2yo getting up 9-10 times when put to bed - can't cope any more

[hmw]

Please help?

My 2 year old just won't stay in bed.  Every night I put him to bed and he happily goes.  We read a book and I say good night.  I leave the room and it then starts.  He just gets up out of bed.  I've tried everything.  I've done wi/wo, controlled crying, taking his sleep bunny away I even got to the stage of giving him a smack last night as I was just desperate.  It's awful and I just dread bed time.  He thinks it's hilarious, even when I don't speak to him and just pick him up and put him back into bed.  I have a 3 year old too and have tried putting them in the same room, putting them to bed at the same time.  Nothing has worked.  Well, the only thing that does is if I stay in the room and hold his hand.  It's been going on for about 4 months and although I had a break of about 2 weeks when he was ok (nothing changed in his routine or life during that time) it just went back to normal.   It makes no difference if I don't let him sleep during to day,or if I vary the amount of sleep he has. 

The thing is, it's destroying me.  I spend my whole evening either really cross or just moody because ultimately most nights he cries himself to sleep because I've done something horrible to him in order to get him to stay in bed.

He's lovely during the day and everyone adores him because he's such a happy easy child.  He is a bit slow with his teeth and only has the four top, four bottom and four molars but apart from that is a normal child.

Can anyone offer any advice?  I'm willing to listen or try anything!

[lilmonkey]

What is his day like?  Does he nap?  How long?  What time is bedtime?  Sometimes the day needs some tweaking and bedtime can be better.

[hmw]

It doesn't seem to matter what happens in the day.  I tried him not sleeping at all but that didn't help.  I tried just letting him have an hour, then let him sleep as long as he wanted.  Nothing made any difference.  It also doesn't matter what time he sleeps.  He sometimes falls asleep around 11ish (if we're in the car) or he can sleep just after lunch or in the afternoon but that doesn't seem to make any difference either. 

He generally goes to bed between 7.30pm and 8pm

[lilmonkey]

I would try to get him to take a nap say about 6 hrs after wakeup in the morning and then don't let him nap past 3 pm if you want a 7:30-8 pm bedtime.  Then do a long consistent wind down routine.  If the handing hands worked last time, you can still do it but gradually distance yourself from him until you are out the door.  How slow or how fast you do it will be determine how your ds adapt to the new way of going to sleep.  It is a long process so be prepare.  Or you can do WI/WO where you basically bring him back to bed and leave.  Rinse and repeat.  Since your ds is sharing a room this may disrupt your other ds.  Be consistent and he will get it. 

HTH

[hdgmom]

You could also try putting up a kid gate across his doorway, that way he can get out of bed if he wants to and see everything but can't get to you. I wouldn't lock the door. If he cries you need to go to him but then tell him that you will stay for 5 min then leave and he will go to sleep. If he cries when you walk out the door, go back in and stay another 5 min then leave again. Repeat as needed until he falls asleep. Doing a 5 min wait then leave is another way to do a gradual removal. You start by sitting next to the bed than after a week you move further way and closer to the door. Each week or so depending on how he responds you can move closer to the door then when you are at the door you reduce the time you will sit to 3 min then 1 min then 0 min. This process could take 2 months or so but I have found that this process is not as exhausting and frustrating as physically getting up and putting the child into bed since the child usually falls asleep during one of the 5 min sessions. Since he thinks it is funny when you put him back to bed this might be a way to keep him in bed in the first place. If he is falling sleep at around 11 am that seems to indicate that he is overtired, what time is he getting up in the morning? I do agree with the other poster who suggested getting him down for his nap after being awake for 6 hours because he might be overtired and stimutaled at bedtime which is why he can't settle down to sleep.

[Rach03]

Okay...  your toddler sounds exactly like mine. My DS is doing the EXACT same thing!!! ARG! So frustrating! Did the gate across the door... worked PERFECTLY....that is for one month... he was doinng 5 am wake ups too. Anyway, after about 3-4 weeks, DS realized he could simply climb the gate. Things are actually now WAY WORSE after using the gate, though it worked beautifully for a short time. DH is actually in there with him right now laying with him til he falls asleep. For a few days, i was getting him down by snuggling, then telling him I'd be right back... leaving longer intervals, then going back and eventually he'd be asleep.

I can totally sympathize... to get him down for his nap today, we slept in my bed and I too had to give him a little tap and get angry with him.... then he went to sleep?!

I have a 10 week old too which makes things harder. ARG! It is so frustrating... kinda realizing its going to be one of those things that just need ride out... by the time I figure out how to fix it... we will be on another phase... I dunno?? I will prob. need to put a lock on door.....so don't want to... but I am out of options and I can't police upstairs everytime I put him down.