her dinner earlier and then have her dessert at dinner time.

Zach is the same exact age as Charlie (1 year apart) and we do dinner at 5:00.  Then DH eats when he gets home at 6:00.  Weekends is when we eat dinner as a family.

You may not want to take my advice though, we have major eating problems here.  I am willing to make Zach anything to eat, anytime as long as he would eat it.

This is just some info. I got from a few Eating books I have about toddlers. 

Do what you feel is right! 
Wendy

[CharlotteandCharlie]

Wendy thanks.  Makes me feel a release.  Like I don't have to be a hard ass.  I think I will offer b,l,d and instead of a snack later she can eat what the meal was.  I am not a huge routine person.  My day is always up in the air but b,l, and d are almost always at the same time due to dh.  He comes home for lunch and is home by 4.30 (we eat at 5.30), bedtime snack at 7.30.  She can have snacks after she eats her meal.  I get so frustrated with snacks and packaging.  I usually offer healthy snacks but sometimes those things packaged so cutsie sink us and our kids in and IMO distract them from their meals.  ie, those little raisen boxes.  I know they are healthy but they are NOT a meal replacement. 

Thanks Stacy ... she probably is doing what she did before and to be honest I don't think I did a thing but relax a bit.  Right now I can feel my tension so its all my issue I"m sure.  If I relax on when and make sure she eats what's offered on her time bebore snack I think we can all deal with that without me acting like a jerk.

[Layla]

The only "proper" meal in this house is breakfast

[Maffoos mummy]

Eating issues are definitely one of those (many!!) things that you've gotta find your own way on I think. Ds had a BIG snacky stage so I substituted what I gave him...but still gave it at the times he seemed to be hungry. So he ends up with a few small meals through the day. I/we do eat together which started because from quite an early age as we found he ate so much better if we all had the same at the same time. We have a dining table and a small table in the kitchen too. He can choose for us to eat at either of those (I ask him beforehand where shall we eat dinner Matthew? So he feels he has choice on some aspect) and if we're having something dry (rolls etc) we sometimes have picnic style sitting on the floor in the lounge on a tablecloth-he LOVES this!!! He's never been a big sandwich eater so most things tend to be cooked.

My parents were really strict on me finishing what was on my plate so I've always been really careful not to go down that route-however he has to have a good go at eating savoury if he expects to get any sweet afterwards. And trust me,this boy would live on cake and jam tarts if he could!! Breakfast we have several cereals on the table that we all choose from,and he can have toast and yoghurt too if he wants. Then I do lunch at around 11 (instead of snack basically) which I eat a small portion of too so it feels like a proper meal. This could be soup/potato cheese and peas/homemade pizza/beans on toast etc. Again I'll give him a couple of choices BEFORE I start cooking...but it is easier for me as I only have one child remember!!  After lunch would only be fruit or yoghurt-again his choice and as much of those as he wants,again provided he's had a good try at lunch.

Most days he still has a short middle of the day nap so after getting up from that he can choose a "treat"...cake,malt loaf,jam tart or often chooses rolls/cereal again (lol!!!). By that time I figure he's had a good start to the day so some naugty things won't kill him,but that is just imo. We have dinner around 5.30 when dh comes in but if he's getting grouchy earlier I'll make it for 5.00 for me and ds to eat,then dh'll become his new best friend and he'll pinch some of his too when he eats his!! I do choose dinner and again the same rule applies-he's gotta at least have a good try of it if he wants any pudding. He doesn't have to eat it...but if he won't eat anything he knows by now he won't get any sweet and he's got a big sweet tooth!!

Because my parents made such a big deal of finishing everything I make a point to say "well done Matthew you had a good try at that dinner" regardless of how much he eats. I think he's got a good appetite and he certainly runs off all his energy ( ) through the day and I've never been worried about him eating too much-he stops when he's full and is free to ask for extra if he wants it. I do find he often has alternate good-bad eating days,sometimes he fills his boots other days he seems to survive on thin air. But I've learned to roll with it and keep the "rules" the same. I'm sure my way of doing things wouldn't suit everybody bit it works for us and it pleases me to see him enjoy his food. The other day we were having picnic lunch of rolls and I brought in some mini sausages and said "you can have of these too if you want Matthew" and he said so grown up "oooh,thank you mummy"!!! I melted!!!!!  Sorry this was so long winded,feel free to ignore it all!!!!! 

Oh,also he generally "helps" me cook-either by pulling up a chair and watching,sometimes stirring things for me,putting them in the pan etc if it's not too hot,or playing with his toy pans and utensils and dry pasta for his own "cooking" at the kitchan table that I "taste" while cooking our dinner.

[Lissybits]

I've found that if DS snacks on anything else other than fruit in between meals - it takes the edge off his appetite and he won't eat his 'proper' meals.

We have set times for meals and snacks and I find he generally eats well at all mealtimes if snacks and meals are evenly spaced out.  I think LOs have to be hungry to eat well!

If on occasions he doesn't want to eat much that's ok. I never pressure him and no fuss is made. He sits at the table until we have all finished and his meal is thrown away (or given to the dog!!) and DS is fed at the next snack/mealtime - possibly a bit earlier if he asks.

I always take him out for a walk in the morning and he's always playing footie or some daft game with DH in the afternoon, so I think the level of activity also plays a big part in keeping their appetites healthy.

HTH
Lis
xx

[Maffoos mummy]

Foo has never been good at sitting at the table while we all finish eating. I wich he would but I know it's too much to expect of him at this age. He's spirited and even as a baby I could only have him in the highchair while he was actively eating...any waiting around and there'd be hell to pay!! I guess I'm just saying you have to learn what works for her,what "rules" you know you can push for,and what others things will have to come with time.xxx