12 month old never wants to nap or sleep

[mylittlelovelies]

Hi,
Just looking for some help with my routine for my 12 month old. She doesn't ever seem to want to nap or go to bed at night. Sometimes I seem to fluke it and she'll happily lie down in her cot and go to sleep, but 80% of the time its a battle. I'm wondering if i'm doing something wrong with her awake times etc or if she is ready to transition to 1 nap. She has always been a very VERY alert baby - i could never get her to breastfeed to sleep even if I wanted to (handy in some ways, annoying if i was ever desperate) and she always wakes up bright eyed in a second (not necessarily happy, but very alert).
Anyway, this is kind of how the day goes mostly (although it changes as i've been experimenting lately trying to get something to work!!)

7am Wake
9:30 Nap (40 minutes usually, occasionally 1 hr)
10:15/10:30ish wake
2pm Nap (40 minutes usually, occasionally 1 hr)
2:45/3ish wake
5:30 dinner
6:00 bath (hypes her up so try not to do it any later)
7:00 bedtime routine /calm down (isn't always as calm as I'd like as dh gets home and dd finds him very exciting)
7:30/8:00 bedtime (usually closer to 8pm)

she just doesn't seem to want to go down for her morning or afternoon nap, she cries when I even go into her room or put her in her sleeping bag, then if I put her in her cot she stands up and cries. We always read books and sing songs and try to make it a nice time, but when it comes to actually going to sleep she almost always gets upset. I usually pick her up when she's really crying and as soon as she stops I lie her down again, she then stands up and cries and I pick her up, lie her down, she's still crying, stands up, so I pick her up till she stops crying...etc etc. Some naps she'll eventually stay down and go to sleep with my hand patting or still on her back, other days i end up holding her till she's quite drowsy as she has worked herself up so much it seems the only way to get a nap to happen at all. The occasional naps where she seems like she wants to go to bed (so rare these days), i can just put her in the cot and stand nearby and she fidgets around and goes to sleep on her own...no patting, touching, shusshing or anything. Why cant it be like that every time!!!

Any help would be really  REALLY appreciated!

[brenda2]

just going to pop this over to toddler sleep for you so you'll get moms with more experience with the older baby.  hope that's ok!

[mylittlelovelies]

Thanks.

one other thing i didn't mention, is that i always feel totally confused about whether dd is OT or UT... its like she's tired and needs to sleep but completely fights it and wants to be playing and is super alert. This morning she was yawning after 2 hrs (she was up a bit in the night) and i put her to bed after 2.5 hrs...she cried and stood up so I sort of did pu/pd with her, only i prob held her until she calmed down rather than putting her back immediately. Eventually she stayed down and was sobbing so i softly patted her back until she was almost alseep. She woke after 40 mins but put her back down again and patted her back briefly and she went back to sleep without a fuss really (thats good for her, i don't often have success getting her back to sleep).

also, she is SUPER clingy during the day. Doesn't want me to leave the room. If i'm cooking in the kitchen she doesn't even seem content playing next to me, she wants me to pick her up. She doesn't really want her dad to even look after her somtimes, if I'm somewhere else in the house she'll want to find me. this morning she cried while i had my shower and left her playing with her dad. So it seems that nap and bed times are similar she just clings and cries standing in her cot if I don't pick her up. There are also lots of NWs and she seems quite distressed and clings to me if I go to put her back in her cot. I tend not to let her lose too much sleep because it seems she might be OT so I do whatever works to get her back to sleep.

so anyway, please please i'd love people's ideas. If she is generally OT do I stick to the A times that I want her to have (long enough to get her to have decent naps) or do i put her down earlier so that she hopefully catches up on some sleep. So many questions sorry!!

[Layla]

She's probably ready for more A time.. especially in the morning

The morning A time is usually around 3-3.5hrs.. so I would look at something like this:

7am - wake
10.30-11:15 - morning nap
3-4.30 - afternoon nap
8pm - bedtime

Don't push her the whole hour at once... look at adding 15mins or so every couple of days to avoid the overtired state.

Also she might be going through a 2-1 nap transition... where some days she will not want a morning nap... so in that case I would do an early lunch and put her down for the afternoon nap around 11-11.30am... and do an earlier bedtime.

She might also be going through SA... being clingy and the best thing for that is to spend as much time as you can with her....I used to carry Jasmine around all day long. Its very tiring but it will pass!

I suspect the nightwakings are probably related to the short naps/too long A time before bed... so try to spread the naps out more so that she's not awake for too long before she goes to sleep.

