Baby never sleeps I am scared to start pu pd

[shashasharon]

I have read most of "how to solve all your problems" up and down, I have lots of information however I don't know where to start. My baby does not sleep. WHen he was born he had a tongue tie which wasn't rectified until he was 2 months. No medical practioner thought it was severe enough to cut. Baby never gained weight in fact he lost weight daily. His latch looked good he did all the motions however he did not get enough food. Lactation experts tried to encourage me to continue breast feeding and not to let him sleep because he was too little they always wanted him eating. I was encouraged to leave him in just a diaper and feed him skin to skin. wake him every hour to feed etc etc. Everything we were told/taught and practiced was not ambulatory to teaching an infant to sleep. Now baby never sleeps. NEver. My neice lent me tracy's book about a week ago. WE have slowly started EASY in the day. Finally my baby is taking naps and I am so happy for the hands free that I am too excited to sleep or do anything I just sit and my brain works over time about how I wish this had happened sooner. We are taking it slow as we had one bad week a month ago of crying it out. I am so hesitant to make baby feel insecure that I cannot put him in the crib. I know I have to do it, I am on information overload. I read so much I don''t know where to start. P/U P/D the 4 s"S. WHere do I start. At night he is a terror. I swaddle him and get him to sleep nicely (not on my boob), and trust I am so happy about that as well, inevitably he is up at 1 or so, but he doesn't cry. He sits up he throws his head he thrashes around, he kicks me and so on. I don't know what to do or how to help him. I am afraid to put him in the crib any suggestions

[yaya]

Hello!!!
welcome, could you write out your routine for me and describe how you get your LO to sleep?
Thanks :-)

[shashasharon]

Hi there Michelle, thanks for responding so quickly. Only since we started reading the baby whisperer did I get a routine in the day. I used to just get him to sleep for an hour or so in the car or the stroller, at home he always woke up after 30 minutes. I am not really following any of tracy's suggestions other than offering him a routine and trying to get him down without my boob. He will nap in the am 1030 or so until at least 1230 or 1. HE usually naps again at 4 for an hour or 2 and at night we never know what will happen. I try to let him play and have fun with his brothers after supper. There always comes a time when he gets on my boob. He will play again and then we change him or bathe him, swaddle him and give him a paci and he will usually get to slepp around 930. He is often up at 1130 or so and often has a full feed. then he will get up at 1 , suck for a few minutes 2, 3 , 4, 5 o clock is e real feeding then 6 is just a little nibble and 730 - 800 is a real feed. I don't remember everyhting as I sleep walk most days.

[yaya]

hiya!
Can't find from your post how old LO is??
 I can see you are making huge efforts..hang in there..it will get better.
It's important that you make sure LO isnt getting overtired and there are a few things you can do to help that, notably sticking to a routine which is appropriate to his age and trying to extend naps....(see naps board FAqs for tip)..
Other than that, making the cot/sleep association is important as is teachign Lo to fall asleep independently so that when he wakes early from a nap or at night time he is able to put himself back to sleep...

[shashasharon]

He is 9 months this week will keep trying

[yaya]

hmmm ok, so I would aim to get him on two solid naps, the first as close to his wakeup as possible and for maz 45-1hr then the next after 4 hrs A time max and for as long as he likes. In the mean time you can start doing some gradual withdrawal....depending on what you do to get him tto sleep, you gradually reduce the amount of 'help' you give him...it's gentler than pu/pd if ur feeling too scared

[shashasharon]

Thank you

[shashasharon]

I also forgot to mention when he gets up in the night its awful he kicks and rolls his head around and sits up and crys and generally acts like he is all alone and wanting soothing from someone but I am right there and can't seem to help him. HELP

[yaya]

It's hard to watch them try to settle, I always found it really tough too but you ARE there, he isn't alone so dont feel bad, he's just super tired and trying to soothe himself. How long does that squirming abotu last and does he eventually go to sleep on his own? If you are really having a hard time with that try the 'hand on back' option where u keep your hand on his back to reassure him ( Killer for your back btw be prepared!) untill he goes to sleep then try to remove when he is calm then no hand on back (GW again)

