just can't get it right - part 3!

[~inbalance~]

I miss having a little baby too, and I want another one so I must be MAD as well!!  I can't even get the one I have to sleep properly!  There are so many amazing things at all stages.  I miss all the little things of past, the faces, when he would just hang out in my lap for hours (even sleep there!), all that stuff.  But I look at the amazing things he's done in this past week alone and I am in awe!  I can't believe how much he has jumped into mobility, it seemed like it was so slow leading up to it and now he's all over the place!  Right now he's standing straight, only holding onto the chair with one hand.  I'm worried now, I think he might walk sooner than I expected!     Oh it's so amazing, why does it have to go so fast??

I've never been on one of those home tours, but I'm sure they have stuff like that here.  It does sound like fun, but then it's just going to make me sad we can't have our dream house anytime soon!  Hope you have fun!!!   

[*Liz*]

Oh I got the nightmare start then - taking 3 hrs to get down for the night, waking every 2-3 hrs, failing to latch to BF so I'd have to express and top up even at 2am. Started short napping at 8 weeks and had a terrible OT rut. A few days he stayed awake for 20 hrs straight. I just could not get him down. He was diagnosed with reflux shortly after all that though.

Its amazing how you forget though - I'm more than happy to do it all again. It does end, you see. Through sleep deprived eyes it seemed never ending, and I still get up every night, but its all OK now. As long as I get 4 hrs sleep in a row I can cope fine!!

[~inbalance~]

I think the reason why it was so easy in the beginning for me is I had no routine, no expectations for naps, etc.  BFing was rocky the first week, but I got a LC in right away because I wanted so badly to do it right, and she fixed our latch in one visit.  Nights were rough, but by 6 weeks he was only waking twice to eat and that was it.  He napped where he wanted, never cried, and it was a breeze!  It wasn't until 4 months that he started waking so often, and that's when I started reading, and reading and reading and reading...and realized I was doing it all wrong!  But was it wrong then, if everything was so great?  Well, I guess it was since it all went to hell but I can't complain.  I remember thinking I had it so easy those days!!

At least the feeding always went well!     We gotta look at the good!

[*Liz*]

And there starts the spectrum of parenting styles - from pure AP through to strict schedules and CC. I think AP is lovely in principle but just so hard to carry all the way through. I guess thats why I chose to BW - baby lead but with methods that can produce a change quickly (ish!!).

I APd a lot when J was very young and refluxy but I tired of it. I was sick of walking for hours so he could sleep in the buggy or carrier. And it got cold and wet. Although I think next time I will get less stressed about the 'bad habits' we create as I think many of them are easy to correct as long as you do it at the right time. I bet trying to teach independent sleep to a 9 mth old (from scratch) is almost impossible. J was easy on that front though - at the point a used to pace the house until he nodded off in my arms and then put him down - but he started to physically fight me. Thumping and thrashing around - so I had no choice but to teach him to go to sleep without me. But it was what he was ready for and wanted anyway so he was going to sleep himself after a few days, and I never had to resort to PU/PD. Getting decent naps was a different story though!!

[~inbalance~]

I think it's safe to say that parenting is very unique, and as many different babies, mommies & daddies there are out there will be as many different ways to parent your children.     The key is finding what's right for you.  I agree with you Liz, BW is a wonderful way to get guidance but still allow your individual style and values play a part.  It's definitely been the best, most well rounded style I've found so far. 

My day got a little bit brighter, DH came home for lunch and brought me flowers.     Said he was sorry for being a jerk and he knows how frustrating my job can be.  I said I don't mean to lose my cool, it just gets to me sometimes.  That's why I love him, he is very thoughtful. 

Well, we'll be off to Tristan's checkup soon.  I opted to just let him stay up until we leave then catch a nap in the car.  Hope it works out ok!

[clazzat]

I have to say that my approach with Milena was totally different from my approach with Eloise as they are such different babies, and I was really planning to do the same for both of them.  I'm coming to the conclusion that there is no right or wrong way to go about it - you just have to understand that if you start something you will have to continue with it.  I would love to go with the attachment parenting principle, as I miss my little girls when they are asleep and it is so nice to snuggle with them, but I know that I would get frustrated with the lack of time to myself or time to spend alone with dh.  I think I have been really lucky with the independent sleep thing - M got it pretty much from day one (she used to literally just fall asleep when she was tired) and, like Liz, I had to go with it for E because she didn't like being held to sleep.  It's working well for us at the moment because we have EWs when I really can't face trying to settle her on her own so I snuggle with her, but she doesn't seem to be looking for it - although no doubt one day I'll realise that she has had it the way she wants it all along! 

We had another good night followed by a good day of naps, so I'm feeling quite relaxed about the sleep thing at the moment.  I put my back out again this morning, though, so dh had to stay at home to look after the girls - which he was really not happy about.  The nice doctor has given me some decent painkillers, though, so I should be able to manage for the rest of the week with dh being away (again!).

My biggest problem with E at the moment is the biting - I have to be really vigilant during the day otherwise she gives me a sharp nip, and she is biting me 3-4 times every time I feed her.  I have always worked on the basis that if they are biting then they don't want any more, but if I stop feeding her she just screams.  It's probably more teeth, but it doesn't make for a peaceful end-of-day feed.

