11wk old STTN with grandparents but not for us!

[Littleone15]

Okay, so I'm pretty frustrated......my 11 wk old DD spent a night with my in laws a few weeks ago, and they said she slept from 11 - 7am - incredible!  She then came home with us and we did usual bedtime at 8pm, and DF at 11, and she slept until about 6am, still pretty good.  But then she started to revert back to waking at 3am, which was unusual before the STTN, she usually would wake at 4 or 5 am, so that frustrated me.  About a week after this, she started to wake around 4am again.  Well, DH and I went away for 3 days for the long weekend, and his parents looked after DD again.  They did the DF around 11pm again, and said she didn't wake again until 6am.  THen my parents had her the next night and she slept until 5:45.  Again, I thought this was great and hoped it would continue when we brought her home again.  Well, of course it didn't last.  She went to bed at her usual time 8pm last night, had a DF around 10:45, but woke at 2:30 - WTH?  So I thought she can't be hungry, so I worked on getting her back to sleep, I had to bounce her and then laid her down and patted her until she settled.  It seemed to work and woke again at 4am, I fed her, and she went back to sleep pretty easily, and didn't wake again until 8:30am.  So what the heck is going on?  I dont' really know what they did during the day with her both days as we were away, but I do know that she slept without being swaddled both times (even though I left explicit instructions that she should be, grrrrrr!)  I really hate it when the grandparents don't listen to my instructions, and I hate it even more that she seems to sleep better for them, and they get all gloaty and proud like they've performed a miracle .  I tried not swaddling her last night to see if that was the solution, however that was a mistake, she just ended up spinning herself around and smushing her head against the crib bars, which just made her even angrier when she woke up (probably from hitting her head  ). 

So I guess what my question is, I know that she CAN sleep through the night, but does that mean that she SHOULD sleep through the night?  Why would she only sleep through for them, but not for us in her familiar crib?  It's so frustrating, and a lot of it is because I can't stand our parents acting like we are just new parents that don't know anything and they know everything.  I can't understand why she would wake at 2:30 am all of a sudden?  I'm fine with her waking at 4 am or so, but not multiple times.  She hasn't done that in over 6 weeks!  Here is a typical EASY day for us, but like I said, not sure what her days were like at the grandparents.  Also her routine seems to change from week to week, it isn't always the same.  Sometimes she won't take a long late afternoon nap, this will be the beginning of catnaps only.  Sometimes she takes 2 catnaps, sometimes 1, just depends how long she slept for late afternoon nap.  She has never had three 1.5 hr naps, so I figure one 3 hr nap in the afternoon is acheiving the same amount of sleep. We're also dealing with some reflux issues which I'm taking her to the doctor for soon:

Wake/Eat - 8:30am
A - 8:45 - 9:30
S - 9:30 - 10:30

She sometimes won't sleep longer than 45mins/1 hr for first nap, could this be UT?  I follow her cues though and she is yawning so that's why I put her to nap.  I try to get her back to sleep but it doesn't work, so I just get her up so her EASY is a little wonky somedays, it's more AEAS.

A - 10:30 - 11:15
E - 11:15
A - 11:30 - 12
S - 12:00 - 3:15

E - 3:15
A - 3:30 - 4:30
S - 4:30 - 5:20

E - 5:20
A - 5:30 - 6:30
S - 6:30 - 7:00

A - 7:00 - 7:45 (low key play and bath time routine)
E - 7:45
S - 8:00 pm
DF - 10:30/11pm

Like I said, I never minded if she woke at 4 am, I don`t expect her to sleep through until 7 am, but I`m confused as to why she is all of a sudden reverting to waking twice in a night.  I really don`t see what else I can do to the daytime routine.  She eats about 4 and a bit oz each feed, and is gaining weight (weighed 10 lbs, 6 ozs 2 weeks ago).  Any ideas is appreciated!

