What a mess!! Need advice!!

[kal]

I've been doing EASY since DD was about a month old and here we are 3 months later and still not on any type of real schedule, I feel like I can't get anything to stick and I don't know what I'm doing wrong!! Here is our history, what am I doing wrong??

--DD is 4 months now and has reflux which are controlled by meds, in the last month we've finally got full control of her reflux meds and also found a formula that helps with her gas issues.

--She eats 5oz every 3 to 3 1/2 hrs, I've tried to get her to 4 hrs with no luck so far. We also have issues with feeding times due to short naps and nap time/feeding time falling over each other

--She does not wake to often overnight, normally she wakes to eat between 1/2 am and then again between 4/5am, she normally give us a hard time going back to bed after a feeding, the hardest time being at the 4/5 am feeding, she seems to want to be up for the day then. She wakes up screaming to eat and after a feeding if we try to put her back in the crib she'll also scream, patting and giving her a binky does not seem to help unless we want to be there for an hour patting her   

--She wakes in the morning as early as 530am (this is the norm) and as late at 630am but wants to eat right away since its normmally been 4 hrs or so since her last feeding. I'd be ok with starting the day around 6am but I've love for her first feeding to be 7 or 730am if possible so we can end the day around that time. I've tried giving her less at the 530am feeding and then feeding her again around 7am but she gives us an even harder time if she does not have a full feed at 530am!!
I've tried putting her to bed at 630pm and she still wakes up early in the am and still twice at night to eat if not more. We've also tried a DF and she still woke up for her normal bottles overnight.

--She can go about 1 hr 45 min between sleep, I try sometimes 2 hrs, her naps are all over the place, most are 20-45 min and she wakes up crying, I try to extend them but that is hit or miss. Sometimes she gives me 1 1/2 hrs but that's not the norm. I've tried to do W2S but its hard with a 4 yr old at home who needs me. We try to swaddle because she tends to sleep longer that way but she really is fighting it these days

---I've been putting her to sleep drowsy but awake 95% of the time since 1 month, I have to stay with her and pat her till she falls asleep otherwise she starts crying and gets really worked up, she goes to bed between 630p and 7pm. It normally takes me about 20-30 min to get her to bed if she's not overtired and I try not to pick her up to sooth unless she's really crying hard.

A few times over the last week we've been out so she had a full bottle at 530pm and then a short nap in the car after that and then another top off around 730pm with bed around 8pm, she slept from 8pm-3am, eat and and then got up for the day around 615am, this worked out really well but the issue I have is keeping her up at home till 8pm since her naps are so short and she's already taking 4 or so a day with the last being around 5pm for 20 min or so.
I know she should be on a 4 hr easy but I just can't seem to get there. I work part time and she 's with my sister 3 days a week, she's good about making sure she gets her naps but it's hard for her to follow to much of a strict schedule since she had 3 other kids there and has school pick up and drop off sometimes naps and bottles fall at times she's not home so she'll have to feed her earlier then normal.  I feel like with all these issues I can't figure anything out and don't know what to do first..help!!           

[3babies]

((((big hugs))))

So sorry you're having such a hard time. My advice is to pick one issue to start with, make a plan and stick to it for at least 3 days to give it a chance to work. Hopefully, resolving one of your issues will have a knock-on effect for the others.

I would start with the night feeds because you can be consistent there, as it's always you, and your older child will be asleep Once you've cracked that and got some good night rest behind you, move on to naps.
If the 4/5am feed is causing the most upset then drop that first. Be committed to dropping it, even though she will give you a hard time about it for a few nights, it's what is best for you all in the long run. You could offer water or a dummy instead of the milk, or do ssshh/pat or PUPD. Whatever method you think will work best for your LO, pick it and stick to it until you get the result you want. It may only take 3 days or so because LO is so young, just don't give up. It will be hard and she will cry but you must stick to it if you want to eliminate the feed.
If she usually wakes at 5 and you say you're happy to start your day at 6, then it's only an hour before you'll feed her and she certainly won't starve in that time She should then take a great big feed at 6 and may be able to go closer to 4 hours before the next feed, getting you towards 4hour EASY. If she's put up a big fight between 5 and 6, she'll need a short A time - watch for her cues carefully and get her down quick to improve her chances of a long nap. If you can get this part of the day sorted, the rest of the day will go much better.

HTH keep us posted

[kal]

So you don't think if she eats at 1am that she is really needing to eat at 5 or 530am?

