He is really mad...

[carly-g]

Sorry in advance if this is disjointed... it is 2 am.   DS is bfing as I post, after 40 min of hysterical wi/wo, even though he just bfed at 11.15 and 7.30.

Just two weeks ago I had DS down to 3 feeds.  My goal was to have him completely done with breastfeeding at 13 months.  He doesn't have any teeth yet, and I have the bad habit of viewing every foul mood as teething, and falling quickly into APing. 

So here is the issue- FOr the past few nights, DS has been waking, and I have been feeding him.  Every night he wakes more and more frequently, and by 5 am I am so tired that I just brng him into bed with us.  During the day, he has wanted to BF.  No, he has INSISTED on BFing.  Pulling up my shirt, throwing himself on the ground and screaming if I try to tell him that he 'just had the boobie 30 minutes ago and needs to wait'.  He literally breastfed about 15 times today.  He is BLW, and has always been a great/big eater, but has only eaten about 1/3 of his normal intake this week.

I've tried teething meds, but haven't noticed a change.  Diapers are the same, more wet, poos are a little softer.  He is such a happy social little boy, but these past few days have been horrific.  clingy and whining and clawing at my breasts.

I just tried to put him down since he fell asleep at the boob (he never usually does this, usually goes to sleep independently), and now he is standing in his crib yelling again.... oh- he just stopped- I am holding my breath.  He is so mad, I want to help him, and I don't know what to do. 

I'm not really sure what my question is, or if this should be somewhere else, but I am hoping someone has an answer. 

[Samuel's mum]

Big HUG.
It might surprise some people that I say this but - if you really want to be done it's important that you stay firm here. YOU are the adult and he needs you to set limits and create his boundaries on this one. If you change your mind after you have initially said no this is incredibly confusing to him (although understandable if he is getting upset and it's difficult to see). I would distract as much as possible. When you see him considering it - sweep him up, give a big hug, sing a silly song, pretend he's a space rocket, go crazy. Have a water cup around and let him develop a system of asking for that - a funky new cup perhaps.

He is perhaps experiencing some separation anxiety here. And he is perhaps picking up on your anxiety.

At night it sounds as though he is developing bfing as a prop to transition between sleep cycles. Try and leave him awake as possible if you ever do feed. (see the gentle removal thread in night wakings FAQs and look for the pull-off technique). Is there someone else who can help with night weaning? What else might be happening with his sleep? Is he ready for one nap? Have you already made that transition? Does he have a lovey? Might anything else be waking him?

How hot is it? Do you think he could be genuinely thirsty? How is his food intake? There is a growth spurt around 12 months so he may need more calories overall but I think his current behaviour is more psychological/ emotional rather than physical.

I think - I know this is hard - but everytime you eventually give in and bf against your wishes you are giving him the message that a bf might be there eventually if he does protest. He is therefore pretty confused about why you are resisting. Consistency is the key here. Making sure he isn't thirsty, offering comfort but stay strong if you really don't want to bf.

But in this process take time to reflect whether you really do want to wean. Plenty of BWs go on beyond 12 months. If you are feeling any mixed feelings he's going to pick up on that too.

[carly-g]

Thanks, Emma. 

I started the weaning because he was taking shorter feeds and less interested in the breast.  Maybe I'll give it a few weeks to see how he's doing.  I was hoping to be done at 12 months, but if waiting for an extra month makes life less stressful for both of us, I don't mind waiting. 

I don't think it is a GS because he has actually significantly decreased his solids over the past week.  I thought it might be teething since he doesn't have any teeth yet (!), but don't know what teething looks like, so I can't be sure.  He might be thirsty since we are in florida and it is crazy hot right now, but DH and I keep the house fairly cool.  When I offered him his cup this morning, he got even more upset. 

He doesn't need the night feeds, as he has been STTN for months.  This started early last week, and he woke up in such a hysterical frenzy that I nursed him to calm him down... you know the rest.

It is just such a vicious cycle.  He didn;t get enough rest last night, so he wants to nurse for comfort, but nursing just cements the idea that he needs me for comfort, causing him to need me more.  bah.

So back to trying to only have 4 feeds, and fending him off when he asks for more....

[clh]

No advice, but plenty of {{hugs}}!  That's really hard. 

[lilmonkey]

Hugs Carly!

Don't know what else to add as Emma basically said it so well.  I wonder if it really just developemental or age related as ds is starting to go down that path.  I was so depressed last night at midnight that I woke up dh just to tell him that I wanted to leave!  To make matters worst, he fell back asleep while I toss and turn.  GRRRRRR!!!!!

Hugs again!

[Samuel's mum]

More hugs Carly (and one for you Mimi). I do think thirsty can be factor but at night he's looking for the comfort too. If it was teething I would have thought you'd see his gums looking a little different - inflammed or with the distinctive line. Can you see or feel anything? But I know sometimes with later teethers the teeth can start to appear in a different order. But teething is unlikely to be at the root of all this.

I would try and anticipate before you get to the fending off stage. See if you can identify when and where he is likely to ask.

[carly-g]

THanks, Candice!

Hi Mimi!!  Sorry to hear that you are in a similar boat.  Just when things are running smoothly, something happens! 

Thanks for the heads up on teething order, Emma.  It is so hard for me to know how he is when he is breaking a tooth since he hasn't done it yet.  TBH I've been blaming every foul  mood on teeth since he was 4 months old! 

This morning he screamed and cried when I tried to put him down for his morning nap, so I nursed him, then more screaming and crying.  I finally set him on the floor, and he was fine- just started playing with his blocks.  So he had no nap before our weekly lunch date with a friend and her 1 year old DD.  He did fine at lunch, ate well, and was in a fine mood.  I put him in my lap while we were waiting for the bill so he could visit with his friend, and next thing you know, my shirt is up and he is clawing at my bra!  So I *calmly* redressed myself, offered him his cup and told him that we would do that later at home.  He started to get all worked up, but I distracted him with a few toys.  So far he has only BFed twice today, and I am going to try to keep it at 4 times all week.  We'll try 3 times for next week. 

I have really enjoyed breastfeeding, but I do think I am ready to stop.  I want to get pregnant again sometime in the next year, and I want to have my body to myself for a couple months.  I feel a little selfish reading that now, but I do feel good for having made it a year. 

Thanks again!

[Samuel's mum]

It's not selfish. It's important to be honest with yourself. Sounds like today was a successful day in terms of putting on limits.

[clh]

Good for you handling a difficult situation so well!  I'm afraid I wouldn't have been so calm.    You're doing good at providing some consistancy.  {{hugs}}

BTW, I don't think its selfish to want your body to be yours for a bit.  That doesn't mean that you don't love bf'ing or anything, but it does get tiresome sometimes.  I've been pg or bfing since... Thanksgiving of 2004, so I completely understand.  I daydream of real dresses that don't have to be easy-access and a wonderful quality wardrobe of new non-nursing bras!    I'm starting to wean, too, so the end is in sight!