22 mo DD having issues to calm down and rest properly

[Renee's mommy]

Hello to all...
I come here and go pretty erratic and try to post and contribute, but I have received too many good advices here and sorted out many issues with Renee, that now I feel you are the ones to help me....
DD started early kindergarten this week, and has took it rather well i think. She cries a little but I have confirmed (staying hidden) that she only cries while I disappear, and then she goes and starts playing and enjoys herself. Also, when back at home, she is always happy and all chatty about her day (not that I understand all of it, but she comes with a big smile and a huge report). She takes her back pack happily in the morning and is all happy in the way to school, until I have to leave... but that is another issue, just so you know the new circumstances.
Since she started school though, even she was happy and all excited about it, she is been having problems calming and relaxing to get to sleep at night. We have been having to "help" her, up to 10:30. I teach high school (that is why she went to kindergarten this early), and it is getting to be frustrating to start grading at 10:30 when I was supposed to start two hours before, and my bed time is pretty awful, lately.
She did change her routine, and what impresses me the most that days as Tuesday and Thursday, where she has swimming lessons and gets home totally exhausted, she takes this long to get to sleep. She usually gets to sleep by herself, watching a lullaby video, in a portable DVD player we have installed for the purpose, so after the routine of getting a bath, and then getting her last bottle of milk, and teeth washing, which she honestly doesn't do, but at least we pretend, and going in to the room, I (or DH) stay for 10 15 minutes with her, cuddling and holding, and then she relaxes and then she gets to be left alone so she can go to sleep. Later we go in to put the video off.
This week we have done that and as we leave she starts Mom, pupoin (as she calls the pacifier that she uses to sleep and does not suck that much but just rubs around the mattress). Mom, milk. And then you hear noises of the crib, of her, trying to get out.. And she does everything in her power to stay awake as long as possible. The worse part is that you can see she is tired, she is yawning and closing eyes, but she keeps fighting it. I have tried massages, and she seems to enjoy it, but as soon as I leave she starts trying to stay awake again. She is having as well a couple of NW where she call us, and she only stops when she feels our hand in her chest and then dozes off back again! She is starting to have a little bit of dark circles under her eyes (me too!), and she is not particularly OT, but I can see it coming. She is a combination of a spirited and a touchy baby
I will add her actual routine now, including the one on the more tiresome days as Thu and Tue.
7:30-8:00 am, awakes and gets a bottle
8:00 breakfast
8:30 gets dressed and off to school
9:00 starts school
10:30 snack time
1:00 out from school, gets sleep at the car, I put her in her crib and stays sleeping for about 90 min average.
2:30 wakes up
3:00 lunch meal time (please consider that in our culture we eat lunch later during day)
Playing around, toys, fun time, chores at street.
** 5;30, Tue and Thur swimming lessons
6:30-7:00 dinner (light, as a yogurt, fruit or something not harsh for the stomach)
7:00-7:30 bath time
8:00 cuddling time at crib
8:30-9:00 sleep
She has always, always been in the high portion of A time, she has always had short naps and lots of A time, and I don't really know how she can handle it, I have even asked the doctor if it is normal she is not more an sleepy baby, and he says it is OK (DH is the same), but now getting to sleep at 10:30 to 11!! And then she EW, and you can see she is exhausted
Any idea of what is going on and how I can help her overcome this change and get more rest
Thanks in advance
Erika

[nike]

I pop in and out of this forum too, though I haven't been around for a while.  I see you have no replies yet, so I'll give it a go!

Firstly, apologies if I offend - you mentioned in your culture you have a late-ish lunch.  I'm not sure where you're from, not that that has any bearing on my advice, but what jumped out at me was the fact your DD had a bottle, breakfast, snack, late lunch and then what I would give to my boys as a dessert as effectively her main meal for the night.  I realise she's having a late lunch, but she's effectively not having any dinner or main meal at night.  Does she have food intolerances that you have to consider?  Just that you mention you give her yogurt as it's easy on the tummy.  Any chance she might be looking for something more substantial???  If she's not interested in dinner, I would be skipping that morning bottle - oh, and I just read she has a night one too.  At 22 months she doesn't need a bottle.  I would just go straight into breakfast upon waking, with perhaps a sippy cup of milk afterwards, give her a more substantial meal at night and then maybe another sippy of milk as a wind-down more than anything.  If you feel it's too much to drop both bottles at once, I'd definitely drop the morning one altogether and keep the night bottle as part of her night routine if you wish.  I would also definitely clean her teeth after that bottle or at the very least give her a sip of water to swish out the milk residue.  I realise you have posted in the sleep probs section, so you can of course tell me where to shove my advice!!

Ok, that out of the way.  My second point is that at her age she could be experiencing separation anxiety, particularly if she's just started kindergarten.  It may be that she is wanting that extra attention from you at the end of the day that she's missing out on during the day.  If it is SA, you probably just have to ride it out.  This link may be helpful to you:


http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=141&id=1848

I would personally skip the DVD altogether and substitute it with a quiet story and cuddles in your lap whilst you're reading a book together.  I find any form of TV before bedtime to be quite stimulating for my boys.  The TV goes off in our house before dinner and that's it then for the night. 

I don't think her A time currently is too long.  She has about 5.5 hours before nap and similar time after nap and before bed.  My little guy is 2.5 and wakes anywhere from 6.30 a.m., naps about 12.30 for approx 2 hours, and is in bed again by 6.45. 

Your routine otherwise looks good.  I would put her to bed, after a quiet wind-down with stories and give her a litte cuddle, put her in her cot and tell her it's time for sleep and you'll see her in the morning.  I would then leave the room and give her a chance to settle herself.  To be honest, I probably wouldn't go back in at all unless she is bordering on hysterical.  SA can be a very upsetting time for everyone, but you have to be careful your LO doesn't start manipulating the situation.  She might have worked out pretty quickly that she only has to ask for milk or her pacifier and Mummy or Daddy will come back in and give her some attention.  I'm not saying be mean and ignore her, but maybe you could try even a gentle reassurance from the door that Mummy is here and she needs to go to sleep now.

My other thouught was molars.  Is there any chance she might be getting hers?  Try some meds before bed and see if that helps her settle.  She might not be able to articulate that she is sore or uncomfortable, and it just may be the reason she is not setting for a while.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.  I hope someone else will post a reply to you soon that might give you some more helpful advice.  In the meantime, I hope things are improving for you both.
 

PS:  SOrry about the link.  I am having keyboard probs.  Just cut and paste into your browser 

[Katet]

At her age I'd be thinking the DVD would be stimulation, music not so but the lights of a screen & the images would be, that would be the first thing I'd look at stopping as I know my 2 (much older) don't do well going straight from watching TV to bed, they need to have a story & "rest the eyes"
Another thing as she is adjusting to the time away she is probably wanting more of your time, so it might be worth trying to add a bit more cuddle/talk of day into the time in the afternoon.
Finally, you say she falls asleep in the car for her nap, I'm guessing she actually isn't all that good at actually falling asleep & so she is not actually trying to keep herself awake, but actually hasn't got the skills to actually fall asleep without help anymore.
Depending on what you think would work best, I'd try either Gradual withdrawral (GW), where you help her get to sleep, say by rubbing her back until she falls asleep, then slowly stopping that until it is just part of the routine, but being by her while she falls asleep, then gradually moving yourself out of the room... all over a couple of weeks slowly lessening your part in the sleep process.
Or Walk in Walk out, where you keep going back in to tell her it is time for sleep... but I actually think as she seems to have troubles relaxing GW would be better as you would teach her body to relax first.