OK girl, let's do this thing!
First off, you're probably going to want to start this process on a weekend or whenever you have at least 2 consecutive days off work. You may want to even cash in some vacation time OR enroll DH and/or grandparents to help out so that you can see this thing thru to the end.
The good news is it will probably be hell for a day or two and then you'll be amazed at how well he adapts. The bad news is the only way this works is if you are absolutely CONSISTENT! Once we ditch bottles/night feeds, there's no going back or you're just back at square 1.
So, since LO is 17 months old we don't have to worry about him getting too *little* milk. Max milk/day for this age group is 16 oz. And since he's on solids you can substitute cheese/yogurt/other dairy for milk. So don't let him not drinking milk for a few days worry you one iota. In fact, he's probably got some major nutritional issues right now if THAT much of his diet is from milk. He'll do much better to be eating other foods instead!
Step 1: Ditch all the bottles. Since he's 17 months, I suggest making a big deal about it. We gave ours to Santa Claus.
But that's because my son's b-day is Dec 28. For you, I might suggest saying something like "There are SO many babies who need ba-bas! Now that you're a big boy it's time to help the babies and give them yours!" Then you put all the bottles in a bag and take them somewhere. You can call ahead to a local nursery/daycare and just have them play along where you bring the bottles by and they say thank you and then you see all the babies with ba-ba's (not nec. yours!) and how happy they are. Then let's go out and buy him some SPECIAL 'big boy' cups. i'm sure you already have tons of sippies, but let's make a deal out of this and go shopping TOGETHER. Let him pick which sippy he wants, maybe one with a cool character on it. You might even have a big boy 'party' for him with a balloon and family members saying hooray etc.
Step 2: No more feeding to sleep! You just have to cut it cold turkey. The first night's going to be hard b/c he's drinking so much at night he probably willb e genuinely hungry. But he also sounds like he's an oral child who just enjoys sucking. Let's make sure we have a substitute comfort item ready to go, whether that be a blankie or a stuffed animal he can mouth if he wants. I don't know if he does paci's but that's also a suitable replacement. In other words we don't just want to take his comfort from him but make sure he has a comfort alternative. He won't LIKE the alternative at first, but given no other options he'll adapt!
Step 3: At each NW, you are going to comfort your child to sleep. Like I said, we can't just steal his comfort away and offer him nothing. That's why WI/WO isn't going to work here. Instead we're going to use Gradual Withdrawal (GW). So, the first 2-3 nights, you are going to comfort him in whichever way he prefers -- be that in the rocking chair, holding his hand, rubbing his back, whatever. You're going to stay until he falls asleep. After those first 2-3 nights, you are then going to stay next to his bed while he falls asleep, but you aren't going to touch him any more. You can use words of comfort, however. After 2 nights like that, you are going to move your chair away from his bed a bit, but not quite to center of room. You can offer words of comfort when you first go in there, but after that you're just going to sit there quietly. If he gets hysterical you can absolutely give him a hug and hold him until he calms, but then you go right back to your chair until he falls asleep. Every 2 days we will move the chair until you are outside his room, and then outside his room AND out of sight.
I suspect after even just one night of this he will start making up the calorie deficit during the day. If he wants milk you will offer it in a cup. If he won't drink it that way, that's fine! He'll be just fine without milk for a few days. He'll either eventually drink it or you'll just make up for it with dairy. That's actually what we ended up doing it. I have a Touchy who just refused to drink milk in a cup. It went that way for over a year! Ped was fine as he ate plenty of cheese & yogurt. Now a month ago he's started drinking chocolate soy milk in a cup. We're slowly watering down choc with regular until hopefully we'll be regular only at some point. You can try offering chocolate milk in a cup if you liek to help get him used to drinking milk that way. For him milk isn't just food, it's comfort. It's how he's comforting himself. Since you're taking the bottle away entirely you can expect a VERY needy child for a few days. That's OK! Offer him other kinds of comfort -- your presence, your words, etc. and make sure he has a lovey he can turn to if he needs it.
Sound like a plan?
Your child NEEDS a good night's sleep! He's been rewarded with sucking and milk at those NWs, which is why he's doing it. Remove the reward and I think he'll be STTN very very soon. So hang in there! All the sacrifice will be worth it! Just get your ducks in a row so that if you're tired it won't matter -- either get some support family members in place or take some time off work. In the long run, a little time off work now will pay huge dividends later because YOU will finally get some much needed sleep! Not to mention your child needs it for growth and development, so to be a healthy child STTN is essential.