[shashasharon]

The squirming can go on for 20 minutes to 40 minutes, but the last few nights when he starts his fitting I reinforce his swaddle (most nights too tired to fight him) and held him quietly like it was the start of the evening and eventually he stops and I can get him down for another 2 hours or so, and this believe it or not is success because he used to be up every hour. I am actually feeling like I am sleeping for 2 or 3 hours at a time and I'm dead tired because before I just lived on 40 minutes restless sleeps now my body is finally ready for a full night. EVery night seems to get better and today I was going to write out an actual PLAN of attack because im just wiped. I am reading his signs better and making lots of concessions to get this guy sleeping. (we have 2 older ones so its a bit hard sometimes). Like baby naps at 3 the bus comes at 340. I used to get him up like a rocket dress him and rush to the bus stop, now I told the kids if you don't see me, just get off and walk home i'll be waiting on the balcony or the sidewalk. I have really had to explain to the guys about o/s and night time and sleep etc etc. today I feel hopeful tomorrow I may be a mess again. ;-)

[yaya]

Sounds great!!! Keep up the great work

[shashasharon]

so no further ahead. Baby is a hard nut to crack I think I have tried every Tracy suggestion. I have bags, I have acne, I feel awful. I want to give up, but give up what not sleeping. If he is in the crib he doesn't sleep if he is bed he doesn't sleep. I actually slept on the floor with him a few nights ago to wake up to him playing and crawling. I did cio with my 2 older sons and I did a gentle version I think I checked on them and held them every 2 minutes. We tried that with baby to no avail but we may have to try again. I am beside myself. Unhealthy and feeling just awful arrgghh!

[yaya]

Oh sweetheart, massive hugs to you. I have been there too, my DD never slept longer than 20 min till she was 11 mos and I totally know how you feel.
Remind me what stage your at now; what's your EASY routine like?
How is he going to sleep?
How often is he waking and what are you doing at the wakeups?
I slept on a mattress on the floor in DS' room for wuite some time as I really didn't want to PU as he was TERRIBLE tpo put down so I used to lean into the cot and rub back/pat/ Shhh etc till he went to sleep then I didn't have that awful 'argh how do I put him down now'!
IS he teething at all?

[shashasharon]

We do 2 to 3 naps a day.
In the morning approx 9:30 10:00 he'll go until 11:30 or so.
HE goes on my boob for a bit when he wakes, he plays he has lunch, he plays, then he goes down at about 3 3:30 for an hour or more.
HE sometimes takes a nap at about 7pm and then I start to put him down at 9pm.
Thats about as tight as the routine gets as  am exhausted from the nights. Like I said night time he is a bit frantic.When I put him down for nap I had been swaddling him and doing shush pat. HE is often frantic at nap he is just so overtired that I wrap him up tight and he dozes off eventually. I have been moderately succesful with that (our naps really only got this strustured about 6 weeks ago). At night when I see the signs I get him on my boob for the last feed and I talk with him to keep him awake. I usually hug him for a while after that and gently place him in the crib. He looks at me or his teddy bears on the bumper and he will fall asleep no problem its keeping him asleep. He'll get up at 11 and then 2 and then 330 and then 4 and then 5 and then 6 and then he'll finally sleep from 6 til I get him up which of course I must because I got to get the guys off to school. I can always get him back to sleep by standing at the crib and patting him but at 2, 3, 4 its exhausting. If I bring him in my bed he kicks and fidgets and throws himself around so he clearly does not want to be in my bed, but I am so tired of going to him every hour. Like I said I give up, but give up on what. NOt sleeping. WHen I put him in the crib its no big deal he'll turn around I'll pat him he's out heavy breathing and all, but it doesnt take. ANy suggestions 

[choffmann]

I am no expert but i think putting him to bed at 9pm is making him overtired and therefore you get the multiple nightwakings. You want to aim for a 12 hr day/night.....so if you start the day at 7am lets say, then he should be in bed for the night as close to 7pm as possible.

Christy