Need help getting DD to self-feed finger foods

[Emma-Rose's mom]

I really don't know what to do about DD's eating habits, and I need some hints and suggestions. I can't get DD to self feed at all. She's fine on purees (thank goodness she's not refusing the spoon anymore, because she was doing that for a while, too). But, she refuses lumpy purees altogether. The lumpy puree refusal doesn't bother me so much because she's fine with finger foods as long as I feed them to her. But, the problem is that she won't pick up anything on her own.  I don't know how to transition her from her blended foods to feeding herself. I tried to get her to hold a strip of waffle, a french fry, a piece of toast, a piece of chicken, etc. (All of these things she eats if I give them to her.) She acts like she's afraid of them, and pulls her hand away. It's weird because she finds the oddest, littlest pieces of junk off the floor and doesn't shy away from picking those things up and putting them in her mouth!!  The same behavior can also be seen when she takes her bottle. She drinks from her bottle if I hold the bottle for her, but refuses to hold her bottle on her own. So transitioning to a sippy cup has been impossible, since she refuses to pick up the cup herself, too.

She does pick up cheerios on her own. (Strange). I tried to mix her cheerios with other items...peas, corn, pieces of chicken. She picks through all her cheerios and leaves the rest. What's up with that? But, if I pick up the chicken and things off her plate and put them in her mouth, she eats them.

I figure all parents go through this period with their los. All kids eventually "get it". Obviously I don't see toddlers eating purees still! But how did you all do it? Any ideas? Anyway, I'm lost and I don't know what to do. My DD is almost 1-year old, and she can't keep eating purees forever! And it would be nice if she would eat off of her own plate on her own. I don't mind helping her from time to time, but this is bordering on rediculous. Any hints and suggestions would really be helpful! She also goes to daycare, and it would be easier on all of us if she can be a bit a more independent eater...

[Mama2boys]

hey there

DS was the same and slowly he started expanindg his finger food choices. I'd say keep offering as you do and keep feeding as well.

DS is nearly 2 and still choosy/lazy about what he feeds himself and what he does not, a lot is dependant on hunger as well.

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Hi. Thanks for responding. 

It's so hard to know what to do, you know? Unfortunately DD is not motivated by food at all. She could go hungry all day and not have a care in the world as long as she's allowed to play. 

Anyway, with this particular issue, I also have a very small window in which to feed DD. If she's in her chair more that 15 minutes, she starts trying to bust out of her chair. So, in a way, I'm always trying to shovel as many purees in her mouth as possible while the iron is hot, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, in this sense, I think the purees sort of get in the way with her practicing to hold her own food. She doesn't eat enough finger foods to fill her tummy, either, so I can't just skip the purees. So, I try to break her food into bits and lay them on her tray. They I try to feed the bits to her, hoping that some day she'll get the drift and start picking up food from her tray herself.

On another note, I did get her to hold a waffle, although she wasn't in her chair. She crawled around the house with the waffle in her hand, and left a trail of waffle crumbs all over my floor. She took bites from the waffle from time to time, so it was more like play than eating. I don't know if I'm just starting yet another bad habit by letting her carry her food around the house like that instead of having her eat and learn proper table manners.  But, I figure at this point, if she's willing to hold anything, that's an improvement.

Anyway, if you have any advice for me when you went through finger food refusal with your DS, I'm open to any suggestions. Thanks!

[anna*]

(((hugs))) I know this is pretty stressful, I have a reluctant self-feeder too, although like yours he will eat finger foods if I post them in his mouth for him!

A couple of things that you may find helpful:

At around 11 months we gave Stanley some blueberries. He LOVED them! He loved practising and refining his pincer grip, and getting things from his grip into his mouth!  . After that, he would try a lot more foods as long as they were in blueberry sized chunks (not the much better 'spears' I had been offering before). Now he will happily feed himself blueberries, peas, corn, tiny cubes of cheese, Cheerios, raisins, tiny pieces of chicken - basically, he will eat things cut up real small that he wouldn't even put in his mouth if they were offered larger !  Now I don't know if Emma Rose will love blueberries, but you might find something that she just loves so much she will do anything to eat, and take her lead from there?

The other thing is, we've started giving Stanley a fork to play with at meal times. He's a few weeks older than yours but you could try this too. I've shown him how to stick little bits of food with it and he's enjoying this. He really responds well to me saying 'Can you put it in your mouth??' 'Show mummy how you can eat it!' and loads of over-the-top cheering, applause, YAAYYY!! when he feeds things to himself (this is by fork and by hand).