[EllenS]

Generally, more frequent wakings around 11-12 weeks could be a growth spurt, or developmental. My dd2 slept 9 hours for the first time the night before she turned 12 weeks old - and never again (she's 9 months now). Don't overthink it, you are not doing anything wrong, and the baby doesn't know or care what she's "supposed" to be doing because she can't read the book!

My dd1 always slept better in Mimi and Papa's house, when we were there or not.  Could be they wear her out more, could be she is not interested in seeing them during the night, could have been a fluke on those particular nights, etc.  There is such a thing as "grandparent mojo".  Don't worry, you'll get it too someday.

[nossi]

Is there anything about the room at her grandparent's house maybe?  Is it darker?  Is the crib different?  We have the same issue with my 6 mo DS.  He used to sleep until 8:30, which was perfect for us.  Then he started creeping back slowly and now wakes at 7am, which is definitely NOT perfect for us!  But at his grandparents house, he still sleeps until 8:30.  Our theory is that he gets more food with them (I BF him, but they of course give him a bottle).  I think they give him tons of food when he visits.  Could that be the case with your DD too?  Maybe they over feed her?  Also, do you think her naps could be shorter at their house too?  Next time she goes there, maybe try asking them to quickly jot down the amounts they feed her, what activities she's doing and what her naps are like.  Might give a little bit of insight...
Good luck!
Nicole

[Tansy]

Just wondering whether your DH/DP ever goes in to resettle during the night? My DP seldom does, but when he did, DS would resettle straight away and sleep longer! I put it down to the babies know that mummy will always come along with milk but anyone else doesn't so they just keep sleeping.

Also agree with pp's about Grandparent mojo And just a different surrounding...

[Littleone15]

It's always me that goes in to soothe her.  I haven't even tried suggesting the subject to DH, as I'm sure he would tell me to fly a kite, lol!  He works 6 days a week, so I know how tired he must be.  Plus he gets the early morning feed between 6 an 8am.  As for the GP's house, she sleeps in her pack and play while there, in an open area (hallway or living room).  I know my mom would have no problem feeding her as much and as often as possible.  I'll try to get her to record the day next time, though seeing as she and MIL didn't follow all my instructions, not sure how they will like that   .

What I'd really like to know though is if I should be trying to eliminate the night feeding, since I know she can go longer than 5 hrs?  Any thoughts?

[Tansy]

You could definitely give it a go. There's no harm in trying. It may take a few days for her to adjust and realise that you are just coming to resettle her and not feed her. You could also do it slowly, like reduce the amount of milk each night or every other night. And if it doesn't work, you could always go back to feeding her. I think in most cases, if babies are going to sleep through the night early on, they will. My DS kept feeding once or twice during the night until he was 11 months old! But that was because i kept feeding him! Only took about 3 days to wean him off the milk and he stopped waking up.
Let us know what you decide and how it goes

[Fergie12]

Hi there,

Just wanted to say that my parents never listen to my instructions either lol.

when my lo was just over a month old, he stayed over at their house a couple of times to give me a break (at this point he was waking every 2 hours) and they said that he slept for 5 hours at a time when he was with them.  I suspect that they were stretching the truth somewhat as when i got him home he just did his usual thing lol.

The first time he STTN for us was when he was 2 months old and they after that he didn't do it again until he was 3 months, and now he sleeps great at night.  If you know that your lo can go for longer stretches without food then try giving him less milk at the night feed and he should gradually start to eat more during the day to compensate.  It didn't take my lo long to drop the night feeding altogether once i started doing that.

Hope things work out for you   

[Littleone15]

Well the last couple of nights I've tried to see how far I can push her without eating.  The first night, when she woke at 2:30, I resettled her, and when she woke at 4am I fed her.  Well, the next night she woke around 3am, and I resettled her and when she woke around 4 I fed her.  Last night she didn't wake until 4:15am!!  So I thought, well we'll give it one more try to see how far she can go.  I got her resettled and she woke again at 5:30 so I fed her.  I also fed her only 3 oz instead of the usual 4oz at this feed, and she still slept until 8:45 this morning!  So this is good.  I'm gonna keep reducing the amount of oz at each feeding and see how it goes!  Thanks for the advice ladies!

