Author Topic: Need help with 28mo old who has forgotten how to sooth himself  (Read 723 times)

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Offline hdgmom

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Need help with 28mo old who has forgotten how to sooth himself
« on: December 03, 2008, 00:06:33 am »
About 5 weeks ago our 28 mo old son saw a cartoon (Curious George) about scary shadows in the bedroom and ever since he has "forgotten" how to sooth himself and go to sleep on his own. He was sleeping great on his own, putting himself to sleep with no problems by playing with his animals or just talking to himself then drifting off to sleep and he had no trouble sleeping through the night and usually woke at 8am. But ever since the scary cartoon he no longer plays in his crib at nap time or at bed time instead he cries if we leave the room and he cries the second he wakes up in the night, which can be up to 5 times in a night.  We have spent time during the day playing in his crib to show him that his crib is a fun place but he still can't fall asleep unless we are in the room. So we have gone back to sitting by his door or laying on his floor until he falls asleep. When he wakes in the night I have been sleeping on his floor because I don't want him to wake up the baby who is 8mo old and sleeps just fine unless she is woken up. We have been doing this for the past 5 weeks but he doesn't seem to be more comfortable in his crib. Three days ago I started waiting for 3 minutes then leaving and going back in when he cries to try to get him back to putting himself to sleep. Eventually he will fall asleep during the 3 minutes I am in his room. This is the method I used when he was 10 mo old to teach him to go to sleep on his own which worked back then. He has always liked his crib and has never tried to climb out. I don't think he is ready to do wi/wo. I have an 8 mo old who also needs my attention so I can't spend 1 or 2 hours putting him to sleep so I chose to do the gradual removal method since it worked when he was a baby. Should i stop sleeping on the floor in his room when he wakes in the night and just sit by his door? Should we try transitioniong him to a big boy bed right now or should we wait until he is sleeping on his own without any problems? Should I continue to do the 3 mintue wait then leave and return or should I do something different to help him fall asleep on his and get me out of his room. We welcome any and all advise. Please help us get our little boy back on track.

Offline becky1969

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Re: Need help with 28mo old who has forgotten how to sooth himself
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2008, 04:48:22 am »
Oh boy, this is a toughie!  I'll give a few suggestions and hope some other moms will bust in with some life-saving ideas too!  :)

I'd do a 2-pronged approach, if it were me.  I'd do gradual withdrawal to get you out of the room.  I'd also use some psychological/behavioral stuff at the same time.  So, you could give him a flashlight to use when he gets scared at night.  He's old enough to use one.  You could get a 'special' nightlight for him that is an 'anti-shadow' light: no bad shadows will come in ther oom when that light is on, only 'good' shadows (b/c obviously there will still be shadows visible!).  You could get a water bottle and every night before bed spray it around to get rid of the 'scary' shadows.  You could see if you could find any story books about shadows and how fun or neat they are.  You could make shadow puppets together using your hands during the day, in a fun tent/fort you make in the living room.  In other words, let's help him feel powerful against the scary thing and also de-scarify it by reading about it or making shadows using your hands.  At this age, they'll believe anything you say, so if you tell him his night light chases away 'bad' shadows, he'll believe you!  If you tell him that the spray bottle eliminates bad shadows, he'll believe you!

This age is tough because fears are very real and can come from nowhere!  All you can do is help him feel powerful and able to confront his fears.  You shouldn't deny the fear, though.  So, I wouldn't say "There's nothing to be afraid of!" or "don't be afraid of shadows".  He *is* afraid, and so give him ways to beat those shadows!  ;D
Owen, 12/28/05 7 lb 2 oz

Enjoying the toddler years!

Offline hdgmom

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Re: Need help with 28mo old who has forgotten how to sooth himself
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2008, 22:14:58 pm »
Thanks for the advise, we had given him a flashlight and we have been playing with shadow puppets long before this situation. So we will continue to reinforce the fun we can have with shadows etc. Hopefully he will get back to putting himself to sleep soon. If you think of anything else I'd be gratefull.

Offline stoney1

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Re: Need help with 28mo old who has forgotten how to sooth himself
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2008, 19:24:10 pm »
Hi I've just been trawling through these boards looking for some help and see many similarities with our situations.  My son is 28 months and over the past couple of months has also lost the art of soothing himself to sleep.  I don't know if this is because we have had a new baby but the first few weeks we had him our son slept fine and then this started to happen.  Now we have tantrums before bed so bad that i'm sure the neighbours are wondering what we are doing to him.  We have managed to calm him down enough to get to sleep if i stand by his door until he is asleep, although i do tell him that i will leave the room when he is asleep so as not to give him false assurances.  Having a small baby though makes this very difficult.  And he also has been waking at around midnight and then sleeping with us - something we have never allowed until now, but with night feeds for the new baby i really feel i havent got the energy to be up with two children in the night without losing my sanity.  We have tried music, night lights, wi/wo (but he was so hysterical he actually hurt himself on the stair gate before i could get upstairs to him). We have tried being very firm with him and standing our ground but really start to lose our tempers when he hits and screams for no apparent reason - even when we are in his room with him.  I really don't know what to do so would be very grateful if you find anything that works for you and let me know.  Thanks   :)