Poor little pumpkin!!!
Since his world has been turned upside down you have a couple of options. I think the first thing I'd do is extend wind down. Tell him 'big boys' can have 1 more story than he used to. Perhaps you also take more time having him talk about his day, emphasizing how only big boys can do those things. My son is an only child, but he LOVES to say things "babies can't do that; only big boys can!" It really puffs him up. We want your son to see the advantages in being a big boy.
And since he's 3 I'd probably talk a lot with him about what a BIG help he is. Explain that babies are so much work and mommy and daddy are just really tired. Tell him that without him around to help you don't know what you'd do! And then have him help! He can bring diapers and throw them away; he can get baby's change of clothes; he can go get baby's blankie, etc. Really push how helpful he is. Then I want you to talk about how babies don't sleep very much and so mommy and daddy are up alllll night. Then say how it's so nice to have a big boy in the house who sleeps so good! Mommy and daddy don't have to worry!
Then I want you to start a reward chart. You're going to tell your son that if he can play quietly in his room after you put him to bed and doesn't call for you, he gets a small prize in the morning! I had a similar problem with my 3 year old and this worked INSTANTLY!!! At first my son would get a new matchbox car in the morning. These are like gold to my son, and so for a week he got one every single morning he didn't call out for me (he was making me go back in his room for more cuddles 30 min after he went to bed driving me BATTY!). After a week of that he just earns a sticker for not calling for me and 5 stickers = a car. Needless to say he's not forgotten about the reward. If he brings it up I give him a sticker, but I doubt we'll get all the way up to a car again.
In your case I think I'd start by rewarding him for going to bed without making you go back in there. After he's successful at that for a few days, THEN you can add in that he has to go to bed AND not make you go in at night.
Reward charts work wonders with this age child, and he needs to know there's a REWARD for giving up time with his parents. Right now there's no upside to going to bed and sleeping thru the night! He gets more attention from mommy and daddy which he desperately craves right now. So, to fix that we are a) going to make him your helper so he gets LOTS of positive attention from his parents, and b) going to give him a reward so that at least sleeping thru the night gets him something!
Finally you should make sure that his room is comfortable for him. At age 3 my son suddenly needed a REALLY bright light at night and the door open. Before that his room wasn't ever dark enough to his tastes and the he would demand the door closed! So some of the fears he mentions may be stuff that normally happens at age 3. So ask him if he'd like a night light or a different night light. You may even want to keep his door open -- then he doesn't feel like he's missing out as much. You can always put some white noise on in his room to drown out any household noises if that's an issue.
You might also want to plan on some 1:1 time for son every day with 1 or both parents. Perhaps while baby is sleeping, or when daddy comes home from work either he takes the baby and you play with son, or you keep baby occupied and daddy does something fun with son outside away from baby distractions. It probably doesn't even have to be more than 20 minutes, but some focused attention might really feed the need he has right now.
I think this is the route I would take first. a) Really pump up your son's ego talking about how he's a big boy and by pointing out all the things he can do but babies can't'; b) Make him into your helper and tell him how much work babies are but that he is really making mommy and daddy's lives easier, c) offer rewards for not making you stay by his side at bedtime and later for no NWs, d) making sure that he's comfortable in his room -- you might even want to get some new BIG BOY object in there like a new sheet set, pillowcase, big brother stuffed animal, etc. If you got a BB stuffed animal you can say that it's for big boys to tell their troubles to when the baby really gets on his nerves.
That acknowledges that sibs aren't always great and that it's OK for him to be annoyed at times!
, and e) making sure every day he gest 1:1 time with a parent -- even 20 minutes might do it.
Try this for a week and see where you get. If no progress then we'll make a WI/WO or GW plan for you! But I've done this sort of plan with other new sibs and it's worked really really well so I think it will for you too.
Let's get mommy some sleep!
