hard time getting 3yo to sleep at night

[SylvieA]

We've had this battle for a little while now and we have no clue how to fix it. On most night it takes him 1-1 1/2hr to fall asleep. We tried eliminating his naps but created another problem with NW and night terrors and he still had a hard time going to sleep. He seems to be anxious and wants us to stay in his room with him. We'll stay in for a bit to read his book and cuddle a bit but he will not let us go without getting into a cry or screaming. We have his light on dimmer so it's not dark. Anyone been going through anything like this and what to do to solve. His nap is usually around 1hr and some days as long as 2hrs. The length of his nap depends on how much he slept the night before. He has an 11hrs night. I don't know what to add. TIA We really need to have him go to sleep without our help, and without us goin in and out of his room.

[james030405]

Sylvie,

Sorry you are having troubles.  My DS is 3.5yrs (he will be 4 in April) and for the past 2 weeks has been going through the same thing.  He has wanted me to lay down with him when he goes to sleep and he has also been waking 1-2 times a night, coming into me and asking me to go lie down with him.  When he is asleep, I leave and then he asks in the morning why I didn't sleep with him?  I am  not sure, other than a phase, what is happening.  He has always been a bad sleeper, mainly with early wakings, but very rarely has he had NW's.  I too, am at a loss as to why this is happening.  I am just wondering if it is because we have a lot going on at the moment and we are talking alot more about things.  Nothing major to us, but to a 3.5yr old, they may seem huge.  He is starting pre-prep (kindy) next year, plus Christmas, both mine and DH's birthdays coming up and we are seeing the Wiggles in concert.  Also my brother is coming down for a week or so.  I am wondring if his little brain is trying to work all these things out and he is having a hard time processing it in the middle of the night.  Do you have any changes/events happening? I wonder if this is what it is. 

Sorry I cannot give you any answers. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  I am just trying to be patient (very tiring though ) and hopefully it will work itself out.  Let me know if you come up with anything

xLisa

[SylvieA]

Thanks Stacy & Lisa, he wakes at 7or730, nap start between 1230-1 and sleeps til between 130-2. Very rare will he sleep later than 2. We try to have him in bed by 8 for him to sleep at 830. We always do a book and cuddles before bed but he has taken it to far and asking us to stay. Especially DH. We have a very determined little guy here and will not stop, he'll keep screaming, banging on walls and constantly saying daddy/mommy come here, sleep with me. This goes on for an hr most nights. And he is clearly tired with rubbing eyes and by that point gets fidgity. Funny how, when I'm alone at home with him, this doesn't go on as much, falls asleep well for naps and if DH has things to do at night Miguels goes to sleep (almost)without fightThis was going on even before DD came along so I don't think its due to a change. We just want to be able to rest before we go to sleep ourselves.

[lovinmom]

I read your comments and just had to join.  I recently have been through my own experiences of sleep training with my 3 year old and I have had success.  Not with out a lot of tears (from the both of us)!

My method was to do normal bed time routine i.e. have his milk and ready stories.  After that I tuck him in, give he a kiss and say good-night and leave the room.  I started out by leaving his door open and hallway light on.  The first time he got out of bed and came down stairs, I picked him up and told him it was bed time, that I loved him and tucked him in and left.  Each time after that (and the first night there were a lot of times) that he got out of bed and came downstairs, I just picked him up and put him back in to bed.  The key here is to not say a word to them.  By not talking to him he slowly realized that he was not getting a reaction out of me.  The first round of sleep training it took about 2 long nights and then he was going to sleep by himself. 

Now I was never the type of mom who could leave their baby to cry but I had reached my limit. 

Our first round looked something like this:

First night:  about 2-2.5 hours of picking him up and putting him back in bed.  With this was a lot of crying and calling out for mom and dad.  He actually got desperate and called out for Grandma!

2nd night - only about 30 mins. till he fell asleep.

3rd night - no crying but he started to get out of bed and kept insisting we change him b/c he had peed.

After that we were on a good streak and he was going to be by himself.

The bad news is that a couple of weeks later, he stayed at Grandma's house which through us of schedule.  The good news is that when we made the decision to go back to sleep train it only took one night (a very long night) but he has been going strong ever since.

My only advice is if you decide to give this a try you and your partner have to agree to stay strong.  It is really hard to not speak to them/comfort them especially when they get so upset.  But if you can do it, it is totally worth it.  I have my nights back and now I have some me time and time to spend with my hubby too!

[SylvieA]

lovinmom, Welcome to the boards and thanks for sharing. I'm gonna give this a try. I can see how it would work.

[SylvieA]

Well, going to bed is fine now. But on occasion he wakes at night. Last night was the worst. He would not go back to sleep for 2hrs. He begged and screamed for DH to lie down with him but we don't want to start that. Finally I was able to calm him down enough to be able to talk to him and he went to sleep. He wakes every time we have high winds or hard rain. It stresses him out and I think this is why he wakes up like that. He is a very strong willed LO. He will just not let go. I think I might try other boards to figure out what's going on.