I'm not even sure where to start

[jesslk]

First time poster here - hi to all!

I just don't know what to do so I thought maybe you folks would have some ideas about where to start.  Sorry in advance for such a long post, but I think the history is important to see how I got here.  Thanks in advance for reading.

My daughter is 19 weeks old today.  The first couple of weeks were very hard because she refused to sleep except when held.  We tried EVERYTHING but nothing worked - she wouldn't stay down for more than an hour MAX (and usually far less).  We eventually got her to sleep for longer stretches by putting her on her side with those little sleep positioners.  That worked at night, but during the day she always needed to be held (at least I was getting sleep at night, right?) - the good news was that when she did wake at night she would eat and go right back to sleep with no crying - it's still rare for her to cry at night (really at all).  Out of desperation, we ended up letting her sleep on her stomach at about 9 weeks and it was a miracle!  She started sleeping through the night (8 - 7) every night and would take naps.  Her naps were almost always 30-40 minutes, but I was so excited about the STTN.  And she usually slept for a longer stretch 1 - 2 hours for the first nap, so it wasn't so bad.  Here's the thing, though - she always went to sleep through nursing and/or rocking - NEVER on her own.  About a month ago things went from pretty good to not so good quickly.  All of a sudden she was back up throughout the night and now ALL naps were no more than 40 minutes.  Also, she wants to go much longer in between feeds (went from once every 1-2 hours to once every 3-4).  She's also been teething since 2 months (no teeth yet, but constant discomfort). 

On top of everything, she stopped going to sleep easily - it used to take just a few minutes of nursing / rocking, and all of a sudden was taking up to an hour.  So . . . . this past weekend we started to teach her to go to sleep on her own by letting her cry and it has worked very well.  We're on day 4 and already she only whimpers for a few minutes and then is off to sleep.  (But only for 40 minutes  )

So now I don't know what to do about getting her on a routine of some kind . . . I read BW before my LO was born - I love the book and think the ideas sound great.  I just can't figure out how to implement.  Here are the issues I'm having:

1)  Now that she gets up between 4 - 5 every morning to eat (at least then, most nights also at 11-12), she rarely wants to eat when she wakes up between 7-8.  That gets our whole day off to a rough start.

2) Because she is such a short napper (I have tried w2s and it has been a disaster every time), she definitely doesn't want to sleep every time she wakes up (she ends up with 3-4 naps a day (and her current one is just 50 minutes after waking from the last because she was still so tired    ).  This means that sometimes I end up feeding her before the next nap because that's when she's hungry.  Ugh!!  It's just so frustrating.

3)  She is mostly a very happy baby - except when she's tired.  And these days it seems like the short naps are really taking a toll.  She just isn't refreshed.  I've tried leaving her for a while when she first wakes up, but it usually results in her screaming and then I go get her.  Should I leave her longer?  I'll do it if it will work.   

4) She is also on a bottle strike all of a sudden.  She is EBF, but has been taking a bottle with pumped breast milk since week 2 with no problems.  Then all of a sudden, she is refusing.  I'm starting to feel a little trapped because of it and just don't know what to do to get her to take it again.

OK, that's it -sorry for the rant!  I will say that I read the Healthy Sleep, Happy Child book and have to admit that I love it - it helped a lot to understand about sleep needs and patterns, etc. - and I have used an earlier bedtime with pretty good results in terms of her AM wake time.  The problem is that it doesn't really help give me an idea of WHAT to do in terms of getting her on some kind of schedule.  Like I said, I don't need a strict routine, but if it will help her then I'll do it.  I figured this is the place to come since lots of my friends swear by the BW - I'm just at a loss as to where to start.

Thanks again for reading and any thoughts you might have!

Jess

[jesslk]

Not sure how to edit my original post, but I wanted to add this . . .

Also new is that she now only takes about 10 minutes (sometimes less) with each feed.  She's gaining just fine, so should I just assume she is remarkably efficient?  I do have immediate let down, but still it seems like she is NEVER eating!

