New with a special needs 12 month old

[kathleendsm]

Hi, I have a son, the sweetest little boy in the world.  Once upon a time he slept through the night, and then he went through a series of ear infections, about five in a row.  During that time I'd nurse him every time he woke, and (horrible, but I was and am so tired!) I fell asleep in the rocker frequently, leaving him sleeping in my arms for an hour or so.

A month ago he had the ear tubes surgery and things initially improved.  He has slid right back into his old sleeping habits though, in spite of my trying to train him.  Not just that, but he's extremely persistent!  He's actually pretty good at this point at putting himself to sleep most nights (assuming he doesn't get his feet stuck in the crib bars), but when he wakes up in the middle of the night if I don't go nurse him he'll cry for hours.  And usually he'll stop for 15 minutes at a time only to start again.  Eventually I'll decide I can't take it and just nurse him (I know that's bad too  ).

He goes to bed at 7 and wakes up at 11:30, 2 and between 4 and 5.  TOO MUCH.  He's up for the day between 6 and 7 and takes 1 or 2 naps depending on the day.

He's nearly 12 months old but has a rare chromosome abnormality.  As a result he's a bit physically delayed, so he's not pulling up yet.  I don't think his special needs play much of a role here: if I go in to get him he'll immediately start chuckling because he'll figure he's getting nursed.  He's very clever and very tuned into my buttons: I'm the only one he'll cry for if I take him to daycare, and he'll bounce up and down squealing when I pick him up.  Cognitively they think he does fine, it's mostly a physical issue right now.

Any suggestions?  I tried PU/PD tonight when he woke up after getting his feet stuck in the bars and it worked, though it took him an hour to settle down.  I'm only doing it when he gets very worked up and trying to not respond to those "mantra" cries or the softer ones with quiet in between.

Any other suggestions?  Anyone been there and done that?  Any special needs kids? 

[Katet]

Responding by PU/PD is a good way to start, as long as you don't give in... an hour for him to settle if it is one of the first times you've not fed is good.

Can you get someone else to go to him the first time he wakes & settle him?
If not what I did (after I'd started feeding for much the same reason as you with the ear infections & PU/PD was too hard for me (heavy baby into the cot with a broken foot it didn't work ) What I did was have 2 different responses, first of the night was go in - pick up & put over shoulder & comfort (I sat for the above reasons), when calm put back in bed, repeat repeat. & then eventually I'd only comfort in the cot as it got calmer... think it took about an hour, but I was there 100% of the time. Then the 2nd wake of the night, I'd go in & feed & back to bed...any wakes after I did the same & fed, as the first wake would get later & later. I helped a friend through this recently & she got from 5 feeds a night through to none & her DS was 16mo & they were co-sleeping.
I'd suggest say start on say a Friday night when there isn't work/childcare  the next day, decide you don't stop trying to settle until he goes to sleep, gently talk to him tell him what is happening (you'd be surprised how much they understand) BUT don't give in & feed, if he is particularly upset (& heavy like my DS2) then sit somewhere but NOT where you feed & gently rock your body or stroke his body & sing/hum to him, bring in a comfort action that is close but not feeding. Then over time as you remove the food factor you can then work on the cuddle factor & say only comfort with stroking/sing/hum while he remains in the cot.
But most importantly (& this is vital) don't let him fall asleep while feeding at the start of the night.

[KathyM]

I followed the Katet plan and it worked for us. I also sent my dh in for the first wake-up and I think that helped too.
The first wake-up don't feed, just re-settle. Any subsequent wake-ups, go ahead and feed. That first wake-up gets later and later until they are gone.
Good luck!