sleeper training diary: bring it on!

[yaya]

thanks girls...keyy i was hoping someone would say that! Think she wasn't ready for no hand really, she's been rocked for a looooon time now....

Rina, I tried endlessly to introduce a lovie, she doesn't 'attach' to them, can you explain how you did it? With thomas he took a little cushion when he was about emily's age but i never introduced it and remember having the lovie issue with himt oo when I was training him. I can see that it would help her loads, she's spirited and very tactile loves stroking my hair (which i hate>)  and when she's laying in her cot she seems as though she doesn't know what to do with herself...

Well last night she woke at 1am and i had to go in hand on back 2 twice then she woke once more and re settled herself...when she doesn't need 'help' she seems to sleep better too (so if i can holdout and not go in she sleeps better) and then woke at 7 am, not bad!

[rinajack]

Michelle, with Zara, I introduced it at a very very young age, so what I did probably wouldn't apply.  However, now that Emily is older, you could make 1 particular toy, of your choosing, a part of your day - lets take xxx to brush his teeth too, lets take xxx to get watch while you do this or that, bring xxx to teh dinner table, oh, when we feel sad, giving xxx a cuddle helps us feel better (you will obviously still have to cuddle to in the beginning).  XXX is your friend, he can sit in your cot and watch you sleep blah blah blah.

If she likes your hair (Hugh likes mine too) then try a doll that has hair, even if you have to buy a new one.  Or try a my little pony, the hair on the tail and mane often is an ok substitute for Hugh.

HTH, and that night you had sounds like it is going alright to me!

[yaya]

excellent rina, good idea about the doll/pny, hadn't thought of that as thought it needed to be a soft toy...will give it a go.
As for the night..it's great for emily!!!! Now I am craving the STTN after she let me sample it once LOL, how are your nights going?

[rinajack]

Well, our approach has been to wean night feeds, but not wean co sleeping, which I actually like.  It is going ok.  I did feed him last ngiht, some nights I settle him but he repeatedly wakes like every 10 mins.  On those nights, I feed him, and then he sleeps fine.  Some nights it doesn't happen at all, so no night feeds.  Since we have eating issues, 1 feed some nights seems OK to me, and he isn't fighting to be fed, he settles quite easily now.

in the night though, he often wakes up and crawls to either myself or DH (mostly me) and snuggles in for a cuddle!  He wakes us doing that, but not intentionally.  I usually only have to actively settle him, but cuddling back and shhing him once per ngiht now, so not too bad. And since we still get up to zara that often, I am not expecting much more tbh.

[yaya]

what feeding issues sweetie?

[rinajack]

Solids feeding issues, related to his reflux.  Because he refused to eat at all, including purees, for so long, he is actually behind in his eating development by about 3 months. He is improving definitely, but he hasn't caught up to his age yet iykwim.

[**Clare**]

Don't fret Michelle, you are both doing so great, you should be very proud

I trained an extremely tough cookie who was rocked to sleep for naps and bedtime and woke up to 5 times a night up until 11 months old.  I then found this site and got the information and support I needed to start and we did PD as he was pulling to stand.

Right or wrong I did let him cry and scream, I was there 100% of the time and I used my voice with no luck.  I used my hand so when he started to calm down Id put my hand on his back, when he started up again Id take it away, sometimes he'd get worse when I put my hand on him in temper but I persevered because I wanted to show him that that is how it worked!

He was especially bad on night one and he did cry/scream on and off for 1hr 45 mins and ended up crying himself to sleep and he also did this on night 3 I think (Sorry I cant remember ) which was when he regressed, I just carried on right on through the regression and the next night he went off perfectly with no help.

He definately slept better when he put himself to sleep too!! Even now if I'm there when he falls asleep he wakes in the night looking for me!!

You are doing fantastic hun, keep it up, and well done Emily!!!!

[hattie]

I don't know if this is helpful but over the last month I have suddenly started to have probs with DS sleep which I assumed to be 2-1 nap transition issues and whilst I do think that is playing a part I had an epiphany a few nights ago at bedtime. 
basically i had been facing at least 45 mins of hysterical tears and crazy up and down stressful bedtime behaviour for the last few weeks on most nights because after his bottle I would put him straight in bed really drowsy (as I always have) and then leave and suddenly that was just not giong to work - he would rouse himself want to chat want to read pointing all around the room at things we really HAD to look at and then meltdown if I made for the door.  this would repeat as I returned to the cot to try to calm etc until he would get so upset I would take him out of the room to calm down (in front of the tv)  feeling like a total failure and totally being controlled by him and then try the whole process again five mins later.

I have really low tolerance for his crying not because it is loud but because it just sounds so painful he sort of cough choke cries and really scratches his throat up in the process.  Anyway I had been removing him from the cot and taking him out of the room to sit quietly to calm down with me as I say but I was sure this would lead to some awful AP consequences down the line so was desperate to stop. 

It was clear to me from daytime behaviour as it is for you and Emily that he needs lots of physical reassurance from me at the moment (SA is full on with him) and so I made a point of giving an extra long heartfelt cuddle (about 5 mins) in the dark after the bottle the other night until I could feel that he was really relaxed and hey presto I laid him down and he went off to sleep!

Now this is only a few nights and naps we are talking here!!! but such a big change from his recent nighttime (and nap) behaviour that I am really thinking that maybe he just needs those extra cuddles....maybe I was just rushing him to bed? I feel like I have some control back  because before I really felt that he was running the show and I was just reacting.  I will let you know how tonight goes.  could such a simple thing be a help to you too?  I dunno but wanted to share in case it might help. 

[rinajack]

Michelle - I know how you feel about the crying even when you are in the room, but Hugh did it to me for 2.5 hrs at every wakeup the 1st night we dropped the night feeding.  It was full on and heart breaking, and NOTHING I did calmed him down at all.  And he still loves me

[Vicku]

Hi Michelle!
I'm back and just wanted to check in on how you're getting on now?

[yaya]

well last night was ok, she woke at 1sh and it took about 3 wi's to get her off again till 7. I am still dealing with a lot of crying unless I have hand on back so think I still need to gather strength before I sort that out and moveonto the next phase

[Vicku]

 You've done great I think. One step at a time. As you said she's been rocked for a long time, so a little time to adjust to less help sounds fine to me. Hopefully things will continue to improve and she will be a totally independent sleeper in a matter of weeks. Well done hun!

[yaya]

OMG i am exhasuted....what a night! After 3 nights waking only once and 1 STTN, last night was dreadful, absolutely no idea what was wrong, tried calpol too but didn't do anything.....
We are stuck at hand on back and I fear now I will not have the energy to try to 'remove' it

[M and N's Mom]

Sorry last night was so awful!.  You have been doing so well.  You have to remember that she has relied on you for sleep for 14 months.  You have only been retraining her a few days.  It is not going to happen that fast.  Her crying is saying "WTF are you doing?  This isn't how we go to sleep Mum!  You rock me, or at least put your hand on my back, that's how this works.  What are you doing?"  I know you don't like the crying, no one does, but she isn't telling you she hates you or doesn't love you, she just isn't happy with the situation.

Don't give up.  You are doing so well, and have put in so much effort, and have had some great success it would be a shame to lose that!  You can do it!!

 

[KellyC]

Sorry you had a rubbish night Michelle - {hugs} and energy vibes for today!  Please remember, most babies have the odd rubbish night even when they sleep through every other night.  Just keep being consistent (and stop stressing about moving your hand away, take it at whatever pace suits you both!) and you'll have many more good nights.

Kelly x