I should really take my own advice on this but we should both try not to worry, they will feed themselves for certain soon enough - I very much doubt we will still be spoon feeding them by this time next year!!

anna
x

[shark]

HA!  I think our los are soul mates!  Mine won't hold his own bottle or feed himself finger foods either.  He has tried to get cheerios in but was only succesful about 1/10 tries so I think he got thoroughly frustrated with that and has given up trying all together.  He will eat a cookie on his own (arrowroot, baby mum-mum, baby rice cake).  I think he finds cookies less frustrating because they are bigger and he can easily get them into his mouth.  Will your LO eat a cookie on her own?
I think I'm just going to continue to offer finger foods and feed him from his tray so he gets the idea.  I guess I'll just have to be patient while he learns to manipulate those little fingers!
Hugs!

[Emma-Rose's mom]

I WISH it were just a simple case of her not knowing how to manipulate her little fingers. But, she is actually quite good at it. It's just that she WON'T as opposed to CAN'T.  She will pick up cheerios any place, any time. And she does like to hold teething biscuits. But other than those two things, she refuses. . .Well, actually, we have a cat, and she picks up and tries to eat the dry cat food all the time.  Why she refuses to do the same with real people food is beyond me!

Anna, the blueberry idea is great! I think I'll try that. Emma loves blueberries, too. And she likes kiwi, but kiwi is too slippery for her to pick up. I dusted the kiwi with cereal to make it less slippery, but then the texture was too weird for her and she wouldn't go near it. Maybe I'll mix the blueberry in with her cheerios. Hopefully she won't pick out all the cheerios and leave the blueberries. (She has done that before with other bits of food like corn, peas, and the like.)

I truly think Emma is just lazy. LOL.

[mum101]

It's weird because she finds the oddest, littlest pieces of junk off the floor and doesn't shy away from picking those things up and putting them in her mouth!! 

I was thinking about this today while DS was trying to eat grass and bark in the yard but glared at the brocolli I put on his plate!  I think he does it because it's his choice.  I'm sure bark doesn't taste great. LOL

My DS was the opposite, refused to be spoon fed in any way, but would pick up any food and try to eat it (or only take the spoon and put it his mouth!). He is only now accepting a bit off a spoon as he's worked out it might be interesting and he trusts me more I guess.
He's pretty much taken finger foods since starting to eat food. But I noticed that it took a good few presentations of brocolli before he tried it. When he did he ate it well and has since.  The same for tomato today. I will just keep adding a piece of tomato to his table until he tries it.


I would wait it out, go back to square one. Give your DD one piece of waffle with each feed without any prompting and wait until she does eat it of her own accord. Try not to give more than one food at a time, it may be too much for her.  Let her get used to it as a finger food, play with it, drop it etc. and one day she'll give it a go and experiment with putting them in her mouth.

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Thanks, Charmaine, for the suggestion. I'll do that, and try to stick with one food for her to pick up or play with.

I did discover that she will hold her own ice-cream cone (of course!)  But, I'm not willing to go that route and give her too much of a sweet tooth. It was just a perfect example of how she WILL hold foods that she really likes on her own...

My DCP told me that she ate corn today but refused broccoli, but I'm not sure if she picked up the corn herself or was fed the corn...

Tonight at dinner, she wasn't interested in any of her purees but wanted all of my food off of my plate instead. Of course, she didn't want to pick anything up herself. It was quite funny because everytime I offered her the spoon with purees, she put up her hands and pushed the spoon away. She just kept grunting and looking at my plate until I tore off bits and pieces of meat and vegetables from my dinner to give to her. Then, she happily ate whatever I put in her mouth by hand. I tried putting my food on her tray, so that she can pick them up herself, as it was obvious she wanted my food, but she just stared at them and stared at me.  I felt like she was glaring at me and saying, "what do ya think you're doing? You're here to serve me and you dare leave my food on the tray??" LOL.

Anyway, I did manage to shovel a few spoonfuls of purees in her mouth towards the end of dinner to get some food in her since she started to get restless and wanted to get out of her chair. I guess she'll transition to picking up her own food on her own time.

[mum101]

I tried putting my food on her tray, so that she can pick them up herself, as it was obvious she wanted my food, but she just stared at them and stared at me.  I felt like she was glaring at me and saying, "what do ya think you're doing? You're here to serve me and you dare leave my food on the tray??" LOL.

LOL!!

