Actually I think you can easily shift him to an earlier bedtime by simply treating that 10 pm feed as a night feed and simply put him straight to bed afterwards. Then your bedtime is around 6:30 or so, and all wakings after that will be treated as night feeds. Babies don't truly need a bath every day, and boy a SHOWER at midnight is really going to rouse him rather than relax him and get him ready for sleep, LOL!!! If you feel like you *do* want to bathe him every day or nearly every day, I would suggest doing it between 2nd and 3rd naps. That way you can see if bathing rouses baby or relaxes him. And I think I'd try warm baths at this age.
One of the most helpful things for getting your baby on a more traditional routine is to make sure you
1) Have a very consistent wind down routine. We call them the "4 Ss". You can find those in the FAQ section. But wind down shouldn't really be more than about 5-10 minutes at this age. It's not a long ritual, but it should be the same for each and every nap or bedtime. Also, your bedtime ritual should very a little bit from your nap time one. In our case at this age, our naptime ritual consisted of diaper change, swaddling, rocking with a song and then bed. OUr night time ritual also involved a feed prior to diaper change (to tank him up) and then it also was done in a different room -- I wound him down in my room rather than in his room. I also changed the wording a bit too. For instance, from 2 weeks old until now (he's almost 4 yo!) I say right before leaving "Night-night Mr. Sun! We'll see you when our nap is done!" and then I turn out the light and/or shut the curtains. At bedtime I say "Night night Mr. Sun! All our days' adventures are done! We'll see you in the morning!" and then turn out light/close curtains. Obviously a child at this age doesn't nec. understand the words, but they DO begin to memorize the cadence etc. and by 6 months old you will see your child visibly relax when you say the ritual phrases. It's quite amazing, really!
2) Make sure your 'night time' feedings are very business like. In other words, no chatting, no interaction, just feeding in a darkened/dark room and then back to bed. I always did our feeds in the dark. My DH has poor night vision so he'd have a night light on. Either way, you want to rouse the child as little as possible and keep the feeding conditions as sleep conducive as possible. Don't even change diaper unless there's been a poo or diaper is just sopping wet. This is just feeding your baby and putting them back to bed. It won't take long before child is nearly asleep before he even hits the crib, LOL!
Tracy's books are wonderful so I really encourage you to look thru them. One thing she talks about is how people who are NOT very routine oriented (which sounds like your household) can learn to provide routines for their children. Let me tell you, a routine is a godsend for a child. Imagine coming into a world and not understanding anything -- you can't talk, and even if you could you don't have a vocabulary; almost your entire day is spent encountering something you've never seen/heard/or done before!; just being touched by your parents involves a whole slew of sensations that your brain needs to catalogue and understand. in other words, every day is a struggle. I don't know if you've ever moved to a new town, but it can be so overwhelming! It's like that for a baby every single day! So giving your baby a routine is like providing them a solid anchor in a see of unpredictability. Soon your child begins to anticipate that when they wake up they get to eat. Knowing when food is coming is VITAL to a child! Especially at this age when they need to eat so often! Then they start realizing that when mommy puts the swaddle on it means sleep is coming soon. Then you sing a song, and even tho they don't understand the words, the tune becomes familiar and that is another cue that sleep is going to come soon. Their body starts to react to these cues -- their tummy wakes up along with their eyes because they've become conditioned to eating then; they become sleepy when they are swaddled and when they hear their sleepy song; they learn that after a bath mommy will rub them and snuggle them, etc.
These little islands of predictability make the rest of their day make a little more sense. Soon it doesn't feel like they are quite the stranger in a strange land that they thought they were; they KNOW what is coming next and that must feel soooooo good when nothing else is predictable. So think of the huge life preserver you are throwing your child by providing a routine. You are meeting your child's needs but in a way that makes them feel like THEY are in charge 'cuz they know what's gonna happen.
And you'll probably find that being a night-owl family doesn't work as well with children. My DH is a total night owl -- his preferred bedtime is 4 am. That worked great when my son was small as he did all the night feeds and NWs. But now that my son is older and involved in school and activities, that kind of lifestyle just doesn't work. So DH is training himself to become a bit more of a daytime person. It's hard! So adjusting now might make it easier once your child is a bit older.
Good luck!