[3babies]

I think at 4 months she'll be able to go that extra hour to where you want to start your day.
All babies are different but by 4 months you can really push for LO taking in her calories through the day rather than at night. The first time you make her wait she will be hungry but that hunger will be satisfied at 6am and her new pattern of taking in more through the day will then begin. I know you're also dealing with reflux so you don't want to overfeed her but making the day feeds bigger is the key to less nightfeeds.

[kal]

Thanks, last night she ate at 5pm (4oz) and then again at 715pm (4oz) but really have me a hard time going to sleep so bed was not till after 8pm. She woke at 230am and ate 5oz and then went back to sleep but still worke at 530am fussing/crying, I went in and gave her the binky and she still fussed, I went in to get her around 6am and finally feed her around 620am. I'm going to up her daytime bottles to 6oz today and see what happens tonight

[3babies]

Sounds good. Keep me updated with how you get on

[kal]

Well still having the early AM wake up, she wakes up crying not even just fussing and there is no putting her back to sleep even with rocking her...

Here is the roountine from a few days ago...should I make any changes?

Wake at 545am

E-- 600am
A
S---800 am---840am

E--940am
A--
S--- 1000am--1150am (In carseat)

E--1:00pm
A--
S---1:15pm--1:45pm

E--400pm
A--
S-- 420 PM---4:40pm

E--- 620pm
A--
S--- Bed at 630pm (did not fuss going down)

Woke at 345am for a bottle and would not go back to sleep for an hour, I finally got her back to bed and she slept till 715am

[3babies]

So you've successfully dropped the 5am feed, right? And between bedtime and 6am wake up there's just one night feed now? If this is the case, then I'd move on to try lengthening naps. Accept your wake-up time as 6am every morning and go for a 4hour routine. If LO is awake but not distressed in cot before 6am then don't go in to her. If she's still asleep at 6am, then go wake her to get the routine started (lie-ins can come later once you're sorted . Also, send yourself to bed early whenever you can so that you're ready for the day at 6
 
Ideally, for 4hour EASY, if you start each day at 6am, then you want her to nap 8-10am, 12-2pm, then catnap 4-4:45pm, then bedtime at 6pm. The catnap shouldn't be a problem for a short napper so it's just the two long naps where you need to put in the work.

What do you do to settle LO generally? I'm just trying to get an idea of what LO would best respond to to lengthen naps. Have you tried wake to sleep in the past? If you already feel like you've tried everything and nothing's worked, then I'd go for PUPD. It's really hard work but it is very effective and once LO is used to it you can rely on it as a tool for any nap / bedtime problems in the furture. The key is consistency (and mental strength ). How do you feel about giving it a go?

[kal]

Yes, we only have one true night feeding at this point, normally around 2 or 3 am the issue were having is the 530am wake up for the day, we've only slept till 6am maybe 2 times, I'm totally fine with a 6am wakeup time but we just can't seem to get there. She wakes up at 530am screaming and nothing can get her back to sleep even rocking
I'm tried a bedtime as early as 630pm and still the 530am wake up. I'm scared to move her bedtime earlier because I'm afraid she'll wake more often at night to eat, she sometimes fights us on going back to sleep

We use patting and her paci to settle her in the crib and it works ok to get her to sleep and naps or if she wakes from an early nap its hit or miss.
I've never tried W2S with the early am waking because I'm afraid I'll mess it up, how do you suggest doing it for a 530am wakeup?

The other issue I have is my sister watches her 3 days a week, she has 3 kids to drop off and pickup from school so sometimes naps end up being in the car seat vs the crib
She tries to have her sleep in the crib as often as possible but it's not always possible.

Any advice you can give would be great..thanks!!
 
   

[kal]

Oh here is an idea of what today looked like so far, she's in bed now for the night

Wake for day at 530am

E---530am
A
S--730am-830am

E--930am
A
S---930am-10am and then again 11am--1130am

E--1230pm
A--
S---130pm---420pm

E--430pm and top up at 615pm
A--
S--- 630pm for night, she woke up at 7pm crying I padded her back to sleep
 

[3babies]

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I had my in-laws staying and then the site went down so I haven't been around for ages

For W2S to stop the 5:30am wake, you would disturb her at 4:30am for at least 3 mornings running. This will break the pattern. Just move her slightly, until you see a change in breathing or a movement - not eyes open.

For naps, you need to disturb her 30 mins after she fell asleep (fully asleep not counting wind-down).