Let me know how you go
Layla

[mylittlelovelies]

Thanks Layla,
Sorry i've taken so long to reply. I think you're probably absolutely right that she needs more A time in the morning. I think I've been getting myself stuck in the cycle of her being OT so then crashing early but then having a short nap...etc etc and on it goes. I've been trying to make sure she's definitely not staying up late and trying to extend her night a bit so she can catch up on sleep, which seems to be helping. She's been resisting sleep times a lot less and now I'm only having to pd a couple of times before she stays down and starts to settle to sleep. I also think the idea of a short morning nap is great! I'd been thinking of trying to get it the otherway round so that the morning nap was good so at least then i knew she'd had one decent nap in the day and I usually let the afternoon do whatever happened, but it makes sense that she have a decent nap so she's not tired at bed/tea time.
Another question.. when would be the best times to give her breastfeeds and solids within that 2 nap routine you suggested?
thanks
Jessie

[Layla]

I would probably aim for something like this (assuming you are still doing the morning & bedtime feed)

7am - wake & breastfeed
8am - breakfast
9.30am - snack
10.30-11:15 - morning nap
11.30-12pm - lunch
1.30-2pm - snack
3-4.30 - afternoon nap
5.30pm - dinner
6pm - bath
7pm - supper (well we just have something small like a bananna or piece of toast or some porridge). You could do a milk feed here.
7.30pm - breastfeed & bedtime

On the days where she is refusing the morning nap and you have to put her down for 1 nap... you could try 1/2 lunch before nap time and finish lunch off when she's up from nap. Or some do a large snack before naptime and then offer lunch after nap is over

hope this helps a little

[mylittlelovelies]

that looks similar to what we are doing except she has a breastfeed in the middle of the day too...probably replaces that 1:30 snack that you put in.
One other question... is there any reason that the middle of the day A time is longer than the last A time of the day? the time between naps is 3 hrs 45mins where its only 3 hours at the end of the day. I worry that she won't want to go to bed if its fairly short.
Also, yesterday we had things on all morning and all afternoon so she only had one sleep...unfortunately it was only 50 mins (probably OT)...what bedtime would i aim for if this happens?
thanks heaps for your help!
Jessie

[Layla]

When I say 7.30bedtime, I mean to be in her room and winding her down (say read her books, sing songs, etc...) and leave around 7:45pm or so in the hope that she will go down around 8pm. Also these A times are just a guide. Generally on a 45min morning nap, babies of her age can last about 3.5hrs before they want to nap. And thats about the same A time before bedtime.

If she only slept 50mins then I would probably put her down for the night around 6-6.30pm (depending on when the nap was taken and when it ended).

[mylittlelovelies]

thanks,
that routine seems to be working quite well actually. I have extended  her morning A time and made the first nap short so she will still have an afternoon nap. Yesterday she didn't fight her naps at all and was so happy all day
today however...didn't want to go to bed at either nap!! do you think that would be because it should have been a 'one nap' day?? this was what we did

Last night slept about 11 hours

wake 7am
nap 10:40 - 11:20 (didn't want to go to sleep...started putting her in her cot at about 10am but couldnt get her to go to sleep so let her play for another 20 mins and finally got her to sleep - against her wishes really - at about 10:40)
nap 3:40 - 4:40 (again didn't want to go to sleep so i held her till she was drowsy as was scared to have the nap start any later)
bedtime asleep by 8:20pm

any ideas why she still didn't want to nap today! she was actually very happy and settled...just didn't want to go to bed.
thanks
jessie

[Layla]

Jessie, during the 2-1 nap transition, we had plenty of days where my lo would not want to sleep in the morning either. So in that case, I would make it a 1 nap day and offer her a nap around 11.30am or so. When you say you couldn't get her to sleep... what do you do? What I used to do is put my lo in her cot and leave the room. I would give her about 30mins to fall asleep and if she didn't, then I would pick her up and offer her 1 nap. Try to follow her cues as well... still give her the opportunity to have a nap and even if she hasn;t then at least she's had some down time in the cot for 30mins or so... and then go on with your day and try for a nap after a snack or some lunch.

 

[mylittlelovelies]

when she doesn't want a nap I end up holding her till she stops being cross at me for making her nap...then I put her in her cot. today i patted her back so she'd go to sleep t his morning. She tends not to want to be left in her cot by herself at nap time so its tricky. I usually just stand by the door while she falls asleep, but if she doesn't want to nap she'd just be yelling standing up in her cot. she wouldn't just play happily for 30 mins like you suggested...that would be good though!
not sure how to make her happier to just be there. ??

[brenda2]

we are going through this right now and it's hell.  but my Lo is 10 mo and i think it's way too soon to be on 1 nap, but that's where this is headed!  it is absolutely impossible to get her to take a 2nd if she doesn't want it.  she stands up and screams and screams. 

right now if she wakes up early then she has a long nap in the late morning and a catnap in the early evening (really short-20 min) and bed about 13-14 hours after she got up.  if she sleeps a little later then she has 1 long nap in the middle of the day (today it was 12:10-2:50) and bed about 11 hours after she got up.  but it is really hard to get her down before she is really tired.  and this is a baby who used to go to bed and happily play for 30 min plus before going off to sleep independently.  gone are those days!!

i don't know how to fix it so we are going with the flow and i guess she'll be on 1 nap earlier than most.  you can't make them sleep if they don't want to sleep.

hope it goes well for you.