[hjrmom01]

I am just posting to let you know that I will be back to help you out but my lo is ALL OVER the place right now and grabbing at the laptop so I can't post right now.  I'll re-read through your post and answer as best as I can...but it may help if you can post a typical day (yesterday, today, a few days ago...anything will do!) in this format so we can take a look:
E: 7:00 (breast fed, how long...bottle fed, how many oz)
A: this includes all the time from the moment awake to the next sleep
S: 9:00-10:30 if you have to intervene with shh/pat or pu/pd write that as
A: 10:30-10:50 shh/pat etc etc

We will help you get things sorted out!!!  In the meantime {{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}

[jesslk]

Thanks for replying so quickly - your post made me feel much less overwhelmed! 

Today's schedule:

E: 4:50AM - aprox 12 min. then would NOT go back down (usually falls right back asleep) - I put her back in her crib but after 20 min. crying off/on I got her and she ate a little bit more (1-2 min.) then started to get drowsy - I put her back in crib and she fell asleep after 2-3 min (very little crying).  Had also gotten up to eat from 11:20 - 11:45 but that time ate and went right back to sleep.

S: slept from 5:50 - 7 AM (usually wakes between 7-8 but previous day was 6:10  )

E: would not eat upon waking (or right before nap (8:20))

A: 7 - 8:10 played w/ DH (I stayed in bed)

S: in crib @ 8:40 light crying off and on for 10 minutes, slept 8:50 - 9:30  (she yawned a couple of times but did not seem all that tired - wasn't sure if I should put her to bed but we were approaching 2 hour mark so I did).

E: 9:30 6-7 minutes BF

A: 9:45 - 10:55 played w/ toys

E: 10:55 nursed for 5 minutes

S: in crib @ 11 mix babble / light crying for 10-15 minutes, slept 11:05-11:40 (unsuccessful w2s)

A: up for 50 minutes after nap but VERY fussy - still clearly exhausted so next nap was just an hour later

S: in crib @ 12:35 - asleep by 12:43, slept until 1:20

E: 1:20, 10 minutes BF

A: 1:30 - 3:10 played and went out to stores, mostly good spirits

S: again she seemed maybe tired but it could go either way, decided to try for nap so that she would not be OT for bed (we do bath and bed routine from 5 - 6 and in crib by 6), but she cried more this time and then only slept for 5 minutes.  Was clearly tired when I got her, but didn't want to let her sleep at that point (3:40).

A: played and went for long walk to get us to the 5 PM mark.  Somewhat fussy but was ok since mostly held and entertained the whole time (usual for late afternoon).  Offered to nurse a couple of times but not interested.

A: 5 - 5:15 Bath (her FAVORITE time of day - loves loves loves her tubby time!) at 5PM - immediately gets very fussy when putting PJs on (since birth, not sure why since she usually loves to get dressed, etc.). 

E: Refused to eat (offered bottle and breast) for 10 - 15 minutes.  Put her in the pack n play w/ mobile and waited for her to demand me to come back.  Finally started to nurse at 5:35, nursed for 10 - 15 minutes.

S: Fell asleep while nursing.  Put her in crib at 5:50 but she immediately woke up and started to scream like I've never heard.  Rushed back in b/c I thought she was in pain - picked her up and she screamed louder.  I offered to nurse to calm her and she ate for 30 seconds and fell right back asleep.  Little bugger tricked me     I put her back in crib @ 6 PM, she screamed like crazy for one minute and then was asleep two minutes later.

And that's been my day so far . . . I'm tired just typing it! 

My big issues are - how to get her to be on a better eating schedule (start eating when waking between 7 - , should I try and get her to nap at the same time every day (9, 1, 3, eg), and what I can do besides w2s for longer naps - I'm considering letting her cry for a while when she wakes, but it is so hard for me to do that to her when I don't know if it will work - it is easier for going to sleep initially because then I KNOW she will eventually sleep.

Thanks again for any advice you can offer!

