On my own and need some help...naps and night..

[lizzieHarrold]

Hi

I am struggling with my 4 week old baby as my husband is in Iraq (hasnt even met his son yet) and I also have a 3.5 year old daughter too.

I love my children very much but am really at the end of my nerves now and not sure what to do...  I have some questions which I hope someone can help with please.  I am questioning everything I am doing.  I used the EASY routine with my daughter but it seems so long ago now and I had help with my husband being at home.  Cant believe how difficult it is with two.

My 4 week old son is on 3 hour easy, and he is waking after 45 minutes during the day for his naps.  I am using pat shush to get him to sleep in the first please, and generally it takes about 20 minutes and I am doing it until he is virtually asleep.  Is this right?  Will it get quicker eventually?  Should I also use pat shush to extend his naps when he wakes at around the 40 minute mark?

Night time is quite good, he goes to bed at 7.30 awake and sends himself off to sleep, waking at midnight and 3.00am ish for feeds.  After the midnight feed I only have to pat shush for five minutes to get him back to sleep but after the 3.00am feed he is back into 45 minute naps... am I doing something wrong?  It also seems like he wants to start his day then.  Am hoping this wont last forver.

I havent had much time at home as being travelling round seeing family, so his daytime routine has been a bit all over the place.  Should I dedicate a week to being at home and making sure each nap is consistent and the same each time so he gets used to it?

I am sorry for all the questions, but after another 20 hour day, I am feeling quite alone...

Thank you go anyone who is listening and can help...

L x

[Julianne1984]

Hey, sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I can't really offer any advice as I too am looking for help with naps. My DS is 10months old now. All I can say is (as you've probably heard before) ...it will get easier. I know it's hard to see that when you're actually having a difficult time, but it will.

Just wanted to reply so you knew people were reading your thread. A lot of the people on here live in the USA so it can take time to get a reply because of time difference (i'm assuming you're in the UK like me).

Anywho, hang in there and someone will be able to help you out. xx

[lizzieHarrold]

Thanks for the response, it does help to know that there are people out there.  Sometimes it feels like I am on totally on my own...

I keep telling myself that this is a phase and it wont last forever, but it's hard to reason and be logical at 4.00am in the morning with a crying baby..!!

Take care

L x

[Mama2boys]

hugs Lizzie. I can only imagien how hard it is. and I am no good at solving your quetsions but wnate dto drop off hugs and bump this up for you.

the fact thats he is slepeing well in teh night is great and mayeb he is waking eraly form naps as they are not spaced well and maybe he is getting too tired.
I tink it woudl help to stya put for a wee and try and establish a routine an dthen tarvel once routine is set. thats what I would do, but am no expert.

hugs again!

[Julianne1984]

hey that's ok. My LO had reflux until 4months when he was finally diagnosed! So he would cry all day and barely sleep... so i know how you feel on the sleep part!!

*hugs* x

[puregrace]

With the pat/ shush length, I remember reading that it was okay to keep doing it for a while as lo is falling asleep, but to try to gradually lessen the time so that it doesn't become a prop. The purpose of it is comfort. You want to comfort long enough, but not past the need.

To extend naps, I wouldn't use it longer than 40 mins after he wakes (a normal sleep cycle). If he still hasn't slept by then, get the baby up. It's too frustrating to do it for a long time.

For night time sleep, does he wake up happy or needing you? If he's happy, let him be. It wasn't clear if he was fussy when you put him down at night after eating. If he's happy, let him fall asleep alone (no shh/ pat). Oh, and don't forget to look at how much sleep he's getting during the day. I'm sure you know, but just in case, too much during the day can mess up night time. What time do you start the day typically? With a bed time around 7:30, should be around 7:00, right? A mistake I made early on was letting my lo sleep in, but you're probably not able to do that with a 3 1/2 year old.

Don't forget to enjoy your baby! This will pass soon and you don't want to be too consumed with schedules, even EASY schedules. You need time with other adults/ family with your husband gone serving, so you'll have to decide the balance between being at home and away. Don't be a slave to schedules, but find consistency somehow. And remember, as soon as you've got it, it'll change anyway.

[lilac83]

*Hugs*. At 4 weeks your LO is still so young I wouldn't worry too much about sh/pat becoming a prop. Also, he is still learning his night sleep. This is generally learned by 3 months of age and then day sleep is learned by 6 months. I agree to leave him be at night unless he is crying. This is what I did with DD and 9/10 times she would fall asleep on her own in the dark room.

What does his day normally look like? Perhaps if we do a bit of tweaking he will start napping better. Also, is he swaddled?