Martina - did I read that T is having about 3oz of solids at mealtimes?  I just wondered because E is having about 8oz (and would eat more if given the chance!), and I'm wondering if she is having too much.

Hope you're all having good days.  Happy Anniversary, Alyssa - hope dh has realised that he has been unreasonable and does something nice for you today.
Cx

[*Liz*]

Oh ouch Clare - poor you. J is terrible with the biting at the moment. It looks like he's coming in for a snuggle and you end up with a short sharp bite  . I assume its the top two teeth on their way. I have been able to see the buds for a few weeks now - but no sign of them cutting just yet. I'm glad I'm not breast feeding him now - I have no doubt that he would be a terrible biter.

8oz of solids. Wow. I guess it doesn't really matter too much as long as she is having plenty of calcium rich foods as they are all starting to transition to solids being the main part of their meals. I say plenty of calcium rich foods as if you are BFing I guess you don't really know what she is having milk wise. I think the UK is a bit more relaxed about food for babies than other countries. Good job for me - I'm not sure I could cope if I was being told 1oz of this, 1oz of that and 24oz min of milk. I just got told to let him play with food and make a mess!!

[~inbalance~]

8oz!!!     And here I was so proud of Tristan's 3oz!!  Actually, the last few days it's been 2-3oz, plus he eats a lot of finger foods too.  I don't think it's too much solids for E, if it's what she likes and she still drinks all her milk then that's just how she is.  You're lucky she's a good eater!  I'm happy Tristan never refuses food and likes everything.  I guess they're all different!

So we're back from the doctor's, and Tristan has once again gained almost no weight.     Only 1oz in 6 weeks or so!     I was a little peeved with the nurse, she says in her filipino accent "oh, baby not gain weight!  What's wrong with him, doesn't he eat??"  I just glared at her, "Yes, he eats fine.  There's nothing wrong with him, he's just little and gains weight slowly".  I think it's horrible for a healthcare professional, especially the nurse (not even the doctor!) to remark so negatively.  What if I were a worrisome mom, but there's nothing really wrong, and here she's making it out like there's something wrong with my baby.  I could hear her making a big deal of it to the doctor outside the door.  Anyways, I told the doctor that I'm not worried about his health, he eats well and is obviously developing normally, he's just predispositioned to be small and gains weight in spurts rather than slow and steady.  I think I was the exact same way as a child.  She's not worried, but said she'd feel better if I brought him in again in a month so she can keep an eye on him.  That's fine, I am happy she takes it seriously instead of brushing it off, it's better that way than if she said don't worry about it and then there really is something wrong.  I'm not really worried, but it is hard to hear your baby's not gaining or is as big as other babies.  But like I said, it's not holding him back any.

I am very fortunate, Tristan doesn't seem to be a biter when he's BFing.  He's bitten me maybe 2 or 3 times, not hard at all.  He just eats and when he's done he wants down NOW so he can go explore.  I do find though that new teeth take him time to get used to, so when he gets some his latch hurts a little for a week or so and he leaves teethmarks.  But then he adjusts and all is well again. 

[~inbalance~]

OMG, this kid is taking every last ounce of my energy and sanity tonight.     I had a slightly new approach to bedtime, I was trying to be a little more relaxed and not so rigid with our bedtime routine, tried to let him have a little more fun and make light of it.  After storytime I let him play and romp around a little extra on the bed, trying to get out some of his last energy and curiosity.  All was well, after 10mins or so he looked at me like, "ok mum, I'm done exploring and getting pretty sleepy".  So we continued with our wind down and everything was good, he was looking pretty relaxed.  Into the crib he went....

And now, half an hour later...!  He put up a fight, as expected so I started WIWO with a few PU/PD in there for reassurance.  I was doing it properly, determined to do it right and not resort to AP or cut any corners.  After 15 mins or so I was feeling pretty good about it, looked like he was wearing down, wasn't standing back up as often.  I managed to leave for 5 minutes, and he was mantra'ing and moaning, sounded good to me and I thought he was on his way.  Then he started back up again, so I went in and he was sitting, I put my hand on him and he flopped over and started moaning, seemed like he was settling but just wanted one more pat from mommy.  But then he started with the rolling over and sitting up again.   .  So another 10mins of WIWO, then one more PU/PD and then finally he tapered off and now I think (I hope!) he's gone to sleep.  Sheesh!   I know 30mins isn't bad, especially in the beginning but it felt like FOREVER!  And now I'm exhausted!

Anyways, just had to share that!  Thanks for listening! 

[hjrmom01]

Martina, I wouldn't worry about what the nurse had to say....that was very unprofessional.  As long as Tristan is staying on his growth curve that's all that matters.  At least that's what our ped says....that's why I'm not concerned about H and what the GI has to say.  I see plenty of chunk on H!!!  Sorry about your 30 min WIWO at bedtime. If it makes you feel any better we still have trouble with bedtime. H just sat up from lying for the first time tonight so I'm sure we'll be adding that into our issues!!!  When I put H down I usually have to pat for a few minutes until he's calmed....then he'll usually start back up again.  I think only once in the past few weeks I've been able to put him down and walk out.  Maybe I'm too chicken to do WIWO because I'm afraid of worse OT at bed and an earlier EW. 

