19 mn still problems with BBB

[nilly]

help still needed.... i think i may be going crazy. thanks for all the thoughts and advice ladies, but i seem to need more.

our LO is 19.5 months, and at 18 months we transfered him to the BBB. first few weeks were a breeze as he didn't realize he could get out. he have tried everything that we can think of to get him to fall asleep and stay in bed. i know it isn't' the best, but b/c he is still young, we just lye down with him till he falls asleep, or almost asleep. we tried GW, but as soon as we got to sitting at the door, we were back to frustrated parents and 1.5 hours of trying to get him down, and then we would just cave and lye with him. he still gets up 1-3 times during the night, usually, i just put him back to bed and he is OK. occasionally i have to sit at the end of his bed till he falls asleep. this i have to do if he wakes up any time after 4:00. most times he does fall asleep again, but not always. we have a gate on his door, and this morning i was so tired, i just said from my bed (which is right across the hall) "go to bed isaac", he did for 10 min, played, said it again, and he went back for another 20 min. we had such a great sleep up till this. i feel so bad for him, but his sibling is coming anyday now, and i am soooooo tired already. he use to sleep 11.5-12 hours at night and still had 2 naps @ 1:20 at least till we went to one nap and switched beds around 18 months (not at same time, but close).

also, his nap is only about 1:20 long now, and it just isn't enough for him. believe me, this kids needs and use to love his sleep.

here is our routine:

wakes up 4:30-6:00am
nap 11:00/11:30ish (sleeps only for max 1:40)
bed 6:30

please send the advice.....we need it. i would love to have this sorted out before #2 arrives which is really any day!!!! yikes

thanks, nilly

[clh]

Let me preface this by saying that we've always shut the boys' doors.  Their rooms are right off the kitchen, so we needed to do that so they could sleep.  We've been doing that since they started sleeping in their cribs.

We transferred J to a BBB at about 22/23 months, so he was slightly older.  We did our routine & left as always, shutting the door.  As long as he was quiet, we tried not to check on him too much.  Sometimes he'd talk/play.  If he was loud, we'd remind him that nightime is for sleep & close the door again.  More than once, we'd find him asleep in the floor beside his bookcase or under the window.    But he's eventually sleep.  And eventually he learned that the bed was more comfy.  And eventually, I realized that we were extremely blessed at how smoothly all that went with a new babe in the house.

What does he do if you don't lay with him?

[nilly]

if we don't lay down with him, he just gets up and opens the door. we also close his door, but put a gate in front to keep him in. he comes to the gate and just smiles. i never thought to just let him  'play' in his room. how long till he just stays in his bed? what about the night wakings? or nap times? aaarrrggghhh!!! i am just so tired of this. sometimes i feel like i should just put him back in his crib till the baby outgrows the basinet, but then all this has been for nothing. i was hoping to have this nipped in the but before #2 arrives, looks like that will not be happening.

nilly

[clh]

{{hugs}} nilly!  I feel like a jail warden saying this, but we got those knob-cover child resistant things so he couldn't open the door.  We're not complete ogres, though.  We still keep a monitor in his room so we can hear when he needs us, & he knows we'll come when he does. 

I don't know how long till he stays in bed.  Some nights, like last week, J still fights not to get in bed (just a mattress on the floor, btw), so we'll let him go to sleep in the floor.  Sometimes we'll hear him getting restless or be in that not-quite-awake mode so dh will go put him in bed.  Sometimes he'll spend all night on the floor (not too often).  Sometimes he wakes up enough to put himself to bed in the middle of the night. 

We were pretty much past the nw's, except for some nightmares that started the past few months.  I don't know what to tell you about that.  We have had the poor kid on a timer just about his whole life (5 more min of play, 10 minutes until bedtime, etc), so we usually responded to nightmare wakings by agreeing to his request for us to "sit fi' min-its."  He understood that there was a limited amount of time that we would be with him, but we'd come back if he really needed us.  I still do that:  5 minutes, James.  OK.  It's 3 more minutes now.  One more minute sweetheart.  OK.  It's time for Mama to go.  He'll usually want a hug & kiss, but is OK with us leaving at that point.  Does your ds need something when he has nw, or is it habit, or can't quite make the transition to the next cycle by himself...??