Jess

Edited to add:  Last night she woke up at 10:30 and fussed off/on for over half an hour - it was clear her teething was bothering her. She never did full-on crying and was mostly laying down to sleep (we have a video monitor) so I didn't go in, but then she popped right back up at 11:15 and started whimpering again so I went in and fed her so that I could go to bed myself.  It was 11:35 when I put her down and she slept until 5:50 - but now she's up for the day which I hate.  I prefer it wen she gets up between 4 - 5 and goes back down until 7-8.  I am thankful for almost 6 hours of sleep though!

[jesslk]

Of course, she just slept for an hour and 40 minutes this morning!  No idea how/why - it's the first time in weeks she's gone longer than 40 minutes.  I know babies are unpredictable but it's just so frustrating knowing she is capable of normal naps, but rarely takes them.

[hjrmom01]

 have not forgotten about you!  Long night at work last night, DH took the laptop to work with him...had to run to the firestation to post this!  I will DEFINITELY reply with some help and answers tomorrow.  Hang in there.  Great job on the am nap!  What A time did you use??

[jesslk]

Not sure what you mean . . .

Today she got up at 5:50  and we had A time until she went down @ 7:45, so she was up for almost two hours.  Then the rest of the day:

E: 9:30 - 9:36

A: 9:35 - 10:45

S: 10:55 - 11: 25  - she had gotten very fussy which is usually the sign - she babbled and did some crying (light) for ten minutes then went to sleep for 40 minutes (the usual)

E: 11:40 - 11:46

A: 11:45 - 1:45

S: 1:50 - 2:20 (got woken prematurely because of lots of noise in the house - carpets being cleaned)

E: 2:25 - 2:30

A: 2:30 - 3:30 - lots of noise still in the house which she didn't like.  I mostly just held her and walked around outside on our patio.  She was OK but a little fussy/clingy.  Definitely could have used more sleep (kept putting her head on my shoulder).

S: TRIED to get her to take a nap @ 3:30 but she was having none of it even though I could tell she was tired.  Left her to fuss for 5-6 minutes and then went in.  It was clear (video monitor) that she wasn't going down.

E: 3:40 - 3:43

A: 3:43 - 4:30 (she was exhausted at this point and I was just trying to stretch her as long as possible so that she wasn't going down rediculously early

In bath at 4:35, then nurse and in Bed and asleep (only 30 seconds of crying) by 5:15 - earliest bedtime ever and I'm very nervous to see how it goes tonight.


Just to note - I have tried in the past to keep her A longer to see if it results in a longer nap but it doesn't seem to help.  Thanks for checking in - looking forward to getting your thoughts!

[hjrmom01]

Have you tried treating the 5:50 wake up as a NW? With FF babies a lot of times moms will dilute the bottle until it's water so the baby stops waking for it...hard to do with BF...but instead you can try decreasing the amt of time.  Has your lo always woken this early or is it something new??  What is she doing when she wakes that early? Is she happy, crying for you, quiet? H sometimes will wake up early and as long as he isn't crying for me, I leave him until our wake up time. I refuse to get up before 6:45 at the earliest. 

What can happen with the EW and using A times, your lo can start to rely on the first nap being early so there is no point in sleeping in since she knows she'll be able to go back to sleep in a short while.  There are a few options you can try: ignore the EW time (this depends really on what type of baby you have...touchy, spirited, angel, textbook, grumpy...have you done the quiz to know?) you can try to resettle with shh/pat or PUPD, and then start your day as you normally would. 

A lot of times lo can give tired cues at their OLD sleepy times or even when they are bored.  Have you tried to change activities to see if that helps?  If she slept from 7:45-9:30 and then went back down for a nap at 11 she probably was NOT tired enough, thus the short nap.  If she's almost 5 months then we'd expect her A time to be closer to 2-2.25, but every baby is different! 

After the 40 min nap at 11, she did almost 2.5 hrs!  So I would expect an OT for sure. I think she's getting OT as the day goes on and that's why the EW.  After a short nap her A time needs to be reduced to avoid OT, usually 15-20 min but watch cues closely!  What do you think???