Desperately need help weaning 18 month old

[Samuel's mum]

With gentle removal you do put him back on if he really complains. It's a gradual process with minute steps. Pantley suggests putting a hand on their chin so something is there when they are complaining. I used to put a finger in the corner of Sam's mouth as I was removing my nipple and let the finger linger their a moment. One day he will start to complain and stretch out looking for the nipple and then go 'oh for goodness sake I can't be bothered. I'm too tired' and just fall asleep.

[snookieputz]

Hello all!

He actually has quite a lot going on in the teething department right now. I think that from what it looks like he has several coming in right now, so that might actually explain why it seems that he is hanging on so adamantly when I try to remove him.

Last night at bedtime, he did not want to come off the breast and when he finally did, I noticed after a few minutes that he was sucking his fingers - which is unusual for him, since he does not suck his fingers.

This almost broke my heart , I felt so guilty for not nursing him. However, I decided that it would send him mixed messages if I decided to nurse him after taking him off, since we have been doing the routine of him babbling to himself for about 15-30 mins after he gets off the breast for a few weeks now, and this seems to be the biggest success thus far in my attempt to wean him.

But, I couldn't just leave him there sucking his little fingers, so I asked him if he wanted mamma to hug him and he nodded yes, so I ended up holding him on my chest and rubbing his back until he fell asleep.

Tonight he fell asleep on his own again after babbling - no finger sucking and without the back rubbing.

I've tried the singing in an attempt to create a sleep cue, but so far, it seems to keep him more awake - maybe I need to try another song .

The 2 or 3 times that I've tried it, he always seems to be more awake. Will keep tyring though. Knowing that you all are here helps to keep me motivated that even if it takes a while, I will somehow be able to wean my little guy.

Thanks and Hugs!

[Samuel's mum]

I think that if the song doesn't feel right then dump it to be honest. Not everything will work for everyone. Your sleep cue could be something else - like a few moments of the back rubbing.

Don't feel guilty. It is obvious to anyone reading this how incredibly loving you are being and you are putting his needs in the front of your mind every step of the way. Having a sibling and a happily pregnant mummy is part of those needs. Yes, some of us bf through conception and pregnancy but with your history it seems it is not right for you.
You have bfed for way way longer than the vast majority of the population. You really shouldn't feel badly. I completely agree you don't want to lose that independent babbling time.

[binxyboo]

LOL singing often does not work for my Kate, she will try to warble along, and she is only 7 months!!

I TOTALLY forgot that Riley started sucking his thumb when he weaned. TOTALLY forgot about that. And like you, I felt sooooo sad when I saw him doing it, something about it struck me as looking so lonely. I had been so used to mothering at the breast, it was totally new to me to see him self-soothe. I chose to lay with him and hug him etc. In hindsight, it might have been better to leave him to it himself, but at the time it felt right to at least be close to him if I wasn't nursing him to sleep. It would have been too much for me to just leave him there until he drifted off.

I'll keep checking in to see how you both are doing xx

[binxyboo]

How are things going?

[snookieputz]

Hello!

Thanks for checking in on us. I'm actually feeling a little low about the whole weaning thing. Seems like we are moving backwards instead of forward. We went away for a few nights and it seemed to have taken a huge toll on any progress that we were having. Hope all is great on your end!

While we were away, my DS had such a hard time putting himself to sleep with his babbling. The room was so much brighter than the room at home, and it did not help matters at all that you could hear every little thing - I did borrow a fan from the front desk, but the white noise that it created was really harsh and loud, compared to the fan at home, and he had 4 of his older cousins running around when it was his naptime.

Anyway, I ended up BFing much longer than I have been doing to get him to sleep and since we came home, now, whereas he used to just roll off of the breast when I told him that it was time for him to "play" (babble) and then fall asleep, now he hangs on and begins to cry. I let him nurse for a few more minutes and then when he is ready, I tell him it is time for me to sing to him.

So, this is what we have been doing lately. I have been hugging him or rubbing his back and singing to him until he falls asleep.

All in all, I am a little ashamed and disappointed to report that despite all the great advice from you and Emma, we have not made any advances, and probably have actually taken a step or two backwards.

I am not pushing it too much right now, because next week, we go away again for a week, and it seems counterproductive to try only to go astray while we are away.

I've told my DH that we really will have to stay home if we want to make any progress with weaning the little guy. I am not so thrilled about going away again, but DH is the one that made the arrangements and I felt badly for him, since he has his own home based business and has been really swamped and stressed and feels like he needed some time away from home/work.

I was hoping to have good news to report, but I guess I feel better just being able to share and knowing that you care enough to even check in on us.

Thank you so much for checking in. xxxxxx

I'll make sure to check in more often - good or bad news :-)

[Samuel's mum]

I think you should take the pressure of yourself while you go away or you'll just make yourself miserable and then really get stuck in once you are back at home.
Really hope you manage to preserve that period of falling asleep without the breast though. Rubbing back/hugging/singing - that's still not the breast and worth it for sure.

Don't feel badly. You are on the road and you will get there. You do need a block at home though.

[binxyboo]

I think you should take a break from it all on vacation and then get stuck in again when you get home. Whenever we travelled with Riley when he was younger, the fact that we coslept and he could nurse to sleep was such a godsend, made it all so easy. Supposed to go away for a few days in Sept, and I am wishing Kate would sleep with me and nurse to sleep! No idea how to travel with a baby who prefers her own crib!

