Just need a bit of support

[anna*]

Under pressure to do controlled crying from DH... Stan can cry for literally two hours plus. If I get him out of bed and hold him on my shoulder he will calm down instantly, but the minute I lay him down in his cot again he screams hysterically. Half the time he sleeps through the night with no problems, so I have no idea what wakes him or why he cannot or will not settle again. This has been going on for weeks. Sometimes he will get very close to settling and I feel like he is going to go to sleep but I can't leave the room. He will be quite calm but turning around to check that I am still there and I don't know if I should just stay for ages or leave and start again when he starts crying or what. He's over 26lbs now and I really can't pick him up more than a few times (it used to be that picking him up would overstimulate him).

I'm going back to work in two weeks, so won't be able to catch up on lost sleep during the day. DH says that if I want him to help, he's not going to participate in just sitting with Stan while he screams.

It's so frustrating and upsetting! I don't know what to do and feel so inconsistent and bewildered by this.

Stan is nearly 10 months old.

anna
x

[anna*]

As I lay trying to get back to sleep last night I was wondering if maybe Stan is getting too much daytime sleep? He's still having 3 hours - which maybe is a lot for this age? His routine is like this:
E/A: 7
S: 10
E/A: 11.30
S: 2.30
E/A: 4
bed: 7

Do you think I should try gradually shortening the 10am nap until it's maybe 45 mins, and brining the afternoon nap forward to 2? I'm pretty sure he can manage 3.5 hrs A time before bed.

anna
x

[enna77]

Hey Anna - I would definitely try your suggestion with the naps - even just getting it down to 2.5 total you may notice a difference.

I have a post going under toddler sleep but we are having kind of similar issues although NWIng probably doesn't last as long as you. My DD prob STTN about 30% of the time and sometimes I wonder if its teething or...or....or who knows?! So we've decided no picking up - we are doing WI/WO. My DH did it last night and I did have to force him to go in a few times, in 40 mins he prob only went in about 4 times. Its my turn tonight and I'm scared!

Anyway just wanted to offer support. Have you thought of doing GW with your presence in the room? could be another option to consider.

Like you I'm going back to work in a few weeks and I'm determined now we have started this to see it through - shes nearly one and I just feel like I need to rule out any potential props to try and get more consistent STTN. Although I was balling my eyes out at the same time as her the other night - its definitely not easy but hopefully worth it.

Sounds to me like hes started to rely on you being in there a bit   

[anna*]

Thanks for the reply Enna. It's so hard. Lots of the time he will be calm or shouting or mantra crying but if I so much as move an inch from the side of his crib he will start sobbing and sobbing. It's also difficult because, like you, he doesn't wake every night so I feel as though every time he wakes we are starting again from scratch. Everything is so variable and 'shades of grey' and in the middle of the night I really wish there were some concrete rules I could follow, like PUPD or Shh-pat. You know? Maybe I should try WI WO at least it seems as though that is understandable. It was hard when he was younger but easier in another way because it was less ambiguous.

Hope your nights are getting better.

anna
x

[enna77]

<Hugs> Anna - so know what you mean, we have got two STTN the last two nights which is great but I also kind of feel like it is just delaying the inevitable. I think you might need to look at GW for your presence. Maybe have a read of my post under Toddler Sleep because one of the mods talks about how to gradually withdrawl your presence. I think it takes a while but will be worth it in the end.