update and bedtime solution for 23 month old

[maggiesmommy]

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about my daughter's sleep issues.  I was trying to teach her to fall asleep on her own and she ended up singing, laughing, talking for two hours every night!  Her naps went to 40 mins during the day 'suddenly', after being a very consistent 1.5 - 2.5 hours.  Not cranky during day, not fussy or crying when put down, just not sleeping.

I wrote asking for suggestions for helping an older touchy child get to sleep.  I got some terrific suggestions, so thanks again for that!!  I ended up with a blended solution that I thought I would share, since she now goes down after about 20 minutes.

My dd comes to work with me, so our days are often unpredictable and she is on her best behaviour all day long.  Naps are consistently 1.5 - 2.5 hours (she's 23 months old now), but nap time varies a lot mostly because of me.  She wakes after 10-10.5 hours, regardless of bedtime.

Someone suggested that maybe by the end of the day she'd done all the adapting that she could and that's why she was having trouble settling at night.  I think that was right on the mark.

We did have a bedtime routine, but it was not exact-exact every night.  So the first thing I did was institute an exact routine - 2 books, kiss, two short stories in bed, one chorus of Twinkle Twinkle and that's it.

I also had a suggestion that she might need help to process her day.  Never thought of that one!  I started out doing this before the books, but it got to be long, so now we talk about different parts of the day as we get ready for bed.  By the time jammies are on and we're in the room, we've talked all about the day.  Parallel-processing (hee!) was a definite time-saver.

The last thing I did was I made her crib into a cozy little nest.  I have always noticed that she naps better when we're at work.  Her crib in the crib room at work is smaller and the room itself only 5' x 5.5'  Her crib at home is standard, 54" x 30" or whatever. 

I thought about Tracy's suggestions for a touchy baby, recreating a womb-like atmosphere, so I thought I would try it now.  It's also kind of a feng sui solution - too much yang during the day, needs a little more yin to fall asleep.  My house is very open plan (very yang).

I tucked a micro suede blanket (faux suede, very soft) down around her mattress, which she instantly loved.  I also stuck in a section of my sheepskin rug, big enough for about half her crib.  I trimmed down the fur so it isn't so long, but still very cozy and smells like mommy.  Last, she gets a small (maybe 6" x 6") accent pillow that is faux suede on one side and fleecy on the other.  She's also started asking for a blanket rolled up alongside her.   Just like I used to do when I bolstered rolled up towels around her as an infant.

She looks like a little caterpillar in its cocoon, but she loves it!  She was really stuffy the other night and I offered to hold her while she fell asleep.  After about 5 minutes, she asked for her crib.  This is a child that slept in my bed for a year and who has ALWAYS preferred being held to anything else.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this will help anyone else, but I am sure that Maggie needed a smaller, safer environment in which to sleep, along with help processing her day and a very predictable bedtime routine to counter a very unpredictable daytime schedule.  I know two-year molars are coming, so I hope this helps us through!

Thanks again -

Connie

[Theo'smom]

This so wonderful to read!  I'm so happy for you.  And thank you for sharing your story, so many great suggestions for other moms out there.

Boy, reading this makes ME feel relaxed and cozy, too.   :lol:

And I wanted to say I think it's really neat that she comes to work with you and is so comfortable there.

[susana alves]

Hello,
I'm writing from Portugal, I have a 2 year old son and he's driving me nuts for the past 4 months! He usually takes a 2 hours nap a day , right after lunch and he used to fall asleep by himself in his bed, but for the past 4 months he just cries a lot and I always have to drive around the city until he is asleep.  It is the same at night, I usually give him some milk in my bed and wait until he is asleep, then I move him to his own bedroom. The problem is that takes me almost 2 hours at night and I never have the time to be with my husband or do the house keeping. So I would like to know if it is possible if you could teach me how to put him in his bed again so he can fall asleep alone without crying so much. Once, I just did an experience and waited if he could sleep alone, and he just stodd there and cried for an hour!!! There's also a problem: he always wants me for everything!!!! My husband tries to participate but after the baby starts crying for me all the time. What should I do? I'm desperate.
My email is susana_alves@iol.pt
Can you email me back or should I come to this site to see the answer?

