2yr old playing up at nap time

[nandn]

Hi there,

I've tried to read other posts as I'm certain there are similar ones to my problem but computer keeps freezing on me so I'll have to do this instead.

DD1 has always been a good napper, except during teething when naps tend to go out the window. We've had an unsettled last 4 months staying with family but back home now. Naps were up and down over that time but as soon as we got home she was back into her old great habits. Easy to settle down, 1 1/2 - 2hr naps.

Last 2 weeks though she will go through naptime routine fine (even say she is tired, she  yawns, rubs eyes, looks tired etc) but as soon as I leave the room she will start playing. Nicely and in bed at first, with a soft toy or a book but she gets louder and more active as time goes by(and gets out of bed). She will not give up and fall asleep if I just leave her be. The only way i've gotten her to sleep is by lying with her (asleep within about 10mins) or taking her for a walk in the stroller. Again she'd be asleep within 10 mins. Having a baby as well I can't always lie with her (not that I want to get into that habit either) nor can i always go for a walk if DD2 is asleep.

If she has no nap the afternoon becomes a major battle. The 'quiet' time in her room is not enough for a peaceful afternoon. I believe she still needs her nap as she will go down usual time (by 7pm) even with a 2 hr nap. I suspect she may be getting her last molars which may be causing her to play up at nap time but even with teething meds she still plays around and does not go to sleep. (she's not palying up at bedtime) I really need her to have that nap as I find the afternoon/ dinner time too hard to handle otherwise by myself (DH away for another month) and also having an 8m old baby to feed/bath at same time, and DD1 does not seem to be able to go all day without a nap.


Here's her routine at mo:
7am wake up, get dressed, breakfast.
playtime, activity 9-11ish, morning tea within that time
11.30-12ish lunch then quiet play or story time with mum
1pm down for nap - nappy on, story, lights out, lullabies.
3pm-ish afternoon tea, playtime, outside play if warm enough
5pm dinner, quiet play in lounge, bath with sister,
6ish, warm milo, sit quietly in sisters room while I'm feeding and putting DD2 to bed
6.30 brush teeth, story, potty, lullabies, lights out, usually asleep by7pm

sleeps through the night tho last few nights has woken up occasionally but easily resettles with some reassurance. She does keep asking at bedtime and naptime if I can stay with her. I'm on my own with the girls at the moment (DH been on a course and living away from home for last 4 months) so maybe some separation anxiety, I do reassure her and tell her what I'll be doing (dishes, preparing dinner etc) and she can usually hear me in the house anyway.


Any suggestions? Do I not put her down at all? Will she then get in the habit of not having a nap anymore at all? Do I put her down earlier? Later? The last few days I've put her down later without success. I ended up going for walk and she falls asleep around 2 -2.30 and sleeps for a good hour.

[becky1969]

I have to wonder if 2 yr molars are starting to make their appearance.  Even if you're not seeing them yet, they may be beginning to bother her.  Teething can make kids more tired than usual -- and it sounds like sleep disturbance often goes with teeth for this kid.

My guess is she's OT due to teething, and so her usual naptime isn't working for her -- she's a bit OT so plays WAY past her sleep window.  Also, at age 2 there is often a bit of SA that happens and teeth can make that worse.  That could be what's causing the extra neediness you're seeing -- plus, just teeth alone makes them want a bit more comfort.

I'd try a 12:30 nap and see how that works for 3 days.  We had to do this ourselves at around age 2.  Then 3 months later we were able to move nap forward by an hour.

[nandn]

Ok, thanks for that. I have put her down earlier today, to start of with very promising but then something obviously gets her past the relaxed I'm about to fall asleep point and off we go, usual story. Playing, gets louder, whining starts, yelling starts, etc and I've got her asleep an hour later by lying with her...again.