Take care, enjoy your holidays, and do what you can, but don't drive yourself crazy over it all. Check in when you can, it will be great to hear from you xxx

[clh]

Big {{hugs}}!  Somehow I missed this the first time around.  You sound so in-tune with what your son needs.  That's wonderful!  Things will progress, hun.  Don't be hard on yourself, especially when you're away from home.  Keep posting. 

[binxyboo]

Wondering how things are going xxx

[snookieputz]

Hi,

Thanks so much for checking in on us. I have no success to report as of yet. Feeling kind of down in the gutter lately. After we came back from vacation, it took quite a while to get back to normal - the little guy had gotten stuck on a later bedtime and we are actually still dealing with that right now, although it is getting better every day - we are down to a bedtime of 8/8:30 instead of 9.

Weaning has been all but non-exiistent. I had a friend and her husband come visit us for a few days and that did not help matters out either.

ANyway, I'm sorry to sound so negative. I finally realized that I have not taken a more active approach to weaning my little one because I am not completely emotionally ready to wean him yet. If he was ready, I think that would be a different story, but he gets so exicted when it is time to nurse (especially at night), that I sometimes wonder if I have the heart to do it.

DH and I are still ttc and just yesterday, I had expected my period but spotted early in the morning. I got really excited and took a home pregnancy test which came up positive with a very faint pink line.

I am still nursing the little guy one time during the early morning - anywhere between 3 and 5 am.

Well, I went to bed about 12am (stayed up with DH who was out all day and came home late) pretty exhausted and could not get to sleep. DS woke up at about 1:30am thirsty and I got up and got him something to drink. At about 3:30 DS woke up to nurse, he gets pretty riled up if I try not to nurse him, and I began to nurse him.
After he switched sides, within a few minites, I could feel my uterus jolt a bit and I began cramping, and I got really stressed out because I realized that my period had started. I got up and checked and sure enough it had started - very heavily.

I'm feeling pretty low right now, because I know that I was pregnant again, and feel like somehow, I have to get strong enough to just go ahead and begin the weaning process.

I'm sorry to go on and on. Thank you so much for caring enough to check in on us.

I need some encouragements and support to get me to somehow get to the point where I will just begin the weaning process and get it over with.

I have prnted out all the suggestions from you and samuelsmom again and will discuss them with DH and hopefully begin actively weaning in the next few days.

Until soon, xxxxx

[Samuel's mum]

HUGE HUGE hug.
I nursed throughout my pregnancy (didn't miss a day) and I know that for the majority of mums there is no risk at all but for the small minority (like some mums are advised to not have sex) there can be. It seems as though you are either in that sad minority or it was a terrible coincidence. Some mums have uteruses that are more receptive to the oxytocin produced during nursing and orgasm. Whatever the reason I can see that you now want to wean asap. I am so so sorry.
I can completely understand that this process was perhaps dragging because you weren't ready to wean either.
Can DH do some nighttime parenting? It would be a tough few days but it is something families often feel is worth it. Now you are back on a routine at home hopefully things will settle.
I'm so sorry about what happened. I wish you all the best for the future of TTCing. And I hope weaning will be as peaceful as possible. I think it's going to be hard to avoid tears entirely if you sense he is excited about nursing as he is. But you are entitled to your needs and desires too. He has had a lovely start to life with his nursing experience and now you can hopefully handle weaning with as much love as possible too. Consistency will be key.
BIG HUG again.

[binxyboo]

Huge huge huge hugs to you.

I think Emma said it all really well. It may be hard getting through some tears, but life will go on, and it's not really an end to anything, it's the beginning of a new way of intereacting and meeting his needs without nursing. Riley, at age 3, is still very much a Mommy's boy and snuggles, hugs etc are very important to him.

Much love to you xxxx

[snookieputz]

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragements - really helps. I'm feeling much better - I have so much to be grateful for as it is.

I have been having some computer problems over the last few days and could not get on to respond, but I just wanted to check in to say Thanks.

I think that it may have just been a terrible occurence, as you mentioned in your post Emma, because as far as I know, my uterus is not so sensitive to the oxytocin. I was pregnant for 10 weeks in May before we lost the baby, and I was nursing the little guy a great deal more at that time.

When we lost the baby in May it was because the heartbeat stopped, but the doctors did not think that it had anything to do with the nursing, but prehaps this time seems to have been different because, and probably because I was very stressed and nervous as I nursed the little guy, hoping that something would not go wrong and sure enough it happened. I know I should not blame myself, but I feel like somehow, I caused it with my overthinking, overstressing about it. Before I went to bed that night, I was already feeling stressed about having to nurse DS and hoping that it would not cause a problem.

I think that because of all my losses (one before DS, almost loss of DS at 5months pregnancy, and then Loss in May), I just seem to get stressed.

We will continue taking it one day at a time here, and will let you all know how things are going and when we make some type of progress.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

Nadia

[Samuel's mum]

More HUGS Nadia.
I think it is perfectly understandable that you get stressed. YOU DID NOT cause anything to happen. You might find it reassuring to read 'Adventures in Tandem Nursing' by Hilary Flower which has lots of information about how miscarriage is not caused by nursing unless in extreme circumstances.
Do check out our losses board here. There is a special community here who will 'listen' to you. It's so important to have people you can share your bad (and good) days with.