Almost 3 yr old doesn't want to nap and is waking earlier, and earlier.....

[scribegirl]

I am literally at my wit's end with my almost 3 yr old spirited DD (her b-day is in a few weeks). I have read about the general craziness surrounding kids leading up to their 3 yr old birthday and only hope this is the reason she has been refusing naps for the past 3 weeks. Actually, she went on nap hiatus in the spring but I think that was an adjustment to having a baby brother, and then was on a solid nap from 2-3 pm in the summer.

She has always slept well as a baby -- was on a 7 pm to 7 am schedule for as long as I can remember -- and her natural wake up time is 7-7:30 am. Now she is getting up earlier and earlier. Today, she was up at 5:30 am.... and that was with me "forcing" a nap yesterday to catch her up on her sleep deprivation. She slept yesterday from 12:15 to 2:15 pm (too long in my opinion) but didn't fall asleep at bedtime until 8:30 pm. Still, only 9 hrs of overnight sleep is NOT great for her. Now she is up in her room NOT napping.... but I am thinking I missed her sleep window by an hour. I was successful in getting her down yesterday by aiming for 6 hrs max of A time. Today, not so great and she wasn't eating lunch until 11:30 am (6 hrs from her wake up)

The past 3 weeks without her regular nap I have been trying to get her asleep by 12 hrs from wake up time. So when she started waking at 6:30 pm, I'd have her in her room with lights out and done her wind down routine by 6/6:15 pm. Only on one day did she sleep until 7 am after being put to bed at 6 am.

How do I get her back to her schedule?? What time should I be putting her to bed tonight? I certainly can't imagine getting her in bed by 5:30 pm. She has been so I really don't know what I should be doing. I don't want to keep her home from her preschool program every day because she is OT but I don't know how else to deal.

Sorry for being so unfocused but I am sleep deprived myself and feeling like I'm going crazy. (Am going to post on "general sleep issues" to deal with my 8 mo old now!)

[scribegirl]

I might add that I feel she still most definitely needs the nap as her personality is usually sunny, generous, level-headed and well behaved with one. Without, she has frequent crying jags, tantrums, screams "nonononono" and is demanding and mercurial without reason.

With yesterday's nap, we had a few hours of our recognizable DD back. Today, seems we're back to the tantrum-throwing, mean-spirited devil child!

[*Natasha*]

In my opinion i would offer a nap but perhaps limit it to 45mins (it is easier to wake them up at a sleep cycle).

[scribegirl]

I kept DD up until 6:30 pm and then she fell into a deep sleep (but I suspect she was already OT because she had a crying jag shortly before I left the room). She slept through until just before 6 am and was up for the day at 7 am. Still pretty sure she is OT as she woke cranky, and had several mini-meltdowns in the dark over various nonsensical things.

Do I try to get her down for a nap by 12 pm then? I am willing to try waking her after 45 min but then say I'm successful? Do I then try to get her down later, like 8 pm to aim for a 7 am wake?

It's such a battle to get her to nap. I have re-instituted her "sleep chart" with stickers as a reward but I don't know if it's realistic to think she'll go for it (she did the first day; yesterday didn't). She's a pretty fierce little creature and knows the more I want something, the more she will resist.

If she doesn't nap then I guess I"ll try for 6:30 pm again or should I maybe push to 7 pm to see if I can get her to wake that 30 min later tomorrow?

[scribegirl]

So she did end up napping at 1 pm after her usual stalling techniques. Don't know how long because I had to go get lunch for 8 mo old DS but I am pretty sure it was less than 1 hr when I woke her shortly before 2 pm. She wasn't too grumpy but definitely wasn't as completely refreshed as the day before with the 2 hr long nap.

Her behavior was much more manageable in the afternoon and we got her into bed (it was DH's night) and asleep by 7:45 pm. She would've been ok but woke at 1 am until 3 am crying due to a booboo on her toe (got it run over by a door a few days ago and think the nail might come off) but I think she would've slept through otherwise. Woke at 7 am for the day but was missing 2 hrs due to the NW.