Any advice on how I deal with the getting up and playing part. Should I give her a soft toy (she used to go to sleep fine with quite a few in bed with her) or book, or nothing at all. She's not overly attached to anyone soft toy in particular, tends to swap and change. Do I let her play for a few mins then come back in and tell her that's it? and then what?...she is very strong willed and will say NO, not want a sleep, rest, lie down.... whatever and game is on. Do I leave the door closed and let her go for it? Door open?

I think she is probably using naptime to get more attention (negative or not) from me but as soon as i give her more attention during the day she'll want even more - give her an inch and she will take 10 miles!! I'm finding it very hard to balance her and her sister at the moment and get meals and washing done (never mind the rest of the housework).

[becky1969]

I think you are absolutely right that baby plays a part.  A psychologist I listen to on the radio says "A child would rather be praised than punished, but would rather be punished than ignored." Isn't that the truth! If she is a good girl and goes right to sleep, no interaction with you! Acting up she gets attention -- sure it's negative, but it's attention!

I've had a few toddler moms with similar problems recently.  Here's some of the ideas we came up with.

1) Reward chart! This is a FABULOUS age for reward charts.  A sticker alone can make a toddler move mountains, LOL.  So, start a reward chart and tell her that if she is quiet in her room during nap time she gets a sticker! Show her the chart, show her the stickers BEFORE nap.  Then let her pick one after nap period is over.  Start with just rewarding for playing quietly.  Then after you get nap timing better then you can reward for sleeping instead of playing.

2) Start giving her 1:1 time as her reward for every 2-3 stickers.  Tell her that if she is quiet for nap time she can have a tea party with just mommy, park time with just daddy, McDonald's playland with mommy & daddy (sissy stays with grandma or whatever).  Something you know she'd like.

3) Start really playing up how she's a 'big girl' and all the neat things big girls do that babies can't.  This even works with my guy, and he doesn't have any siblings! LOL! He LOVES hearing about how he can run, babies can't.  He can eat food, babies can't.  He can watch movies, babies can't.  Etc. etc. etc.  So, along with pointing out all the cool big girl things, also start catching her doing things RIGHT.  So, if she puts a toy away BIG praise.  If she throws trash away when you ask her to, BIG praise.  You can also have her be your assistant with baby, and tell her that having a baby is such a BIG job -- you're so glad you have her to help you! Makes mama so happy!  That kind of stuff.  Make her proud ot be a big girl and also she'll be tripping over herself to prove it to you!

4) Along with all this praise and talking about BG stuff, you're then going to outline what is expected fo her at naptime.  As parents we often forget to tell our children what our expectations are.  We think it's obvious because we get mad when they don't meet the expectations, or else it seems just common sense.  But they're toddlers! They have VERY limited life experience and everything isn't so obvious to them.  Great example: a friend of mine had 2 boys 14 months apart.  She'd take them to the park and they'd immediately run in opposite directions! Finally she decided that in the car on the way to the park she'd tell them what was expected (stay within mommy's sight, etc. etc.).  Voila! Problem solved! Seems common sense that kids shouldn't run off, she yelled at them about it all the time.  But she'd never TOLD them that.  Same here -- be very explicit about acceptable nap time behavior.  For right now, I think playing is OK but it must be done quietly.  Once you get nap time sorted, then you can be clear that you expect her to stay in her bed and try to sleep or whatever.  Just be very clear.


As for how to treat things until other methods work, you leave her unless she's crying.  What I did when we went thru a phase like this (nap timing turned out to be our issue as well) was I let him play for 30 minutes.  Then I went back in his room and said "Honey, it's sleepy time.  Would you like one more rock?" Then we'd sit in the rocker for 5 minutes and I'd sing his sleepy song (the last step in our normal wind down).  Then back in crib and he'd often fall back to sleep.  You can try something like that, if you'd like.  I have a textbook/touchy, so that relaxed him.  If your DD is spirited it may cause more problems, so take that advice for what it's worth!


I REALLY believe that if you adjust nap timing that this won't be as big of an issue anymore, but feel free to institute some of the other ideas in the meantime while you experiment with nap time!