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Author Topic: Still not withdrawing with gradual withdrawal..is it me or is it him?  (Read 8792 times)

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Offline KellyC

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #45 on: June 12, 2008, 19:00:06 pm »
Hi Nic

The New Forest is about half an hour from me!!

Many find that their LOs need a shorter wind-down as they get older and that they go to bed more awake than they did when they were younger.  Poor old Nathaniel has never had much of a wind-down as he had an almost 2 year old brother in his room at bedtime when he was tiny, so it's not a great comparison, but he has a very quick cuddle before I put him in his cot with his little aquarium on (which plays wave sounds), then we wave goodbye and that's it, he does what he does and goes to sleep.  I think it's possible that what used to work for sleep times when Joshua was younger is disrupting him now he's older - if he can see you're in the room he's maybe fighting because he doesn't want to miss anything (and take that as a complement!)  I'm afraid in your shoes I'd be embarking on some sleep training now but of course it's your choice.

Kelly x
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lilmonkey

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #46 on: June 12, 2008, 19:22:28 pm »
I agree with Kelly about the short winddown when los get older.  I used to have a good long winddown for dd but once we were on one nap (13 mos or so) her winddown was basically milk while I cuddle her and then into the crib.  I was too much of a distraction for her, she just wanted to play.  Of course that changed again when she closer to 2yo. 

Also, if you are embarking on the sleep training session.  I found the wi/wo to be very effective once they can stand. 

HTH
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Offline NicElua

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #47 on: June 13, 2008, 05:42:13 am »
Kelly,

New Forest is a really beautiful place. I loved it!

Kelly, Mimi,

Thanks for sharing about the winddown. I should try and keep that in mind. Josh is still transitioning, i think. That's why some days old methods work and some days, nothing works! Well, I just have to keep trying i guess.

Sleep training -- yes...it's been on my mind since Josh was 3mo. But i had no courage. and I allowed myself to be subjected to 1001 comments/remarks/suggestions delivered to me. Now i'm really regretting it.  :( so I'm going to bite the bullet and do it soon...once i recover from my flu, hopefully in a few days' time. Now that i have much stronger support from DH (who used to be an opponent!!), i think the rates of success will be a lot higher. He's more patient and more determined than i am. So if he is on board, i think we'll make it! Wish us luck!!

WI/WO -- I can't do this at all. Josh will SCREAM! not cry... so I think we would not subject him to that. So far the best is still being in the room with him, not facing him and ignoring him the whole time...

Sleep training is like being in Survivor. You have to outplay, outwit and outlast your tod!  ;D
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lilmonkey

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #48 on: June 13, 2008, 13:35:53 pm »
Quote from: NicElua on June 13, 2008, 05:42:13 am
Sleep training is like being in Survivor. You have to outplay, outwit and outlast your tod!  ;D

LOL.  That's the attitude!
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Offline NicElua

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #49 on: June 13, 2008, 14:49:52 pm »
Mimi,
heheh i got the essence of it isn't it?

btw, i sort of decoded Josh! Just now i did try to put him down the usual way, but aft about 30mins, i just left him in the cot. I laid down on the single bed we had in the room and pretended to be asleep. Josh just did his thing for about another 20mins or so and it was silent. i waited for about 5 mins before i got up to check. And viola! he was asleep!! Just like that!

so i told DH that this is what we are going to do. Continue with his bedtime routine as per normal. Aft his milk feed, give him a cuddle and put him straight into his cot. Lie down on the bed and ignore him. He'll fall asleep! :D...

well, i sure hope it will work again for naps and bedtime tomorrow!
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Nic


lilmonkey

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #50 on: June 13, 2008, 15:24:56 pm »
That's great that he fell asleep.  Eventually, you can shorten the time you are in the room with him.  My mom had to do this with dd for naps when she was looking after dd when I went back to work for a while.  I found that it didn't really affect how dd went to sleep at home.  I think that at this age they really know what to expect when it comes to everything.  Like cause and effect.  And you know what, if you have to resort to this every now and then b/c the planets weren't aligned that week or whatever then it doesn't mean that all is lost.  Don't want to scare you but dd is a BW baby/toddler but every now and then dh or myself have to be with her till she's asleep. 
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Offline KellyC

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #51 on: June 13, 2008, 16:19:21 pm »
Nic

When Zander was almost 2 (and I'd just had Nathaniel so he was feeling insecure) I had to do gradual withdrawal because he freaked when I went to leave the room at sleep times.  I started off sitting by his cot holding his hand through the bars and every couple of nights I moved closer to the door until I was waiting outside the door until he fell asleep.  I sat on a Thomas the Tank cushion and I always told him I was on the Thomas cushion so he understood that I wasn't far - eventually I put the Thomas cushion in the room next door and showed him where I'd be while he was falling asleep and he was happy for me to walk straight out.  He was a little older though so his understanding was probably better.  That kind of thing might work for you though.

