Get Back In Bed ....

[Melluap]

Well, exactly one week after bringing DS home from the hospital ... DD figured out how to jump out of her crib.  Up until this she was a GREAT sleeper for both her nap and bedtime.  We could just put her in bed ... and usually within 5-10 minutes she'd be out like a light.  Worried about her safety, we decided to transition her into a big girl bed.

It's been a month now and we are really struggling.  She now thinks it is GREAT fun to get out of bed whenever she pleases.  For the past 4 weeks we have spent hours (literally), walking (calmly and quietly) her back to her bed.  She thinks this is the funnest game ... she will come out of her room, when you  get up to walk her back in, she squeals, runs back in yelling "back in bed, back in bed".  I've had to pretty much give up on getting her to take a nap, I just can't do it and wrangle our month old baby at the same time.  Bed time is now taking about an hour, sometimes more, sometimes less.

We've tried everything, and are at our wits end ... and know she must be overtired (she's now getting anywhere from 10-11 hours of sleep a day).  Anyone have any suggestions, so far we've tried:

• locking her in her room
• laying with her
• standing in the doorway
• trying to get her to go to sleep in our bed first
• taking away her blankie
• sitting on her bed next to her
• sitting on the rocking chair in her room
• Using a firm voice, a soft and soothing voice, no talking to her at all
• only focusing on making her stay in her room
• baby gate

Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

[Melluap]

Thanks for the idea, but we did try that, I just forgot to put it down.  I was doing it at naptime for about 5 days, she just played in her room for 2 hours, until I had to give up because it was getting too late for her to fall asleep without it interfering with bedtime.  We had no luck with it at bedtime, she would just keep coming out of her room ... 'let the games begin' ...   

[Karin3]

lurking...  pretty much the same situation here... 

[Layla]

At the start we had a gate at the door. Its still there now but its no longer locked. She didn't like it locked so I left it open but our compromise is that if she comes out of the room then the gate gets locked.

Would you be comfortable with a gate?

[Melluap]

I would be comfortable trying a gate and tried the one we have ... but she can climb right over that too.  Grrr ... I blame the gymnastics classes she's been taking that past year   

Even though it wasn't working for naptime, tonight I finally got her to go to sleep by taking the blanket she would bring with her and locking her in her room when she would come out.  I just sat in our bedroom and once she stopped crying and screaming (no more than 5 minutes) I would go in and give her her blanket back and tell her I loved her and good night.

I felt horrible the whole time ... to me it felt like the toddler version of CIO.  But I was at my whit's end, I had already tried walking her back into her room, standing at the door blocking her in and laying with her for 2 hours.... it was getting late, the house was trashed, the pets needed to be taken care of and I wanted to have at least a little bit of time to myself before going to bed (or DS woke up ... thank goodness he is a MUCH better sleeper than she was at his age).

Sorry, I'm starting to rant, this week has been especially tough, DH, who is usually extraordinarily helpful, is working on his PhD, had a final this morning, a take-home final due tomorrow morning and a presentation on Monday ... so he just hasn't been able to help as much as he normally does ...

Karin - please post if you find anything that works ...


Thanks all and have a great weekend,
Melanie

[Karin3]

Melissa - I've pretty much given up.  Mimi doesn't open the door and come out.  I tried the gate last night but she wanted the door closed... because when she gets bored with playing she likes to kick at the door and yell for us.   

[torontomamma]

I feel for you all - I went though this when DH was just under 2.  What worked for us was walking her calmly back to her bed, no conversation, no eye contact nothing.  It took about 3 weeks of this to get back to normal.  If it turned into a game and she started laughing or playing, I would let her stand at her door until she got upset so she realized it wasn't a game and then calmly walked her back to her bed. 

In the beginning it took about an hour of this (sooooo hard) but gradually got down to just a couple minutes and then she went back to getting herself to sleep.

It seemed to rear it's ugly head again about two weeks ago, and I tried the sitting with her in bed thing, but eventually gave up and just let her cry at her door (only took 2 rounds of 2 minutes) and she walked back to bed on her own (mind you, she is now 5 months older and not at all resembly a baby anymore, which is different than the first time)

Whatever ends up working, it seems to be a very common issue around this age - it's like they all of a sudden know that staying awake was much more fun.

Good luck to you all

[Melluap]

Thanks for the advice!  I guess we will have to keep doing whatever works until this passes ... then one day she will be a teenager and we will have the opposite problem   

If they only know how much better sleep is!  Some days I get so caught up trying to get stuff done  I would just love it if someone would put me to bed ...


Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Melanie

[MommaHolmes]

Jaime - sooooo reassuring to hear that the strategy took three weeks to work. Everything I've read about the 'rapid return' approach makes it sounds as though success will be as quick as 3 or 4 days and we've been playing this game for over a week now and things don't seem to be improving (1hr 20 mins this eve, yuck!).

