Hugs, hun. Try not to freak out. Sounds like there are several things at work (no pun) in your nursing/pumping life right now.
A bit of history on me... I am bf'ing my 2nd (he just turned 1) after weaning my 1st at 14 mo. I've worked most of their lives (started back with each at ~4 months).
First thing I noticed was that you're trying to send 20 oz of ebm to daycare. That seems like a lot, especially for a 2-3 month old. Is your lo especially big? Keep in mind that it's easier for our babes to let it flow from a bottle than it is to nurse from us, so they may take more from a bottle than they would nurse, even though they may not be "hungry." I know all kids are different, but for reference, both of mine at that age were taking two ~4oz bottles per day, plus I was able to go feed them at lunch... so maybe 12-15 oz during the daycare part of their day. And they were/are chunky monkeys!
I do have to pump twice to make up one bottle. That is not unusual at all. You may want to take a look at this website, too.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.htmlAs for pumping itself, like Ellen said, it's HUGELY psychological. Please don't feel like a failure. You aren't. You're doing a great thing for your lo. Stress, distraction, pressure to pump enough, needing to pump quickly so I can move on to other things on my to do list
all impact my ability to pump, and all in an adverse way. Sigh. I'd definitely say the stress of trying to pump so much is influencing your ability to pump.
More hugs. I also agree that the expectation that 1 pump = 1 bottle is, for most women, not realistic. Like I said, it takes about 2 pumps = 1 bottle here. I've heard that from other women on these boards, too. What kind of pump are you using? If you're going to be doing this several times a day every day, I'd say get a double electric if you haven't already. It's worth the investment.
As for what you feel... Around this time (2-4 months or so), your boobs begin to settle down. They are learning how much your lo needs to eat, and don't make (so much) excess any more. They don't get hard like they might have in the beginning. You may not feel a letdown. That doesn't mean you're not getting one. Some women never feel one, even in the beginning. Watch your lo. Does lo swallow? Have enough wet diapers? Seem satisfied? Gain weight appropriately? If yes, then you're doing just fine, no matter what you do or don't feel. And *please* don't rely on pumping to tell you what your milk supply is. It doesn't correlate. Some women with oversupply can hardly pump anything, even though the supply is there. LOs are much more efficient than any pump you could have.
More hugs hun.
I know I've written a novel, but I couldn't read & not post. Working, pumping moms are close to my heart. You can do this. You're doing a great job. Keep asking questions & we'll keep trying to help.