We just had a beautiful dinner together, just me and DH.  I think I'm going to go take a bath and we'll have a nice evening together.  Been a while since we've had a night off together and actually spent it together!!! 

[~inbalance~]

I worry too about WIWO causing OT (and PUPD for that matter!), which is probably why I avoided it too.  But I think by avoiding it I create other problems, props etc., where as I just needed to plow through it.  I think I should be doing WIWO all the time now that settling is so hard, and hopefully crack the problem for good.  It was tough, but I think I felt good about doing it.  I think WIWO will be the solution for dropping that night feed too...just got to do it on a night where I can be committed as it could get ugly the first few times. 

I'm so glad you're having a lovely anniversary.  Now what are you doing on here?  Go enjoy your alone time with DH! 

[*Liz*]

My turn now - AARRGGGGHHHHHHHH

J was up from 1.30 - 2.30am, when I fed him 4oz and gave him some neurofen, then woke at 4am, snuggled him and got him back to sleep at about 4.45am only for him to wake at 5.25am . Then wanted to get up for the day. Woke moaning every time though. So I put him in the crib and kept him there until 6.30am. I AM NOT getting up for the day at 5.25am or at 4.00am for that matter.

I just don't know what is going on. Might be teeth, he's very constipated again so I guess he might have tummy ache. But they don't realy explain the ridiculous EWs. So last night was 9.75 hrs sleep.

This is driving me mad. Why on earth does he want to sleep all day and not sleep at night!!

I'm going to have to try and crack this though as I'm back at work in 2 months.

Martina - its prob Tristans new found mobility that has caused this blip. He prob needs a bit more solids but at the moment is far too busy to sit still and eat them!!

[hjrmom01]

Liz, sorry about your wakefull night. You don't think the tummy discomfort could be causing some of the problems?

Ok, now I need your advice!  Is H going through his 9 mo GS or should I go back to 4 bottles??  We had a 2.5/3 oz (but had 2 oz watered down at 6 am) bottle yest am, then 6, then another 6/6.5...and then woke up at 2:30 and since he was crying pretty good and I knew we went down to 4 bottles and he could be doing his GS I fed him.  He took a 4 oz bottle.  Wasn't sucking it like crazy but definitely took it a lot easier than his am bottle.  What do you think?

[~inbalance~]

Morning!   

Alyssa, I am not familiar with bottle feeding, but if you think it's a GS, then 4 bottles might be worth a shot.  But like I said, I'm pretty clueless with bottles!

Sorry about your night Liz.  I think it sounds like teething as it seems to be pretty random waking and difficulty settling.  But a tummyache is a good thought too.  Was he scrunching his legs up?  That's how usually know Tristan's tummy is bugging him, he scrunches into a ball.  I hope you get your days/nights sorted out soon.  In the meantime, if you're looking to rid yourself of some of that daytime sleep, package it up and send it over here. 

Our night was okay.  2 NWs - it's weird, nights are either 1 NW at 3:30, or 2 NWs at 2:00 and 4:50, and ALWAYS within 2 minutes (I check the clock, I swear he cries at the same time on the dot!).  Then the usual 5:45 EW (on the dot as well!).  Only difference today is I left him, and I don't know if he went back to sleep or not, but I feel back asleep and didn't hear him again unil 6:55!     DH had gotten up and said he had been quiet, and it's not like him to play on his own in his crib, so I'm pretty sure he went back to sleep for that hour.  I hope that's the first step in getting him to sleep later!

I'm with you Liz, I REFUSE to start the day before 6:30!!  That's just stupid talk! 

So, not only is he now crawling and sitting, but he's climbing too!  Oh boy, DH said this morning "oh no, he's going to be as accident prone as me and as fearless as your brother - we're in trouble!"     Yikes!

Anyways, I hope the rest of your anniversay was lovely Alyssa.    We have our last cooking class today, then I can share all the recipes with you!  I'm sad that it's over   I can't afford to take the next series, but they do sell the recipes for 10-12 months (chunkier foods, lots of finger foods - will be good for you guys!) and toddler stuff. 

Have a great day! 

[Isabellasmummy]

Martina- your little man with be working by 10 months, Isabella is so lazy.

We had a really bad night again she was awake for hours and wouldn't go back to sleep so after nearly 3 hours I took her in bed with me eventally went to sleep at 3am until just after 7am.... this is doing my head in!!! what the hell am i doing so wrong!

Alyssa- glad you had a good anniversary, did you get some well needed you time?


Looking over the last few replies you talked about weight and food, I have the other problem, Bella has always piled on weight.

She is 26lbs at the moment, which is big, but she is very tall, she eats well, but no more then other babies her age.

I think because she has always been such a static baby she never really excercises.

I thought that crawling(Army) would help but doesn't seem too.
Does anyone know of any toys I could try to encourage more movement.

You can't put a baby on a diet.
x