Need help - I'm desperate!

[scraggles]

My LO has never been a great night sleeper, but lately it has just gotten terrible. 
This was my night last night:
7:15- last feed before bed
7:30 - asleep
8:00 - wake, replace soother, back asleep
10:30 - wake, feed, back asleep
11:00 - wake, replace soother, shoosh pat, back asleep
2:00 am - wake, feed
and I kid you not, she did NOT FALL BACK ASLEEP after 2 am.  She would sit cooing in her bassinet, wide awake, every once in a while fussing or crying in which case I would pick her up.
at 5 am, my hubby just took her downstairs she finally fell asleep around 6:30 and slept until 7:30 am

It seems as though she has her days and nights mixed up, but I don't know how as she hardly naps during the day (another problem I'm having).  Should I try increasing her awake time (right now about 1.5 hours before needing a nap)
I know I'm probably doing a lot of things wrong, including using the pacifier as a prop.  I desperately need help though and any advice is appreciated.  I don't know if I can take another night like that one
TIA

[scraggles]

Just wanted to add that DD is 3.5 months old, if that helps.

[anna*]

I know it's probably difficult but can you post what an 'average' (or at least, yesterday) routine looks like?

E: (eat: how much and what time)
A: (awake: what time and for how long)
S: (sleep: what time and for how long).
Start with the morning and go through 24 hours.

[scraggles]

Sure, well as I mentioned she has been taking very short naps lately, so I will post the schedule I have been using with her short naps rather than the old *sigh* perfect nap times lol.

All E - about 10 minutes long (BF)  She is a pretty efficient eater, has been since birth

Morning wake - between 7 and 7:30
E: BF, about 10 minutes, she is usually very excited to start the day in the morning and is a bit too distracted to eat
A: 1.5 hours (including E)
S: 9:00 - 9:30-45

E: 10:00 (and here is where I run into problems, the short naps mess with her EASY schedule)
A: 1.5 hours (including E)
S: 11:15 - 12:00

E: 12:15
A: 1.5 hours (including E)
S: 1:30 - 2:15

E: 2:30
A 1.5 hours (including E)
S: 4-4:45

E: 5
A: up until bedtime, including bath, massage, pjs
E: 7-7:15
S: 7:30

Now nighttimes are VERY erratic, almost impossible for me to give a schedule.  A REALLY good night, she is out until 1, feed, 4, feed and has trouble falling back asleep
I am usually very tired and go to bed early so I'm not awake for a dream feed, or she wakes before 11 to feed
Bad night, up every 2 hours, I usually feed every 4 at night need be.
She almost always has trouble falling back asleep after the second nighttime feed.



E

[anna*]

OK well first things first, she's not going to manage a 1.5hr A time after a short nap without overtiredness starting to set in. And OT will really mess with her night time sleep. Could she be a bit undertired for her first nap, is she showing good tired cues at 1.5hrs?

Now, part of this is developmental. It is totally normal for the short nap monster to make a prolonged visit around 3-4-5 months. It gets better around 6 months. Have you tried being in the nursery with her from about 25mins to see what happens? Does she wake up happy and wanting to play, or crying and still tired?

[scraggles]

Well I tried extending her A time today to 1 hour 45 minutes, and she did take a nice long 2 hour nap first thing, although it may just be that she was catching up from not sleeping last night.
She usually shows pretty strong cues.  I try to get her back down after her short naps, but her eyes are wide open and as soon as she sees me she starts cooing and it's no go.  Every once in a while she will only be able to handle just over 1 hour awake time, but then still has another short nap after.

[anna*]

I know what you mean, I never had a lot of luck extending naps unless I was in there with him before he even opened his eyes. Is your instinct that she is overtired? Does she seem tired when she wakes, or wide awake and happy and ready to play? If she's awake and happy, is she OK to just lie quietly in her crib for a little while, maybe she will just take herself back off to sleep? I would see if she can do another 1hr45 mins A after that nice long nap, and see if you can get another one.

[scraggles]

Ok, thanks for the advice, I extended her A times a bit, and she got in two long naps yesterday, one short one.  (I'm hoping she didn't just take the long naps to catch up on her missed sleep last night.)  I am sort of trying to transition her to 3.5 hour easy on advice of another BWer and see if it helps.  Tonight was much better, still needs a LOT of improvement but better.  This was what happened yesterday, do you still think she was OT because of the long stretch at the end of the day?  I tried to get her down for another catnap around 6 but she wouldn't go:
wake - 7:30
E-7:30
A - (Including E) 7:30-9:15
S - 9:15 - 11:15

E- 11:20
A (Including E) 11:15 - 1:05
S - 1:05-2:30

E- 2:40
A(Including E) - 2:30 - 4:15
S - 4:15 - 4:50

E - 5:30
A (Including E, bath and bedtime routine) 4:50 - 7
E - 7 - 7:15
S - in bed sleeping by 7:20-30

night:
wake, 8, reinsert soother, pat, back to sleep
wake 11:15, feed, back to sleep
wake 1 ish, reinsert soother, pat, back to sleep
wake 2:30, feed, back to sleep
wake 5:30, pat back to sleep
wake 6:15, feed, wide awake, woke up for the morning

I usually feed her at night if reinserting the soother and pat doesn't get her back to sleep

This is bareable, but I would really (for both her sake and mine) like her to be able to fall back asleep on her own.  I always give her a chance to once I start hearing noises but it soon escalates to crying if I don't jump in, which only wakes her more.
TIA

[anna*]

Glad you had a better night. What do you think about the soother, do you think it's causing her to wake up when she loses it? Or she can't get back to sleep without it? Frm here, it looks like the soother has become a prop and maybe its time for it to go, what do you think? It sounds like she can't settle herself back to sleep without the soother - and obviously she is far too young to be able to find and replace the soother herself. This often happens with soothers - the question is whether you want to go through the weaning process, or ride it out for a few months until she's old enough to find and replace it herself.

I think the early evening wakings were probably from a bit of OT from two short pm naps - 2hrs A after a 30mins nap is just too long, you could do an early bedtime instead.

[scraggles]

Thanks Anna for your quick responses, you have been such a huge help

Ya, I'm afraid that the soother has become a prop.  I'm assuming she can SOMETIMES fall back asleep without it, and sometimes she can't I guess.  The good thing is that she usually sucks on it at least long enough to fall asleep before she spits it out.  Honestly, I'm scared to death to wean because I really don't know how (I need to reread BWSAYP, as I don't rememeber if there was anything in there about it).  My goal was to wean by 6 months (hubby thinks that's doubtful lol) but I was hoping to first wean from her swaddle, so she can find her thumb but I haven't been having much success with that either.  Although I suppose that's a whole other topic.

Well I just put her down for a nap now, I'm praying it's a long one!

[scraggles]

*sigh* another short nap, about 1/2 hour
So I guess I will wait about an hour to feed her (3.5 hour easy) and she might be ready for another nap soon after that
yikes this is frustrating! hehe

[anna*]

((((hugs))))) I know, it really is. My LO was about 4 months when the dummy started to become a problem, and we had to wean the swaddle at the same time so that he could soothe himself. i'm not going to lie, it was hard hard work, but honestly he slept SO MUCH BETTER once it was gone. IMO it's easier in a way to wean it when they're younger than when they're older.

Don't stress too much about the naps. Do you think she's losing the soother for naps too? I really think a big part of it is developmental - do what you can to help her sleep longer but don't sweat it.

[scraggles]

I think she usually loses the soother pretty quickly after she falls asleep.  Not always though.  Ya, that's sort of what I was thinking too, do it younger so she will "forget" about it in a week or so.