[lizzieHarrold]

Hi All

Thanks so much to you all for your help and advice, its good to know I am not alone.  Especially at 4.00am in the morning!

DS doesnt cry when he wakes at night, but is fussy, does his little ack ack noise so I go to pat shush, which does work, but after around 4.00am he just sleeps in these awful 45 minute cycles.  Sometimes he sounds like his chest is a bit mucusy when I put him down after his night feeds and I wonder if that is stopping him from settling and I am putting him down too quickly after his bottle.

His feeding schedule is 7, 10, 1, 4, 7 then bed.   He doesnt sleep anyway near enough during the day, the most joy I have got so far is 3 45 naps in between feeds.  He sleeps more if I am out and about and car/pram motion send him to sleep.  If I could get these naps extended I would feel better.  At the mo I just feel like I am muddling through and not really being a very good mum to either of my children..

I do swaddle him, but just his arms, his is over 10lb already really quiet strong, when I tried to swaddle him fully he cried so much he made himself sick.

I guess tomorrow is another day. 

Thank you all...

L xx

[Julianne1984]

Hey! I jinxed myself yesterday, my LO decided to keep me up until nearly 1am!!! It's reminded me exactly how tiring newborns are. So I too had a 20hour day (having been up since 5am)... it's so exhausting isn't it. Even one day wears me out and I only have one child!! I admire anyone with more than one it must be bloody hard! *hug*

I'm pretty certain that once the day naps extend your Lo will sleep better at night too. That's usually how it works.

I hope you can get the naps sorted soon. x

[lilac83]

How long is he usually awake for between naps? A 45min nap can mean either OT or UT, but since he's so little I bet for him it's OT. Are you waiting for a cue and then putting him down? I wonder if he's going to need to be in the middle of his wind down when he first gives a cue in order for him to take a good nap. Some LO's are like that, their cues come too late.

[lizzieHarrold]

Hi

Thanks for the response.

I am waiting for cues, generally in the morning its yawns, but for example, this morning he had a bottle at 7.00am, went down at 8.00am for a nap, left him to try and settle himself, (didnt work!) pat/shushed and he went to sleep at 9.00am, woke at 9.40, p/s until 10.00am, no joy, gave him his 3 hour feed.  Its now 10.45 and I am going to try putting him down again as its over an hour since he woke, but he is showing no signs of tiredness, just laid on his blanket having a nice kick! 

I do think he is over tired as well, but apart from him yawning or getting cranky, not sure when to put him down. 

His sister was much easier, she was three yawns and straight to sleep.. The good old days ;-)

thanks again.

L x

[Julianne1984]

See what the others suggest, but for now all I can say is try putting him down 10mins earlier than you normally would, it worked great when I first realised my Lo was O/T!!

How have things been today? Hope it's been better for you! x

[lilac83]

I agree with PP. If you think he is OT, then try 50min A time. Just that extra 10 minutes may make a big difference to him. Have you taken the baby personality quiz yet? Finding out what sort of baby he is may help you figure out what he needs as well. http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52283.0

[lizzieHarrold]

Hi All

Well I think your good karma and help must have rubbed off on DS! 

Yesterday he had his naps and settled himself at all of them when I put him down.  Taking real note of his cues and not relying on the clock to dictate when he was tired.   He started yawning just 40 minutes after his 10.00am feed, so I just went with it and he settled in minutes without any need for me to go in.

We still had the 45 minute nap issue but on his third nap it took literally 5 minutes of p/s to get him back to sleep. 

Is the long term goal that I wont need to p/s at all but he will evenutally just go through the 45 minute wake up and settle himself naturally?

The night was better too, when he woke for his feeds and I put him back down he settled again.  No p/s needed in the night at all.  I think I have started to figure out what all his little noises mean and when he needs me and when he is just chattering.

I feel much more positive today and even got a call from my husband this morning which was a wonderful surprise for us all!!!

Thank you so much for your advice its been unbelievably helpful to know there is life out there!!!

L xx

[Julianne1984]

I'm so glad to hear that things went well for you! It feels like such an achievement when the noises are figured out, it's like something just snaps into place! It is best to not work by the clock exactly as all babies are different, they change so fast aswell that if a routine works well one week, by the next they may need more awake time, so just go with the flow and watch for his cues

I can't imagine doing this one my own with one child, let alone two! I think you're doing a great job! My OH works nights so I had to do ALL the nights and most of the days as he was only about afternoon/evenings, and that was hard enough!! Is your husband coming home soon? It must have been fantastic speaking to him x