14 mo old twins and bad habits after making 2-to-1 nap switch

[kohnheads]

Hello,

I'm struggling with a couple of separate situations with my (almost) 14 month old twins.  We've recently made the 2-to-1 nap switch and in the chaos of it all we fell into a bit of accidental parenting.  I'm taking full responsibility for my mistakes.  I'm looking for a bit of help on a couple of different issues to get me back on track. 

First, Nolan has decided that he doesn't want to fall asleep on his own anymore.  He wants you to stay in his room until he's asleep.  He'll roll around his crib, close his eyes, but then he'll open them every 30 seconds or so to make sure you're still there.  I don't do anything other than just stand there.  If I think I've successfully snuck out and he catches me, he WAILS like he's been completely abandoned until I slink back in and calm him down.  Unfortunately for me (and him), we've been holding him until he's asleep a lot of the time, especially if we've made an unsuccessful attempt at trying to sneak out, and then laying him in his crib.  I know, I know, so bad.  Not sure how to fix this.  I've heard of WI/WO but have no idea how it works or if it would work in this situation.

And second, Jonas requires more sleep and is more apt to get OT with the new one nap routine, so every 7-8 days or so he'll wake in the night.  I cannot for the life of me get him back to sleep.  He's like a little monkey, holding on to me for dear life, and if I try to set him in his crib to go back to bed he cries so hard.  I usually end up rocking him to settle him down and we both end up falling asleep in the rocking chair.  Only if he's in a dead sleep am I able to get him back in his crib.  It's horrible.  I get so angry at myself because I have no idea what to do.  He's great when it comes to falling asleep - I set him down, kiss him, and he's asleep within a minute or so.  Every time.  But this NW is so different and it almost seems like he's frightened to be left by himself. 

Any advice?  I'm so desperate!

Thanks, Lindsay

[Boyz:)]

Hi

I don't have any advice...sorry....just wanted you to know that you're not alone.  DS2 is doing what both of your DS are doing.  It would seem that we're stuck in exactly the same place....

{{{{HUGS}}}}


Kandace

[kohnheads]

Hi Kandace,

Glad to know we're not alone.  I hope it gets better for you soon, too!

Do you know anything about WI/WO?  I keep hearing this term but don't know how to do it or what it is...

Thanks,
Lindsay

[everhopeful]

I so know where you are!  My lo is like you lo's.  We are doing wi/wo right now and it is working. We put him down drowsy but awake, stay with him until he is calm, say "It's time to go to sleep" and then walk out. He is usually crying like crazy by the time we get to the door.  I count to 15 and then go back in and repeat.  The first night it took almost 2 hours.  We are on night 6 and it is about 30 minutes.  He has slept through the night now for 2 nights!  This is lot for a lo that was awake almost every night for 2 hours for 7 months!  I haven't really been doing it for naps (oops!) and he still needs me in the room for those.  I know I need to start with naps, but he has been so OT I didn't want to have all of his sleep totally off.  I am doing more of Gentle Removal for those.  I know somewhere there is a link that describes both of these methods.  Maybe someone will be able to tell you where to look. 

goodluck!

everhopeful

[momtonb&ab]

everhopeful has it right....that's pretty much what you need to do to help ds who wants you to stay around.  be sure NOT to ever sneak out, tell him you are leaving.  probably part of what makes him scream is that he has come to realize that you are sneaking out when he isn't looking.  what you want to do is reestablish his trust in you by telling him you are going, then coming back in as everhopeful says!  it will work, stick with it. 

with ds who gets overtired, we have had a bit of the same problem where dd seems to have struggled a bit more with the 2-1 switch (which we did at 14 months as well) and seems to need more sleep (or a slightly different sleep schedule)....rather than end up with the night wakings, we have tried giving her a longer nap.  i know with our guys (who sleep in the same room) when ds wakes he often wakes dd.  we moved their cribs head to foot so they can't see each other, which helps a bit, and sometimes if i see she is really tired i actually put her down 20-30 minutes ahead of ds so she can get a bit extra sleep in the afternoon.  He goes down very quietly so doesn't wake her at the beginning of the nap where at the end of the nap he is chatty and playful and is more likely to disrupt her.  we don't do this all the time as i really feel that different schedules isn't necessary and is SO much extra work, but here and there it really helps to avoid the night wakings and subsequent accidental parenting that comes with being so exhausted you will do anything to get one back to sleep so as not to wake the other.....

good luck, hang in there.  the one nap is really a great thing for the most part

[kohnheads]

OK, so just to clarify, when you do WI/WO do you comfort in the crib when you go back in or do you pick up? 

[momtonb&ab]

dont' pick up, just comfort in the crib, and not for too long.......

[lilmonkey]

Lindsey, here's what I do with regards to WI/WO as we are also having some trouble at bedtime but it is mainly due to SA.  Do my usual routine, put in crib, leave.  I listen for the "I need you" cry or if it's just a whimper I come in after 1 min.  Lay him back down, say my words and couple of pats, leave.  Rinse and repeat.  It is tougher now to do this as ds can be quite adament that I stay to hold his hand until he sleeps.  I have also noticed that if ds is laying down and whimpering, it is best if I don't go in as he is trying to settle.  It's good to have a video monitor.  For some reason, he screams the loudest for dh but he goes to sleep much faster (5-10 min) than if it was me.  Because of this, we figured that it is because of SA.  Hopefully it will pass soon.