Will keep at it!!

[debandbrian]

Same problem here, and the whole bedtime debaucle takes about 60 - 90 mins from start to finish.  Only problem is, he's not happily playing...he's crying/begging for us to stay/claiming he's hurt or sick/says he needs to use toilet. We thought nap at daycare was the culprit, but he didn't nap for 3 days straight on weekend...one night fell asleep no prob, 2nd night up until 9, 3rd night asleep early (for him - 7:45) but it still took an hour to get there.
Frustrated bc bedtime puts me in a horrible mood, not to mention I can't get to bed at a decent hour....do you really think it will take weeks to pass?
Deb

[Melluap]

Hope this helps encourage others struggling ... (without jinxing myself ) ... We seem to have had a breakthrough!  The last three nights it's only taken about 1/2 hour to get her into bed.  Tonight was the best, she only tried to come out of her room once, DH told her to get back and she went right back and passed out.  I really hope this is the start of a new pattern.

Our most recent approach, which seems to be working was ...

• The first time she gets out of bed, walk her back, lay her down and tell her it's time to go to sleep and if she gets up again we will take her blankie
• 2nd time walk her back and take her blankies
• 3rd time walk her back and tell her the next time we will close the door
• Finally we shut the door, once she has calmed down we go in, give her her blanket back, open the door and leave

We've only had to go through this process twice at the most.  I still feel HORRIBLE and like I'm doing the toddler version of 'cry it out', but after 5 weeks of trying more loving approaches with no success I just don't know what else to do.

Please keep sharing anything you find that works ... I'm not too confident yet.  It's only been 3 nights ... we may other ideas before too long ...

[Karin3]

You just posted Mell!  I hope I'm not jinxing myself but we've had a couple good days/nights.  It could all go to pot again though. 

A few days ago, Mimi just played in her room and didn't go to sleep for her nap.  So, when it got to the point where it was too late to take a nap I just sent dh in.  We let her come out and we acted like nothing happened.  The last time she did this, I talked to her about it...  We only put her to bed 30 mins earlier than normal.  (She was super-spaz girl that night.)  She went right to sleep but had a few NWings.  

The next day, I put her to bed for her nap at her old nap time (12:30).  She started throwing a bit of a fit over it and said "I don't sleep on bed, I sleep on the floor."  I think she was expecting a fight.  I told her that was fine, she could sleep on the floor and then I asked her which blanket she wanted. (She rotates between Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty.)  I put her blanket on her on the floor and kissed her goodnight.  10 mins later I hear her really upset and crying.  So, I went in and asked her what was up and she said "I sleep in bed now, Mama."  Then, she took her nap.  

She's been sleeping without a fight ever since.  I'm also waking her up from her nap at 2:30pm no matter what.  She might not go right to sleep, and I'm still finding her in different places around the room but, I'll take that over 60-90 minutes of having to keep going in there, tantrums, etc... Oh, and we also had to start putting her to sleep in a onesie again because she kept taking off her diaper. 

[Melluap]

Ahh ... don't get me started on the diaper removal battle!   

That was the battle about 3 months ago!  She could get out of EVERYTHING!  We ended up having to buy polar fleece jammies (she would stretch and wriggle out of cotton) with a zipper, that we would cut the feet off of and put on backwards.  When we felt it was getting too warm for polar fleece ... per our pediatrician's (and some BWs that responded to my post) ... we had to start duck taping her diaper on.  Once again, I felt like a horrible mommy telling people that I was duck taping my daughter.  Luckily though ... she's quit doing that now ...

[debandbrian]

It's like there's a secret toddler handbook that they all pass around!!! We also had "something wrong" with our diaper last night that he begged me to come and fix (after I'd already fixed it once!!) We're totally potty trained during the day and just trying to use up the last bit of diapers so we can go to pullups at night...perhaps that will solve that problem??

Question Mell - when you take away her blankie, is there a screaming fit? I've been essentially doing the same thing only instead of blankie taken it's straight to close the door all the way instead of leaving it open like he wants.  He goes into hysterics...however, I do find the crying seems to tire him out and then after a good wail he falls asleep. I don't want the wail, mind you, but I'm stuck...
DH's turn for bedtime tonight, we'll see how it goes...

Deb

[Melluap]

Well ladies ... it's day 4 and she went down without a peep or even one attempt to get out of her bed!  Let's hope it keeps going!

Deb - I know what you mean!  At least it's comforting to have people who understand what you're going through ... and not judge (or call child protective services on) you for locking your crying kid in their room to get them to sleep and duck taping their diaper to keep it on.

Oh yes, she would have a HUGE fit when we took the blankie and then again when we would shut the door.  But it wasn't an upset or sad cry, it was her totally ed off 'd*mn it this is not what I want' cry.  I'm not sure I could have done it if she was actually upset ...

Hope your DH had luck tonight ...