Help please! I don't know what to do! My son is a pretty good baby, although a little touchy. We have always had sleep issues. If everything is good, he sleeps through the night, but if he is sick or getting a tooth he has trouble settling to sleep and wakes a few times during the night. At 4 mos we did pu/pd to get him to sleep on his own. It worked ok until he was sick or got teeth, which seemed like it was all the time. Some time around 6-7 months we started staying in the room with him to fall asleep and have done so since. We spend an hour or so in the room while he goes to sleep and leave when he is completely asleep. If we leave the room before he is sound asleep he screams and cries. He will keep checking to make sure we are there. I am not sure why he has such separation anxiety. I have been off work since January, spending more time with him and the separation anxiety seems to be worse.
We wanted to do some sleep training, to get him to sleep on his own while he was still in the crib but with colds, teeth and ear infections we could never find the right time. Last week we transitioned him from crib to day bed (took one side of the crib off) because he could almost climb out, so for safety reasons we made the switch. I was not sure which way to go with the transitioning either wi/wo or gradual withdrawal and I was also not sure whether to fix one problem at a time or do them all at once. The first night in the big bed, he kept getting out and looking at the door. It was about 2 hours of up and down, and lots of tears until he got sick - that is my stopping point. I went in, sat with him while he fell asleep (in minutes I might add) I also had a mattress in there so I stayed there the first night. 2-3 times throughout the night he got out of his bed and came to sleep with me...not beside me but somehow on me so that he knew I was there and could feel me, almost making sure I did not leave. It was not a very good night sleep for either of us but I was expecting it to be a rough week or so. My husband and I decided that we would go in and put him back in bed if he got out of bed but if he stayed in bed we would leave him alone. The next night, he fussed a little but sat in his bed and cried so we left him (now thinking that was a really bad idea). He went to bed after about 10-15 min but woke up during the night screaming. Again he stayed in his bed so we changed him, because he was wet and put him back in bed. He stayed in bed but cried for about 30-45 min. It was killing me to leave him but he wasn't getting out of bed so we left him. The next night we put him down, he fussed for about 1 min and then went to sleep. This continued for 5 days! We were so excited! We couldn't believe that we finally had our evenings back and that it only took 2 bad days! Why hadn't we done this earlier. It all went to hell 2 days ago.
Monday night we put him down (around 7) he fussed for a bit and then went to sleep. He woke up around 9 and we fought for 1.5 hours to get him back to bed. This time, he kept getting up and coming to the door. We would pick him up and put him back to bed and he would get up and this would continue. During this time, my husband and I were switching the putting him back down. For some reason when I would do it it never worked but when my husband did it seemed to work better. But only for a few minutes. He would finally stay in bed and you thought he was asleep and then 10 min later screaming again. My first thought was teeth or an ear infection becuase he tends to have a hard time falling asleep when either of those occur. We gave him Advil but it didn't help. He finally fell asleep for good some time after 11 but then was up 3 times during the night. Each time we did the same thing with the putting him back to bed and him coming to the door screaming. Each time he was up for about 20-30 min. Last night I hit bottom. My husband was at hockey so I was in charge of bedtime. I spent 2 hours of up and down, wi/wo and screaming. Every once in a while I would sit with him (hence the inconsistency and I know completely wrong) and he would be perfectly calm. Somehow I thought I could just talk to him and he would listen but apparently 16 month olds dont do that! After 2 hours of screaming, I was in tears gave in and brought him into bed with me. He ended up falling asleep but not until almost 10. I put him into his bed and he woke at 12:30 screaming. I didn't even bother to try to put him back down, I just brought him into bed with me and he slept the night there.
I know I messed up...I was just too tired and not feeling well (I am 10 weeks pregnant and nauxious all the time - worse in middle of the night) and couldn't take it. But now I don't know what to do. I was reading about the wi/wo and we have been doing it wrong even though it seemed to work for a week. I think gradual withdrawal may have been better for him since he has never been able to fall asleep on his own. I also know that regression is normal. So what do I do? Do I continue on our modified wi/wo? Do I do wi/wo the right way? Do I switch and stay in the room again and do the GW? My husband is all about just leaving him cry and is happy to do it for a few days but I can't take it...I don't like just locking him in his room and letting him cry!
How do I fix my bad, inconsistent mothering? Please someone help me!! I don't know what to do tonight!
For the record, he sleeps great at daycare (3 days a week) and goes down much easier at naps...it is only nighttime at home where he has issues. He does not have any separation anxiety when he goes to daycare!