[Anonymous]

I was checking out the message board a couple of weeks ago desparate for an answer to Jack's sleep-or rather Non-sleep issues.
Well, since I could relate to so many moms that were telling the same story, I thought I would share what worked for us.
First off, the problem was that every night we had a routine of pj's brushing teeth, and 2-3 stories, and cuddling in the rocking chair and then getting into bed. We just switched him to a toddler bed about 2 months ago. He would fall asleep on his own, although he would come into our room a couple of times during the night and I'd walk him back to his room and then that habit seemed to just stop.
So far, no problems, pretty easy transition from crib to bed, but then...
Jack started to really hate going to bed, the bedtime routine began getting longer-more stories, longer cuddles in the rocking chair, then he didn't even want to get in his bed. So then I took some of Dr. Phil's advise I had seen on a mother who had this problem. He suggested that she just sit in the room until he falls asleep, but not to rub his back or prolong by reading stories. He also said to be occupied with something like reading a book, knitting or whatever so that your child sees your busy and and not doing anything that's fun-to him- and he'll fall asleep eventually, and as time goes on you will need to sit in there for less and less time.
Well, it worked! I would sit and read my Oprah magazine, and actually enjoyed a little quiet time. That lasted about 3 weeks.
So then, again with some Dr. Phil advice, there was another parenting show I had watched where a mother was having problems getting her kids to bed at a decent hour. He said kids don't want to miss out on what's going on after they go to bed. Now, I knew that already! But what am I supposed to do go to bed at 8:00 also? Well he made the suggestion that you need to have at least 30 minutes of "wind-down" time.
Oh My God-it really worked!!! Here's what we do:
Jack loves to watch "spongebob", so it's on at 7:30, and he and his dad watch the show.
At 8:00, the tv goes off, I don't care what "must-see" show is on, it's time to wind down! I put on Norah Jones, or some other soft music, and Jack and I read a bunch of books or he plays quietly with puzzles, he can color.  It really doesn't matter as long as he's not running around. He did the first couple times, but I let him get it out of his system and I would get some books and we read on the couch. He has really taken very well to this addition to the bedtime routine. After about 20-30 minutes, we put on pj's and brush his teeth, 2-3 stories, and then sometimes he hops off my lap and says "bed"!!! He actually wants to go to bed on his own! I will sit next to bed for about 10 min and he's asleep-it used to be about 45 min when we first started, but now that we've been doing this for about 3 weeks, he falls asleep faster.
Plus, he rarely comes running into our room during the night!
Anyway, hope this helps another tired mom out there! I know it's a LONG story, but there it is!!!
Deb 

[scalise]

My 2+ year old son wakes every 2-3 hours during the night.  He comes into our room crying and pulls me out of bed.  The only way to get him back to sleep is to sleep in bed with him. I have tried leaving his bed after he falls asleep, but he always manages to wake up (usually within 10 minutes) and realize I'm not there; which starts the cycle over again of crying and coming into our room... HELP!!!

[mumofone]

Connie

I found your post very encouraging.  I am in a similar situation with ds, he is 21 months old and likes to go to sleep on my lap and ends up in the bed during the night.  The last few nights he has been sleeping through - not sure what happened, but not complaining. 

I really like the idea of processing our day, especially as he is more difficult to settle if we have had a busy day visiting, or friends round to play.  We have been trying to keep his bedtime routine more settled and predictable and from what you have said I think that should help. 
I also like the idea of making his cot more cosy.  He has quite a small bedroom, but his cot is a large one.  Not sure if it is too soon to move to a 'big boy' bed, may make him worse.

All the best to you and thanks for sharing the advice.
Ruth