Kelly x
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Offline NicElua

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #52 on: June 14, 2008, 05:48:30 am »
yes, kelly, mimi, i'm planning to move out of the room gradually. since josh can't deal with us being absent from the room right now, we have to stay for now.

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Offline NicElua

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #53 on: June 15, 2008, 09:08:29 am »
Tonight will the the 3rd night that we try to put Josh down for bed the 'new' way. The last two nights had been good compared to the many night before. Though Josh is taking a longer time to fall asleep now, he is sleeping better at night. The NWs in the last two nights had gone down dramatically to 2times each night.

We are going to monitor how things will be tonight. If all is well, we will move 1 step away from the cot at the beginning of next week.
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Offline NicElua

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #54 on: June 17, 2008, 04:55:30 am »
Surprise! Surprise!!

3rd nite was not progession night! it was regression night!

Josh started to resent me sitting on the bed next to him and started to wail and wail. And he would look at me when he did that. I think he is testing me. Am i right with that guess?

We are still taking more than 1hr to get to sleep with the ignoring and staying in the room. At times, he would asked to be picked up. But the moment he is picked up, he wants down. Again, same old pattern as before. Should i even pick him up? He's not crying but whining. But when he's up he'll scream to be put down...strangely, this is his version of PU/PD!..  :(

What should I do? Should I continue with the same tactics? I'm afraid it might just take the whole night!

on the contrary, the NWs dropped so much! Last night he hardly woke! He only did once at 5am. I went in and stayed with him and he went back to sleep in 3mins. I didn't hear from him since till it was 715am in the morning!

Thanks much for your ideas again! :)
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Nic


Offline emmas

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #55 on: June 17, 2008, 07:19:35 am »
Hi - Sorry last night was rough for you.  Do you think it is his mantra cry (the whining)?  If so I'd leave him to it.  Have you tried not picking him up and just saying something like no its time for sleep (or whatever terms you use for signalling sleep)

I would continue as you have been at least for a few more days - at this age it gets harder to 'correct' sleep behaviours.  It will be tough for a week or so - gradual withdrawal can take quite awhile (hence the gradual).  Keep focused on the positives - NWs down to 1 lasting 5 mins is pretty good going in 3 days!!

You can do it!!
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Offline KellyC

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #56 on: June 17, 2008, 07:30:53 am »
Hi

I think it sounds as though you're making progress, 1 NW is great :D  I agree with Emma not to pick him up when he's whining but to soothe him with your voice instead as when you're doing the GW you can continue to use your voice from wherever you are (even outside the room!).  Personally I made a move in the direction of the door every 3 days so in your position I'd be doing that now.  I certainly found that with me in the room (even though I had to be in there while we did the GW) he'd take an absolute age to go to sleep.  Once I was gone he went to sleep much, much quicker (or at least if he was awake I didn't know it!!).

Kelly x
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Offline NicElua

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #57 on: June 17, 2008, 10:22:04 am »
Kelly, Emma,

thanks for your words of encouragement. You just confirmed what i felt i should do: Not pick him up.

It's evening time now in Singapore. We had a full day of activities today. He had Gymboree in the afternoon and enjoyed himself thoroughly. He's a bit tired now. It will be his bathtime soon. and i sure hope that he'll go down easy tonight.

btw, i have hit a slight problem as for his nap and lunch. He had for 2days refused to eat his lunch at the usual time of 1130am, cos he was tired. After fighting with him over the lunch, he would drop off to sleep promptly. I'm thinking of doing a snack earlier and put him down round abt 12noon latest and continue to feed him something when he wakes abt 1-1.5hr later. You think this is something doable?

Thanks again.
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Offline emmas

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #58 on: June 17, 2008, 11:04:52 am »
Thats what I do - I give a feed of milk and have lunch when he wakes - I read alot of people give a snack before a nap - or half of their lunch.
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Offline KellyC

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Re: How does EASY look like for 12mo?
« Reply #59 on: June 17, 2008, 12:21:05 pm »
Have a play and see what works for you.  When Zander was dropping his nap I'd give him lunch and put him to bed any time after 11am that he seemed tired.  We have a morning snack anyway here!

Kelly x
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