[Tansy]

Im so glad it's working out for you both. keep up the good work!!!

[Tweakster]

Great advice here.

I wonder...do you think they might have tummy slept her if she wasn't swaddled?  I know that the 'old school' were told to put babes on tum and in all honesty most LO's sleep better on tum.  Finn was around that age when we first tummy slept him and unswaddled and he slept from 10 - 5 lol.  We woke in a panic.

Is it possible their idea of 'waking' is different?  I know that some old schoolers let LO's cry a lot more than we do.

I agree with these posters that one or two nights at grandparent's house is not indicative of how it really is day in day out.  For one thing she is already older than when she was there...development happens every single day and can muck things up along the way.  Also, it's not really a true 'miracle' until it happens several nights in a row for them in my book.  Otherwise it is just probably a flukey thing and they got lucky.

At 11 weeks most babes are still taking night feeds...they still need it.  But yeah, if you can gauge what she is taking and if it is not very much you could try to push it onto the dream feed or get her to take in more during the day.

[Littleone15]

Well actually DD is a tummy sleeper already.  I know, I know, it's not what's recommended but that's they only way I could get her to sleep.  The first week I nearly lost my mind (and I mean I was a MESS), and my friend told me to try her on her belly, because thats what she had to do with her DD.  So I did, DD finally got some sleep and I started to regain some sanity.  I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have let her cry if they heard her. My dad said he was up every 2 hrs checking on her, lol.  Same with FIL the night before  .  Last night she did revert to waking at 2:30 again, but it was extremely easy to resettle her, she hardly fussed at all, and I was in and out of her room in less than 5 mins.  She woke again at 4am, so I fed her then, and I'm cool with that.  What if she keeps waking at 2:30 though? She never did this even before being away.  Am I supposed to keep resettling her?  Because doesn't that just kind of defeat the purpose?  Or will she eventually settle down herself?

[Tweakster]

Eventually she will but at her age it's so hard for them.  She needs the help right now.  I think if you keep going the way your going, trying not to feed her when you know she isn't hungry and pushing out the feeds if you can...it will start to work in your favour.  5 mins is a great improvement already!  I would not rule out a GS because it happens around that time I think...12 weeks or so.

Yeah we went tummy too...with his reflux he preferred it...and it was all fine and dandy until he could roll.  Then he kept rolling to his back and getting ticked off about being on his back.  My advice to him was 'don't roll there' lol.  So you spend all night flipping them back like a fish.  Ohhh the joys of parenthood.  Wouldn't trade it for the world though :-)  It's like being part of some exclusive club and a whole new world of complaining has opened up for me lol.

It's great that you didn't lose your mind...I did lose mine and it wasn't pretty.  Sleep = sanity in my book.

[Littleone15]

Thanks for your help!

[KellyGT]

Enjoyed reading this thread and the questions raised.

My lo a few nights has had a feed at like 8pm fallen asleep at like 10pm (we are dealing with ot issues at mo) and then woke for feed at like 1.30 am so he went 5 1/2 hours without food and he's done this a few times (if only all the 5 1/2 hours were sleep) so i always wonder if i should expect him to last a lil more in the night. But usually after that first night feed at 1am ish he reverts back to every three hours. Maybe if lucky four (but with alot of fussy sleep inbetween)

Although he seems to be taking less milk himself during the night. Cant remember last time he came close to emptying his bottle during the night. My lo is must be a big baby when i hear weights and weeks old he seems bigger than most he was 12lb 4oz at 5weeks old we make 6oz bottles sometimes (during day) he will empty them sometimes he leaves 1-2oz.