Naps were harder (they always have been hard at our house), but we treated them similarly.  He had to be quiet, even if he didn't sleep, and he had to stay in his room. 

More {{hugs}} I can "hear" your frustration.  I only know what worked for us & our older toddler.  We did choose to wait until after the baby came (ours are 21 months apart), but that's not where you are right now.  I don't know if telling you what has worked for us helps you or not...  Let me know if you want me to keep talking. 

[nilly]

i feel like the most horrible mother around!!!! the only thing that eventually works is that i get mad at LO and say, no, truthfully more like yell, "get back to bed, go to sleep". what is so sad,is that he cries for a bit and it works!!!! i am so tired of fighting with my LO everynight. my husband said he would take over for the next week as i am sooooo fried! we don't have this problem with naps (except that they are too short), but he falls asleep totally on his own. DH put tinfoil on the window to make it really dark to try and cut down on the light. this seems to help in the mornings.

i still don't know what to do. i feel like i have tried everything i know.  i was thinking about the lock on the door handle, but i don't know if they make them for the type of handles we have. i totally think the our lo is overtired, hense the night wakings. he has to be, as often now it takes us till 8:30 to get him to bed.

please send any other suggestions, i don't want to yell at my LO to get him to sleep.

nilly

[clh]

I'm currently out of new ideas, but had to post some {{hugs}} hun. 

You have seen the FAQhttps://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=81192.0 and sticky about BBBshttps://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=113115.0.  Right?  I think something in there talked about no interaction at all, just leading him back to bed.  No words, no eye contact.  Or another approach was to tuck him in, tell him you'd be back in 5 minutes to check on him & continue that way. 

I'd say you & dh pick some method (whatever that is) and let him take it for a week.  Sometimes J just needs a change in personnel.    More {{hugs}}

[nilly]

clh,

i think we may have made some progress in the last few nights yeah!!!!!! we put a lock on his door, and now he no longer finds it "fun" to stand at the door. it may sound cruel, but it seems to be working. he comes to the door, tries to open it, and cries. i have  after about 30 sec then opened the door, and just walked him back to bed. he cries as soon as i leave him, but he eventually goes to sleep. i am just not sure if i let him cry longer everytime? last night he slept 12 hours, woke up twice, but was able to fall asleep on his own

naps are no problem falling asleep, but they are just to short! will they get longer? he is at 1:20-1:40 now.
thanks for your encouragment.

nilly

[clh]

Yay for progress!   That sounds like you're responding to his needs & he knows you're there.  But he also is learning that it's not fun to keep standing there.  I'm trying to remember what we've done with J regarding going longer every time...  I don't think we had to do that.  He usually hasn't lasted that long.  If it's the toddler equivalent to a mantra, I'd say you could away stay longer, but if he's getting (or starting out) hysterical, I'd not.  So proud of him falling asleep on his own!  Yay!

I'm not the right person for naps...  Daycare did a lot of good for us on that front.  11 does seem to be a little early for only a single nap.  Is there any way you can push that a little later?  Seems as though that helped us... 

[fiona1274]

We have just put our LO in a BGB and she is 23 months. It was partly because she has potty trianed herself and if I leave the potty she goes herself. In the cot she would need me to go in about 10 times before she fell asleep. The other part is because we are going on holiday and I know the cots aren't big enough so I had to think about it sooner rather than later.
She shares a room with her sister and there has been an increase in the bedtime messing but I assume that when the novelty wears off this will be better. They don't come out but as long as the play is happy I am leaving them to it.
We have had NW though and I don't know what to do as when she wakes at night she had a temper tantrum. My DH doesn't do well without sleep and he suggested putting her in the shed last night!!! They are so similar it is a nightmare. Not sure how to get her to stay in bed when she wakes at night without disturbing everyones sleep.