Another suggestion - when your LO became restless she probably had enough of the food, I wouldn't worry about trying to get more in her at that time.  As soon as my DH wriggles or complains I put him down and stop the food, he will simply reject any. He knows he's had enough. I keep it as long or as short as he wants and I know he'll regulate himself. But if you think she's too tired to eat properly, you could feed her earlier than your dinner, and then put her up in her high chair with you guys and if she wants something on your plate, you can put some on her chair, knowing that she's had a big meal when she wasn't so tired. 

[jaedagal]

hahahaha You are certainly not the only one! I have pound my head against a wall countless times trying to get my guy to feed himself.  Oliver is almost 21 months and just this week he has eaten breakfast all by himself (picking up with his fingers)!!! I still have to hand feed him or I give him a spoon or a fork so he can do it himself.

What I found is that he has textural issues -- he HATES touching anything sticky, slimy etc and will freak out if that gets on his hands (or he'll whine until I clean off his hands). Yet he'll be fine with sand and mud and dirt and will put those  in his mouth (errr well he use to -- now it's a rock every now and then hehe). We've come a long way from what we were even just 6 months ago and I basically just accepted his little quirks and I work with him instead of against him. So, I give foods that he won't mind touching (this not being the bulk of what he eats, but gives him practice with his fingers) -- cheerios, crackers, cookies, blueberries, grapes, strawberries, scrambled egg (not always, but most of the time he will touch it), dried fruit/freeze dried fruit, carrots, mushrooms etc. I give himd foods that tend not to be squishy or messy. The messy foods I give him a spoon or a fork and with practice he's become very good at feeding himself.

[Emma-Rose's mom]

He heee. Thanks ladies for all your funny stories. I guess it's a common problem!

I have had a little measure of progress the last few days. Emma picked up two...count them...one, two teeny pieces of waffle on her own. Then I fed her the rest. And she picked up one cheerios-sized teeny piece of grilled cheese sandwhich. The remainder of the sandwhich, I had to feed her but she did eat about 1/4 of a sandwich. I guess picking up three tiny things is better than none. I still have a LONG way to go. Hopefully if I keep offering the grilled cheese and waffle, those might become regulars, like her cheerios. Then we can move on to more adventurous things for her to pick up...

Jaedagal - I think you are right about the texture issue. Emma won't pick up any soft or squishy items at all. She pulls her hand away after touching them. Then, she would happily squash them by pounding on them with her hands or fists. ha ha...what a mess...

But here's the real kicker... I was changing her nappy this morning, and she pooped out a coupon with the barcode that was still visible. (DH was cliping coupons last night) At some point, she must picked up a coupon off the floor when DH wasn't looking and and ate that!! Grrrr!! LOL.

[anna*]

Hehehehe that's so funny.

Can you give her a baby fork and spoon to play with too? Stan doesn't like sticky/slimy/squishy, BUT he did figure out how to spear a bit of fish and get it into his mouth! Maybe she'd enjoy trying to figure out how to use a fork or spoon?

anna
x

[Emma-Rose's mom]

Yep! It's worth a try to give Emma-Rose a spoon or fork during meal time. She plays with the spoon all the time. It's one of her favorite toys, but she usually plays with the spoon outside of feeding time to such on or bang. I can give her a spoon during meal time to play with. I haven't really given her the opportunity to try to use the spoon on her own during meal time just because I haven't figured out how to manage it and have worried about DD knocking her bowl off her tray. I've seen the bowls with the suction cup bottoms. Maybe I should try using that so that DD can try to scoop things with a spoon? Or is it too early for her to be trying that?

I've never introduced a fork before?? Do you use the baby-safe plastic kind for her to try to stab things with?

Speaking of stabbing, Emma tries to stab or loop cheerios with a straw all the time, so she probably would like playing with a fork.

[anna*]

I found a set which are metal (they say for 12 mos plus), a knife fork and spoon, which are obviously not at all sharp but have plastic handles. Seems to be easier to stab things with that than with the plastic forks.

anna
x

[Evgenia]

My cousin used to give her lo cookies, apple slices and bananas to nibble on during his playtime to encourage him to feed himself. She also had picnics out the back or on the floor in the living room, she would put a variety of finger food on a blanket for all to share but she wouldn't offer or force anything on the lo, and after watching others eat away he would usually pick smth up and eat away. This was recomended to her by doctors as he was fed through a tube straight into his tummy for the first few months and its a technique used to teach babies like him to eat.
Hope this helps, best of luck!!!