So should I try for a nap again at 12 noon or 1 pm?

[skatty]

Hi there, I not sure what you should do about the napping but if she has a no nap day I would try for an even earlier A time as it sounds like she is getting OT after 12 hours. I know early bed seems ridiculous but i also have a spirited girl who is 3 on Monday and gave up her nap before she was ready but we are getting through it without too much OT building up by giving her 5-5.30pm bedtimes, it means DH doesn't see much of her in the week and she eats dinner at 4pm but she is asleep within mins and she sleeps until around 7am. It is worth a try as she is waking early anyway and it does really sound like she is not handling such a long day well, is she at least having a rest when she doesn't nap? She is at the age where a lot of kids start giving up their nap even if they can't handle it and unfortunately we can't make them sleep so we have to get through it best we can and that is definitely by having some down time in the day and trying to get them down for the night before their OT hits it peak. I do feel for you, we have also had nights where Leorah has cried herself to sleep through pure OS  On a positive note she is slowly getting better, we do have our very bad days when she has had a busy day at nursery but we are slowly, slowly extending her day and her behaviour is much better on the whole. Good luck with the naps though, it doesn't sound like you are ready to give up on them yet 

[scribegirl]

Ha, you've hit the nail on the head. I may be the one who isn't ready to give up quite yet not DD! She will be 3 on Oct. 20 and yes, on the days she doesn't have a nap I try to insist upon quiet time in her room for an hour. But I end up getting frustrated and then angry because it's not really that quiet.... involves much banging around, turning lights on and off, changing clothes, yelling to have her diaper changed. I suppose it's just her way of controlling the situation but when it wakes up her baby brother during his nap, then I have TWO OT kids on my hands and I feel like I'm unraveling at the seams.

Currently, she is napping quite nicely after declaring she wanted to sleep on the ground on top of her rolled up comforter. I will wake her after 45 min and see how that goes.

I guess I will have to really hustle on no nap days and just try for a shorter A time. It just seemed that she was doing 12 hrs no matter what. But I am definitely willing to give it a shot if it means helping her regain her sanity! I really feel like they know they are going bonkers -- I can see it in her eyes when she's having a very big blow up over something small -- but have no way of coping with it.

Thanks again for checking in and giving advice.

[*Natasha*]

Sorry i didn't get back to you earlier but it looks like you have received some great advise 
Just wanted to add in a few things, with no nap i would defiantly aim bedtime for 11-12hrs after wake up so with a 7am wakeup i would do 6/6.30pm bedtime. If she does nap i would limit it to defiantly 45mins only. Good luck i know it sucks when they give up their nap as you don't get much time to yourself i understand my DD1 has just stopped napping. If she won't do quiet time in her room perhaps a quiet movie for an hour?

[scribegirl]

Thank you thank you thank you ladies! DD woke at 7 am this morning after a day that went like this:

7 am wake
1:40-2:20 pm nap
8 pm bed (went out for dinner)

So it looks like her overall sleep needs are 12 hrs spread over the day. Will try for 11 hrs of awake on no nap days.

Am so grateful to you all for giving me attention and support!! Will check back in if things go off kilter again....

[scribegirl]

Quick question: if DD had a NW at 10 pm (we think it was a nightmare she couldn't settle from due to a no nap day) but woke normally at 7 am, do I let her play catch up during her nap? She is currently down and fell asleep after much hysterics at 1:30 pm but I am tempted to let her sleep a bit longer than 45 min. 

Recommended? Or will it lead to a later bedtime?

[*Natasha*]

My opinion is to stick to the 45min nap unless she is sick.

[scribegirl]

Whoops. Ended up getting her up at 1.5 hrs and she was in a GREAT mood! Very relaxed, in control, focused. Had a great outting with friends but the down side was she didn't end up going to bed until 9:30 pm!! She was still in a good mood, however, just not tired at all. Slept until 7 am. So I guess the verdict is 45 min naps or nothing